The Imperfect Marriage: Help for Those Who Think It's Over - Hardcover

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Darryl Strawberry has dazzled many with his baseball career. He has earned the legendary nickname as one of the most feared homerun hitters in baseball. Today, Darryl’s purpose and passion is serving the Lord by speaking a message of hope and helping others transform their lives through the power of the gospel.

Tracy Strawberry has a true passion to equip individuals to live out a life of freedom and purpose in Christ. Tracy is an ordained minister and her powerful but practical systematic teachings outline the steps of how a person can achieve change and live a victorious life through the power of God and actively engaging in the process of change.

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The Imperfect Marriage

1

Lost at First Sight

I (Tracy) remember the first time I laid eyes on Darryl Strawberry.

When we met, we were deeply wounded souls leading destructive lives. Our first introduction was at a Narcotics Anonymous (NA) convention in 2003. NA is a program and support group for people who want to break free from the lifestyle of drug addiction and alcoholism. The problem was that we had not broken free. We were still fighting the demons of addiction and the accompanying consequences.

I wasn’t (and still am not) a sports fan. I didn’t know much about Darryl’s baseball career. Frankly, I didn’t care. What I saw was a gentle, broken man desperately searching for a spark of hope to keep on living. I recognized that look because I had lived in that place of pain and desperation.

At the time, I had been clean and sober for a year but still had a lot of healing to do. I was determined to get well, but struggled to define what that meant and how to get there.

Darryl was sitting in a high-backed chair in a corner, desperately trying to blend into the crowd. His thin, frail frame sank into that chair as if he were part of the upholstery. People swarmed all over him, captivated by his celebrity status, yet unable to see his hurting soul. I was struck by how graciously he greeted everyone and signed autographs with what little energy he had.

My heart was torn. I didn’t know Darryl Strawberry, the celebrity athlete. I knew what I saw, a man with a tormented soul who had lost his identity. Oblivious to his hurt and need for space, the crowd just kept pulling and demanding more from him. It was a difficult scene to watch.

It wasn’t long before our eyes met. A mutual friend introduced us. Our first conversation ran deep. Darryl and I were brutally honest with each other from the start. We were addicts who had blazed a trail of destruction through our lives.

Our dialogue flowed naturally and passionately. I could feel the chemistry. Darryl was easy to like and talk to. I felt comfortable sharing with him and wanted to know him better. But I wasn’t interested in Darryl Strawberry, the ballplayer. Darryl Strawberry, the man, caught my heart.

By the time I (Darryl) met Tracy, I had partied hard for years, using cocaine, women, and alcohol to mask or numb my pain. In the process, I had destroyed almost everything in my path. My second marriage had just ended. My baseball career was over. I was drowning in legal problems. My money was almost gone. I was a train wreck. It seemed I had lived up to my father’s words: “You’re no good. You’ll never amount to nothin’.”

Life had left me bitter. Angry. Trying to find relief wherever I could. I’ve experienced the highs of championship victories and the lows of addiction. I had the power to get what I wanted, whenever I wanted. Women, drugs, you name it. But intertwined in the glamor of stardom was heartache. Emptiness. Pain. No amount of sex, money, or clothes; no number of houses, cars, or cocaine lines could ease it. So I fell. Hard.

My drinking and cocaine addictions led me to failed relationships, arrests, lawsuits, infidelities, league suspensions, and money problems. By the time I ended up at the NA convention, I had lost it all.

When I met Tracy, she stood out. It wasn’t just because she was attractive. I had been surrounded by beautiful women for most of my life. They were a dime a dozen. Tracy was different. Kind. Compassionate. She paid no mind to Darryl the great baseball player. It almost seemed as though she didn’t know who I was.

We talked for a while, sharing our stories, and listening intently. We poured our hearts out to each other. There were no secrets. Nothing to hide. Unlike me, Tracy was actually recovering. She was focused on staying clean and made that clear up front. I told her the truth—I was trying, but I was a long way from arriving. I even said, “Girl, you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into.”

We kindled a friendship that night and eventually started dating. I admired Tracy. She was a single working mom of three kids. The most beautiful part about her was that she was pursuing Jesus. She had just turned her life over to Christ. Even though she was battling with God and struggling to believe, she had a genuine commitment to growing spiritually. She was angry with God and had a difficult time believing that He could heal her heart and deliver her from deep-rooted addiction. Yet she chose to press through those feelings and embrace her faith. Tracy made the commitment to find out about Jesus for herself. She chose to follow Him and believe that He would reveal Himself to her along the way. She studied the Bible to get her own answers. She pursued Him with passion. I liked that. And, deep down inside, I wanted that.

Though I loved and looked up to Tracy, I didn’t make life easy for her. I wanted to break free from the lifestyle of addiction. I wanted to get clean and be well. Sadly, the desire wasn’t strong enough to make me do the work of change. I was still hanging out with the wrong people in the wrong places. I didn’t know how to change, even though I knew that I needed to. Most of our dating consisted of her looking for and pulling me out of crack houses. We were supposedly in love, but incapable of truly loving one another.

Many people have their stories of love at first sight. For us, it was lost at first sight. By the time we met, we had lost relationships, our children, our marriages, our money, our will to live, and our connection with God. We were spiritually, physically, emotionally, and financially bankrupt.

Our hearts were all we had to offer each other, which would have been fine except that those hearts were a mess. They needed a lot of healing. An unhealed heart is a dangerous thing. It houses hurts, unforgiveness, bitterness, pain, and every other thing that strips its ability to function properly.

An unhealed heart cannot produce the proper character required to love someone the way that God intended. As much as we tried to love each other, we couldn’t. Our addictions and the accumulation of unhealed wounds overrode our greatest intentions and efforts. We desperately needed a do-over before we even said “I do.”

TIME FOR A DO-OVER

Think about the first time you met your spouse.

Where were you? What did you say? Were you nervous? Excited? Hopeful? Was it a chance meeting? A blind date? What drew you to your husband or wife? Indescribable chemistry? Physical attraction? What made you want to see him or her again? His eyes? Her smile? His muscles? Her outfit?

Think about your dating relationship. Was it fun and natural? Drama filled? Loving and engaging? Maybe you and your spouse were two stable and emotionally whole people pursuing a healthy and growing relationship.

Perhaps your courtship was far from that.

We had a relationship that was far from healthy. Our life together was combustive from the words “hello” to the words “I do,” which would lead into words like “I don’t” and “I’m done.”

How does an “I do” turn into an “I’m done”? And how do you turn “I’m done” into a reformed “I do”?

Many times the “I dos” need a do-over. Not with another person, but with your current spouse.

One of the most amazing things about God is that He gives us a do-over the very minute we ask for one. Whatever the state of your marriage, you can begin again.

BLIND LOVE

When I...