Mom Set Free: Find Relief from the Pressure to Get It All Right (A Christian Parenting Guide) - Softcover

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Jeannie Cunnion is the author of Parenting the Wholehearted Child and Mom Set Free, as well as a frequent speaker at women’s conferences and parenting events around the country. She holds a Master’s degree in social work, and her writing has been featured on outlets such as the TODAY show, Fox News, The 700 Club, and Focus on the Family. Jeannie and her husband, Mike, have four boys.

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Mom Set Free

• CHAPTER 1 •

The Pressure to Be Enough

The Freedom to Rely on the “Enough-ness” of Christ

During my first pregnancy, I can clearly remember people—friends and strangers alike—telling me how much I would love being a mom. How I would love my son so much that I would feel like my heart would burst. And they were right. The moment the nurse laid my newborn son’s bare body on my chest and I felt his heart beat against mine, I knew there was nothing in this world I wouldn’t do for him. My instantaneous love for him overwhelmed me.

That newborn baby is now a teenager, and I am still caught off guard by how the very sight of him, along with his three younger brothers, slays me.

However, what I don’t remember anyone telling me before my first son was born is that motherhood would not only enlarge my heart but it would also expose all my weaknesses and inadequacies, and that there would be days when I’d feel so desperate that I wouldn’t even recognize myself. I didn’t see that coming. I didn’t expect that motherhood would reveal both the beautiful and the not-so-beautiful parts of my heart.

What I Wish I’d Known

I recently attended a baby shower for a young woman named Nicole. She was a soon-to-be first-time mom and a woman I very much admire and adore. To call her wise beyond her years would be an understatement.

The shower was a joyous occasion, as all baby showers are, but the joy at this shower was palpable. Nicole and her husband, Jimmy, had long prayed and hoped for this “miracle baby” whom we were all eager to embrace and celebrate.

However, just about halfway through the celebration, I felt a strong inclination to pull my friend aside and warn her that parenting isn’t all petits fours, pink lemonade, and filtered Instagram photos. Perhaps it was because I was on the tail end of a very defeating week of parenting. The kind where my joy was lost in the battles. Failures outweighed victories. Fighting trumped kindness. All my intentionality felt worthless. And I was mentally and physically wiped out.

You’ll be happy to know I didn’t ruin the shower. I focused on the gift this child will be to Nicole and Jimmy. But soon thereafter, Nicole and I grabbed coffee and, because I love her, I shared with her some of the things I wish I’d known as a new mom.

I said things like:

This parenting thing is hard. Really hard. And there will be a lot of mornings when you want to pull the covers over your head and stay in bed because you don’t have the mental, physical, or emotional strength to meet the demands of the day and be the mom you want to be.

And when you do muster up the strength to put your feet on the floor and take that one next step, you will want to say, with the little energy you can summon, “Who wants to play hide and seek? Doesn’t that sound like fun! Okay, so you go hide, and be sure to find a really great spot where I’ve never found you before, and Mommy will come look for you after I count to five hundred.” Yes, you will do this because you are falling apart. It won’t mean you don’t love your children with all you have. It just means you’re human. And that’s okay.

And you will make mistakes. Lots of them. And you will have regrets. Big ones. And you will need Jesus like you’ve never needed Him before!

But, girlfriend, what I most want to tell you is this: On the days when you feel like you’re not enough, hold on tight to the truth that you have a Savior who is enough. And what is hard for you is not hard for Him! So run to Him. Rely on Him. Depend on Him.

Isn’t that what we most want to hear?

We all need another mom to affirm the “crazy” we feel. We need to know that we’re not the only one whose fierce love for our children coexists with feelings of failure and desperation.

We all need another mom to remind us—over and over again—that we have a powerful God who has given us His perfect son, Jesus Christ. And He is our enough.

The Relief God Promises

When we’re feeling pushed far beyond our human limitations, and we look in the mirror only to find our face worn and weary with the day’s demands, we can turn to God’s Word and read the relief God promises.

O Jacob, how can you say the Lord does not see your troubles?

O Israel, how can you say God ignores your rights?

Have you never heard?

Have you never understood?

The Lord is the everlasting God,

the Creator of all the earth.

He never grows weak or weary.

No one can measure the depths of his understanding.

He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.

Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion.

But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.

They will soar high on wings like eagles.

They will run and not grow weary.

They will walk and not faint.

(40: 27–31 NLT)

Did you get all that? There’s a lot of relief packed into this passage:

• God does not lose track of us.

• God very much cares what happens to us.

• God’s knowledge and understanding cannot be measured.

• God never grows weak or weary.

• He knows everything. Every. Single. Thing.

• He gives power to the weak.

• He gives strength to the powerless.

What we learn through the words of Isaiah is that who God is, which is sovereign, and what He gives us, which is grace, is enough. And He wants us to trust Him. When we’re exhausted—both mentally and physically—He wants us to rely on Him to be all that we need. He wants us to recognize that parenting is actually meant to—designed to—deepen our dependence on Him. He is wooing our hearts closer and closer to His in and through our kids.

God actually has a simple but profound message for us regarding our quest to be enough. In Psalms 46:10, His voice breaks through and proclaims, “Be still and know that I am God.”

I have clung to this verse for years. In fact, I most love the New American Standard translation that says, “Cease striving and know that I am God.” I’ve recently discovered something that makes this verse even more meaningful to me. The Hebrew meaning for “be still” is “enough.” Oh, how profound this is for our lives and for our parenting. He is saying, Enough of trying to be enough!

The Squeeze of Vertical and Horizontal Pressure

Whether you’re in the middle of raising tiny babies, tantruming toddlers, tenacious teenagers, or adult kids, you’re likely well acquainted with the hopeless feeling of being “not enough” for your children. But here’s the thing. As we seek to overcome the pressure we feel to be enough for our kids, we also have to take an honest look at the pressure we feel to be enough for God. See, most of us aren’t just trying to be enough for our kids, which is the horizontal pressure we feel. We’re also trying to be enough for God, and that’s the vertical pressure I want us to talk about honestly on this journey together.

Do you ever fear (or...