Get Better: 15 Proven Practices to Build Effective Relationships at Work - Hardcover

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Todd Davis is the former Chief People Officer and EVP at FranklinCovey. He has over thrity-five years of experience in human resources, talent development, executive recruiting, sales, and marketing, and has delivered numerous keynote addresses and speeches at leading business, industry, and association conferences, such as the World Business Forum (WOBI), the Chief Learning Officer Symposium, Association for Talent Development (ATD), and HR.com. Likewise, Todd is a Wall Street Journal bestselling author of Get Better: 15 Proven Practices to Build Effective Relationships at Work.

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Get Better


PRACTICE 1

WEAR GLASSES THAT WORK

HAVE YOU EVER DISCOVERED THAT YOUR VERSION OF THE SUPPOSED TRUTH WASN’T SO TRUE OR COMPLETE AFTER ALL?

If so, you may want to consider

PRACTICE 1: WEAR GLASSES THAT WORK.

If you don’t wear glasses that work, your “room” may feel like Sartre’s hell because:

• You act on incorrect information.

• You don’t get the results you want.

• You feel foolish when you recognize your version of the truth is limited and inaccurate.

Jon walked into my office, sharply dressed and with an air of urgency. He ran a team that constantly felt the pressure to hit aggressive quality and deadline goals, and had a reputation for being frustrated with anyone or anything that slowed things down. I could read his expression at once: he wasn’t happy.

“Todd, you have a moment?” he asked as he walked in and shut the door behind him. He knew full well I had an open-door policy as the chief people officer, especially when my door was open.

“Sure,” I replied, inviting him to take a seat. He hesitated, likely resisting the urge to pace back and forth while he talked. He nodded and sat down, looking uncomfortable at the sudden lack of motion.

“So what’s going on?” I prompted. Jon rubbed his eyes and gathered his thoughts.

“It’s Isabel,” he said, obviously frustrated. “She’s dragging her feet and putting the deadline at risk—again.” Isabel was a project manager and Jon’s peer. Thoughtful, intelligent, and a big-picture thinker, she was a valuable and trusted member of the organization. She also seemed immune to Jon’s sense of urgency.

“I see. How can I be of help?”

“I need someone like you to reason with her,” Jon replied. “I’m not a people person.”

• • •

Jon’s declaration that he wasn’t a “people person” reminded me that we view not only ourselves, but those around us, through a set of lenses; and like any lens, they either sharpen or distort reality. I use this metaphor purposefully, as it was something I experienced when I learned my vision needed correcting. I remember putting on that first pair of glasses in second grade and being surprised by what I discovered: For the first time, I could see the leaves on the trees a few blocks away! Myriad other details that had gone unnoticed were suddenly visible, and my entire world took on a vibrant clarity.

The funny thing is, until that point, I had no idea what I was missing. To me, everything looked just as it should and it all made sense. No wonder my art teacher recommended a career in accounting! It took a new pair of glasses to see just how much I hadn’t noticed. You might think that finding a few extra leaves is trivial in the larger scheme of things, but there’s a greater truth at work. As philosopher and author Thomas Kuhn wrote, “All significant breakthroughs are break-withs old ways of thinking.”4 As it turns out, what we see informs how we think and feel, which influences what we do and the results we ultimately get.

Years ago a good friend of mine decided to get in shape and start running. This decision was important to him for several reasons, including a desire to live a healthier life and have increased energy to spend with his family. He did well for the first two days, but on the third, he tripped on a crack in the pavement and sprained his ankle. It was a painful injury that sidelined his efforts and required several months to heal.

When the time came to trade in his crutches for running shoes, he didn’t do it. He decided to give up on running altogether, despite how important it had been to his goal of realizing a healthy lifestyle. My friend put on a particular set of glasses, seeing himself as not athletic and the world as full of pitfalls. This view influenced his thoughts (that he’d made a mistake trying to run in the first place); those thoughts influenced his feelings (he was unmotivated and fearful); and those feelings drove his behavior (he ended up back on the couch). The goals that had been so important to him were forgotten.

How we view ourselves and the world around us is called a paradigm. This term has become so commonplace that, chances are, you’ve played “buzzword bingo” during an office meeting, and “Paradigm Shift” was one of the options. To quote Dr. Covey:

IF YOU WANT TO MAKE MINOR CHANGES IN YOUR LIFE, WORK ON YOUR BEHAVIOR. IF YOU WANT SIGNIFICANT, QUANTUM BREAKTHROUGHS, WORK ON YOUR PARADIGMS.

Let’s return to my friend and take a closer look at what was really going on. His ankle had healed, he had two normally functioning legs, and he was in good (but not great) health. His doctor told him he could—and probably should—take up running again, and that new pair of shoes was just sitting in the closet waiting to be laced up. And yes, the world is full of cracks in the pavement, but he can be on the lookout and learn to navigate them better. Imagine if my friend were to swap his limiting lenses for something more helpful:

• Seeing. I am physically able to run and navigate the small obstacles that come my way.

• Thinking. I can and should take up running again.

• Feeling. I’m optimistic I can reach the goals that are important to me.

• Doing. I’m pulling the shoes out of the closet and going for a run!

Simply choosing how we see ourselves and others has a cascading effect on what we think, feel, and do. This concept is a foundational principle for making significant changes in our lives. Consider some of the common ways we may inaccurately view ourselves and others:

• I don’t belong.

• I’m too lazy.

• I’m impatient.

• I’ll never be good enough.

• I can’t change—I am what I am.

We also have some common ways in which we may inaccurately view the world or others:

• Everything is against me.

• Things usually turn out bad.

• My friend is thoughtless.

• My colleague doesn’t know what he’s doing.

• People can’t be trusted.

• My team will never change.

Running was the basis for one of my own struggles with this principle, and it had a profound impact on me and one of the relationships that mattered most in my life. By the way, my preference for running stories reminds me of the old joke: How do you know if someone runs a marathon? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you!

Years ago my daughter, Sydney, like many teenagers, had her share of struggles with self-esteem. Compounding this struggle was the fact she had lost her hearing at an early age. It often made it difficult for her to communicate and served as fodder for the kind of teasing such challenges incite. I had recently taken up running, and wondered if completing a marathon might be good for her. She seemed to like the idea, so we started training together. Before long, however, she began to struggle. Between the early mornings and constant grind, it ended up being too much for her, and she dropped out. I was disappointed at first, but to be honest, I was also a little relieved...