THE MYTH OF THE PERFECT FAMILY

Planning the Session

Session Goals

As a result of conversations and activities connected with this session, group members should begin to

• explore, through the story of Abram and Sarai, what Scripture reveals about God's messy family;

• examine the myth of the perfect family;

• reflect on the implications of being a blessing to the whole world.

Scriptural Foundation

The Lord had said to Abram, "Go from your country, your people and your father's household to the land I will show you.

"I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you."

(Genesis 12:1-3)

Special Preparation

• If participants are not familiar with one another, provide nametags.

• Have available a notebook or paper and a pen or pencil for anyone who did not bring a notebook or an electronic device for journaling.

• Print the following on separate sheets of paper and post at intervals around your space: Leave It to Beaver, All in the Family, The Jeffersons, Roseanne, Parenthood, Modern Family.

• If you are not familiar with the series This Is Us, it would be helpful to view one or more episodes prior to the study. You can view episodes from Season 1 and Season 2 at www.NBC.com.

• Decide if you will use either of the optional additional activities. If you will be creating altars, you will need tape and felt-tipped markers. Also prepare "rocks" by cutting sheets of printer paper or construction paper into rough ovals — enough for each participant to have at least two. Set aside wall or board space in two locations for taping up the rocks to make the altars.

• Decide if you will use the hymn "The God of Abraham Praise" or another hymn of praise. Obtain the lyrics and, if needed, arrange for accompaniment.

Getting Started

Opening Activity

As participants arrive, welcome them to the study. Invite them to move around the room reading the titles of past TV series that focused on the family. When most have arrived, gather together. Ask them to respond to the following:

• My name is ___________, and a TV series about the family that I remember is ___________.

When everyone has had a chance to respond, invite volunteers to describe how the family was portrayed in one of the series they remember, either one of the posted titles or another series they enjoyed. Then ask:

• How does your own experience of family life compare with what you saw portrayed in that series?

Call the group's attention to the book's introduction. If participants have not had a chance to read it, invite them to scan the text quickly. Ask participants to indicate with a show of hands if they have watched the series This Is Us. Invite a volunteer to briefly summarize how the author, Jacob Armstrong, characterizes the series.

Point out that Armstrong uses the example of TV series about families as the starting point for considering our own families. In this study, participants will be exploring their place in what Armstrong calls God's messy family. They will encounter how all of us are included at the table and connected to others in God's family, regardless of our imperfections.

Opening Prayer

Pray the following prayer, or one of your own choosing: Gracious God, each of us comes to this place bringing our unique experiences of messy, unpredictable family life. Guide us as we seek to better understand your messy family. By your Spirit, give us a sense of your boundless hospitality. Open our hearts to your invitation to take our place at your table, regardless of our flaws and imperfections. Amen.

Learning Together

Video Study and Discussion

In this first chapter of the study, the author, Jacob Armstrong, introduces us to the idea that, like our own families, the family of Abram and Sarai was flawed and at times dysfunctional. The story of this family draws us in to an understanding of our own place in the messy family of God — a family to which all of us belong. Armstrong, founding pastor of Providence Church, a United Methodist congregation in Mt. Juliet, Tennessee, gives us an overview of the story of Abram and Sarai's family, a family that shatters the myth of the perfect family. After viewing the video segment, discuss some of the following:

• In what ways does Jacob Armstrong's review of the scriptural story of Abram's family jibe with what you remember about that family's story? Were there details or episodes Armstrong mentioned that you found surprising or that you were unaware of? If so, which ones? Where do you see evidence that Abram's family was messy and flawed?

• Armstrong relates some anecdotes about experiences he has had with family meals. Which stories resonate for you? Can you name similar experiences around your own family table, either positive or negative?

• What would it be like if we lived into the family to which we belong? What would you say is the difference between being part of a perfect family and walking toward perfection together?

Book and Bible Study and Discussion

Examine the Myth of the Perfect Family

To explore more deeply what Armstrong calls the myth of the perfect family, invite participants to form pairs and respond to the following:

• How would you describe the perfect family?

After allowing a few minutes for pairs to discuss, ask each pair to give one defining characteristic they identified, and make a list of these characteristics on a large sheet of paper or a board.

Remind the group that there are many ways to describe one's family. For some it may be their nuclear biological family, for others it may be an extended family, and for still others it may be people unrelated to them by blood who nevertheless constitute a family. Discuss:

• How closely does our description of a perfect family match the makeup of your family? How closely does this description fit the picture of how you experience family life?

• Jacob Armstrong asserts that perfection is not the goal of family. What does he suggest is? How do you respond?

Explore the Story of Abram and Sarai's Family

Ask participants to quickly review what the chapter has to say about Abram's family, as well as recalling what Armstrong tells us in the video. Then ask a volunteer to read aloud Genesis 12:1-9, the passage that includes this session's foundational Scripture. Discuss the following:

• According to the Scripture, God's family had its beginning with Abram, Sarai, and Lot. In the light of what the scriptural story tells us, what is ironic about the names of Abram and Sarai?

We read that a more literal...