UNDERSTANDING & RECOGNIZING ADDICTION

WHAT IS ADDICTION?

If you have attempted to stop drinking, using drugs, or engaging in other addictive behaviors without help (or even with help!), you know how difficult it can be. By this time you may believe you are weak and be haunted by thoughts like, "If I were only stronger I could beat this thing." You may believe by now you just come from "bad seed" and are cursed to lose your health, family, financial security, standing in the community, and more. The shame cycle of addiction can be crushing.

Let's be clear: addiction is not about being weak or immoral. You may have disregarded your families, friends, and responsibilities in service to your addiction. You may have lied to keep the addiction going. You may have done some really bad things to acquire the drugs you are addicted to. You may have compromised your own moral compass in your addiction. You may even have robbed or sold your body just to get the fix your body was telling you it needed. Doing bad things does not make you a bad person.

Addiction is a brain disease. The nature of this brain disease is that the addiction to particular drug(s) or behavior(s) takes over your life, becoming your focus throughout each day. The addiction becomes more important than your partner, children, extended family, work, or reputation. It involves compulsive behavior that is incredibly hard to control. You do things you never thought you would or that you don't know why you are doing. The nature of addiction kicks the addicted person's self-esteem into the gutter. But you (or your loved one) is more than your (or their) addiction. You (and they) are a beloved child of God who suffers from a particular kind of illness. That doesn't make you any less loved or lovable.

When addicted, your brain and body become dependent on a certain substance and the chemical release associated with its ingestion or consumption. As your body becomes used to and then dependent on these chemicals, it needs more and more to achieve the same high, thus fueling the cycle of addiction. With many substances, once your body because accustomed to them, it becomes unable to function properly without them, triggering physical withdrawal symptoms such as shakes

It is also possible to be addicted to a behavior or set of behaviors. Such addictions are called "process addictions." For the first time, in the recent 5th Edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, gambling is listed as an addictive disorder. The essential quality of the addiction is that the gambling is uncontrolled and like the other addictions makes life unmanageable. Other process addictions include (but are not limited to) eating disorders, self-harm/cutting, pornography, and compulsive shopping.

THE ADDICTIVE PERSONALITY

Over the years of working with people who are addicted to a substance or activity and in working with my own addictive tendencies, I have found several personality traits that are characteristic of persons with addictions. Of course, not everyone who becomes addicted displays these traits, but they are more common in the addicted population.

Low self-esteem: Feeling inadequate is a common human experience. Getting through day-to-day life can be especially difficult when you have trouble thinking of yourself as worthy of love and success. Many people use coping skills to overcome this gap, but with an addicted personality, turning to drugs and/or alcohol becomes the easy way out. One of the miracles of 12-Step programs is learning to "live life on life's terms" rather than taking the easy way out.

Though it is somewhat counter-intuitive, low self-esteem can also manifest itself as narcissism. Narcissists believe, usually unconsciously, that they can protect themselves from feelings of low self-esteem by acting as if (and attempting to convince themselves and those around them that) they are the center of the universe.

All-or-nothing thinking: People prone to addiction tend to think in black and white terms, with little tolerance for gray or ambiguity. Thinking or talking in extreme terms limits the broad experience of emotions and possibility. Very rarely is anything (or anyone) "all good" or "all bad." Lack of nuanced thinking or emotions can lead to hopelessness, resignation, intolerance, and an inability to tolerate distress.

Inability to deal with stress: Being human is hard. Life is demanding. For people who have a difficult time dealing with stress, drugs and alcohol become a coping mechanism. If the stressed-out person zones out then the stress goes away ... until they sober up. Most addictive behaviors serve a numbing purpose. The inability to deal with stress (or distress) often leads to compulsive behavior.

Inability to delay gratification: The addicted person becomes angry when needs (real or perceived) are not met immediately. Not being able to delay gratification can lead to making poor choices to serve our short-term desires without regard for our long-term needs. While "good things come to those who wait," our society and the addicted personality have a hard time waiting.

Isolation: The deep loneliness of isolation can stem from situational reality or a fear of being social. This trait can run from anxiety in a social situation (thus making one afraid to interact) to a learned withdrawal due to lack of safety, to being antisocial. This antisocial aspect may stem from not conforming to society's ideal standards, past traumatic experiences, social anxiety, or a multitude of other factors.

Resentment: Taken together, these characteristics can generate a lot of anger. Addicts often have a difficult time handling or resolving anger in a healthy manner. This buried anger easily becomes resentment. Resentment overrides our rational mind and amplifies every slight we feel, real or perceived.

You may be thinking to yourself, "I have every one of those characteristics; am I in trouble?" Not necessarily. Many people who live somewhere on the spectrum of these personality traits never become addicted. Some do. These traits are not determinants of addiction, but determinants of the likelihood of addiction.

People with addictive personalities often fall victim to multiple forms of addiction. When an addicted person begins to stop one addictive behavior, it is easy to transition to another addiction. This process is called cross addiction, replacing one substance or behavior for another that gives a similar feeling as what you have been used to. A person may go from abusing alcohol to abusing prescription drugs or from an opioid addiction to gambling addiction. This tendency is also called "urge surfing." The urge is still there; the way to mollify it has changed. To truly move into recovery, the urges themselves must be addressed.

If you have an addictive personality and you are addicted to a substance, caution is advised. You are likely to be at a higher than normal risk of becoming addicted to another substance or...