Session 1

The Gates of Pain

PLANNING THE SESSION

Session Goals

This session's discussions and activities will equip participants to:

• identify ways they tend to deal with their own and others' pain and suffering;

• describe the concept of being a "good steward of pain";

• relate Jesus' Parable of the Talents to experiences of pain; and

• plan faithful ways to comfort and support other people who are suffering.

Preparation

• Read and reflect on Frederick Buechner's essay, "The Gates of Pain" (A Crazy, Holy Grace, pages 15–32). Make notes about anything that raises a question or sparks a strong reaction from you.

• Read through Session 1 in the Participant Guide, deciding which portions of the material will be of most interest and relevance to you and your group.

• Read through this entire session outline and develop a balance of reading, discussion, activity, and reflection that will best serve your group's needs in the time available.

• Read, think about, and pray about the following Scriptures:

* Matthew 25:14-30

* Job 1-2; 3:11–4:9; 19:1-11, 42

* Psalm 131

* Matthew 11:28-30

• Provide a markerboard or large sheet of newsprint on which to write participants' ideas and questions.

• Have paper, pens or pencils, and Bibles available for participants to use.

• Depending on the activities you choose, you will also need a wax or electric candle, hymnals, recordings of musical settings of Psalm 131, or images based on Jesus' Parable of the Talents.

GATHERING

Informally welcome participants as they gather. Depending upon the group's familiarity with each other, spend a few minutes on introductions. Consider asking each participant to talk briefly about why this study of Buechner's book interests them. Pay special attention to these responses, and use them to inform your plans for and leadership of the sessions.

When you sense that participants are ready to begin, start the session with a time of prayer, using this ritual if desired:

The Lord be with you.

And also with you.

Listen for God's Word through these words of the apostle Paul:

"May the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ be blessed! He is the compassionate Father and God of all comfort. He's the one who comforts us in all our trouble so that we can comfort other people who are in every kind of trouble. We offer the same comfort that we ourselves received from God."

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

If desired, light a candle.

Let us pray. Compassionate God, who always draws near to the brokenhearted to bind up their wounds: Strengthen us by your Spirit, in this time of reading and reflection, to look deeply into and to speak honestly out of our pain, that we may share what is truly precious with each other and may offer it freely to you, even as you offered yourself to us in the suffering, death, and resurrection of your Son, Jesus Christ.Amen.

Sing or read aloud together (or another hymn you think appropriate to the themes of this session):

"God of Compassion, in Mercy Befriend Us" (John J. Moment, 1933)* Exchange words and signs of peace with each other.

OPENING ACTIVITY

Encourage participants to free-associate responses to each of the following words:

• pain

• treasure

• trade

Emphasize that there are no right or wrong answers. Write down all responses. Point out any patterns or overlap you or participants may notice.

STUDY AND DISCUSSION

The Universality of Pain

Recruit volunteers to read aloud or summarize this portion of the Summary in the Participant Guide (pages 13–14). Lead a discussion using some or all of the following questions and prompts:

• How do you react to Buechner's statement, "Pain is what it's all about"?

• Buechner describes the night when his mother asked him, as a young boy, to keep car keys from his drunken father as "kind of the shadow side of [his] childhood." It is an early memory of emotional pain for Buechner. What is your earliest memory (or one of your earliest memories) of emotional pain and suffering — your own, or someone else's? How do you think that memory has shaped the way(s) you typically respond to pain as an adult?

• Buechner identifies four main ways of dealing with, or surviving, pain. Which way do you most often use to deal with your pain? What advantages does your usual way of surviving pain offer? What disadvantages come with it?

• Buechner points to Charles Dickens's characters Miss Havisham and Mrs. Gummidge as examples of people who "take a kind of grim, awful pleasure in [their] ruin." What other characters from books, TV, or film illustrate some of the ways of surviving pain that Buechner identifies?

• Buechner quotes the first Noble Truth of Buddhism: "All life is suffering, all life is pain." To what extent do you think Christians can or should affirm this statement? How would you respond if someone asked you, "What is the main thing the Christian faith teaches about pain?"

Good Stewardship of Pain

Recruit five volunteers to read aloud Matthew 25:14-30 by taking these "roles": the narrator (Jesus), the master, and the three servants. Then read aloud or summarize this portion of the Summary in the Participant Guide (pages 14–15). Lead a discussion using some or all of the following questions and prompts:

• "These extraordinary parables of Jesus," writes Buechner, "who could ever guess that that's the way the story was going to end? If you and I had written it in our boring way, we would've rewarded the [third] man, wouldn't we?" Had you written the parable, would you have ended it the way Buechner thinks he would have? Why or why not? How much do you agree or disagree with Buechner's evaluation of this parable as "dark and frightening and fascinating"?

• In Buechner's reading of the parable, the "talent" encompasses many things, but is especially our experiences of pain and suffering. What makes up your "talent," as Buechner defines it?

• Buechner stresses that he does not believe God causes our pain: "God doesn't deal with the world that way; he doesn't move us around like chess pieces." What do you believe is the relationship between God and human suffering?

• "He was right, the man with the one talent, to be afraid. There is much in life — there is much in the nature of God as we understand him — of which to be afraid. He asks a great deal of us." Do you agree with Buechner? Why or why not? Talk about a time when you have sensed that God has asked "a great deal" of you. How did you respond? What happened?

• Buechner defines sloth as "getting through life on automatic pilot." When has fear tempted you to be slothful? What happened?

* According to Buechner, God "does not sow the pain ... [but] looks to us...