The Place God Calls You

The Power of Female Relationships

It was my first week at my first job out of graduate school. I was sitting in my first therapy group with eight female clients who were all alcoholics or drug addicts (or both). The first woman to speak that night told me she wanted to rip off my face, and informed me that I looked too healthy and all-American for her taste, then asked what the hell did I know and how the hell could I help her or any of the women there since I wasn't chemically dependent myself. (This is actually the PG version of her comments.)

To say I was intimidated is an understatement. It was baptism by fire as I took on my new role as a counselor at a program for alcoholic and drug-addicted women. It was the beginning of some of the hardest and best work I've accomplished so far.

Even though I had sisters growing up, we were so far apart in age I didn't feel a sisterly connection. When I went to an all-girls high school and subsequently college, I discovered something very special in the sisterhood of women.

My new job only reinforced this. What I began to witness among these women who had been beaten down by the ravages of addiction and histories of trauma was the healing that came from the community of women. This was a tough and sometimes-hardened group of clients. Most of them had major trust issues. And many of these women didn't like other women.

But what I observed was that once they could get past their initial defenses and settle into the feminine presence of one another, the healing really started. They began to open their hearts. This is the power of what I refer to as Feminine Heart Energy. It is the energy that, when tapped into, can create the miracle of recovery. It is the energetic bond and connection that helps facilitate transformation. When utilized in a collective way this Feminine Heart Energy is what can also change the world.

Feminine Heart Energy

What exactly is Feminine Heart Energy? Here's how I've come to know it:

For years in my meditations I've often had visions of my heart as the center of my being. It's been during these times of quiet and reflection I've come to believe that our soul lives in our hearts, and this is why love is such a powerful force.

Our circulatory system carries our blood from our physical hearts throughout the body. Now imagine a similar system — this one invisible — that carries energy from our invisible soul throughout our bodies as well. This energy emanates from the soul, through our hearts, through our arms, and into our hands. That is why the healing power of touch is so strong; our hands are the work organs of our hearts and souls.

If our heart is the home for our soul, then imagine what it means for us to connect more fully with our hearts, both literally and figuratively. It is my belief that the flow of energy from our hearts and souls throughout our bodies is actually the essence of who we are. This is what I call Feminine Heart Energy.

The heart is a collective representation of feminine characteristics. This means it is symbolic of the internal: the collaborative, receptive, nurturing and loving parts of our beings. Similarly, masculine characteristics are symbolized by the external: the competitive, assertive, strong and pragmatic parts of us.

Both women and men have feminine and masculine characteristics, some more than others. I believe the key to health and success is having a balance between both. For too long, however, our world has been ruled by mostly male energy. This imbalance is the source of many of the challenges we face. It is time to incorporate our Feminine Heart Energy with the masculine.

Feminine Heart Energy is About Connecting with the Feminine Life Force More Fully

I believe that women have an easier ability to connect with our feminine life force more fully, as a result of our innate makeup. A purposeful transition of thought and comprehension regarding our heart energy is necessary to develop a new generation of power. I believe that by identifying, owning and utilizing this Feminine Heart Energy, we are capable of fixing the ills of our world and creating a healthier planet. This is how we will restructure our approach to the leadership required to produce the progress necessary for our world's betterment.

I've had the privilege of knowing many extraordinary women: family, friends, teachers, healers, clients, colleagues and more. This book has been birthed by the inspiration, encouragement and strength these women have selflessly given to me. I know I am not alone. I suspect you could say the same thing about the incredible women you've known throughout your life.

As a psychotherapist in private practice for over 25 years, I have often reflected on the numerous women clients I have had the honor of working with, women who have had the courage to do the work necessary to recover from a myriad of problems. These women have histories of depression and anxiety; tragic personal losses; life-threatening illnesses; divorce; addictions; dysfunctional families with generations of incest, violence and chemical dependency; mental illness; sexual and physical assault; and emotional despair. These are amazing women who, as a result of their hard work, have been — and are now — positively impacting our planet in many ways.

I wonder, however: Have these women truly realized their potential? Have all women, in general, realized their full potential? Do women really "get" that they are invaluable contributors, and have the important skills, insights and experiences that are essential to transforming the world?

So I pose this question: What if women — especially the many of you who have been through your own personal growth journey — intentionally used their wisdom, experience, talents, strengths and hope to help transform the world? If so, what would humanity look like?

An Outmoded Model of Power

Much too often we downplay our power or don't identify it as such, because it does not fit the traditional model of power: a male-based model.

A traditionally masculine version of power is about aggression, linear thinking, and competition, rather than collaboration. It is often focused on short-term gain, which creates greed, a "he who has the most toys wins" mentality, and a disregarding...