CHAPTER 1

The Symptoms of ConsumingJunk-Food

I believe a person's happiness level dictates his or her degree of patienceand compassion. Think about it. When you're content and life is goingwell for you, aren't you much more tolerant than when things aren'tgoing exactly as you hoped? If your order takes a little too long, you haveto wait in line, or someone bumps into you, it's no big deal, because youhave pleasant thoughts running through your head. But how do yourespond when you're not entirely happy? Are you easily irritated byanother's slowness or mistake? Do you perhaps make nasty comments?Do simple tasks frustrate you? If you find yourself nodding in responseto these questions and you're feeling a bit cantankerous and inpatient,that's probably an indicator that you're not entirely happy. If you're in arelationship and you're not happy, you're probably consuming junk-food—or you are junk-food.

As human beings, we are made up of cells, and ours cells produceenergy. Some quantum physicists believe our cells are energy.Nonetheless, our energy is powerful. It radiates. When a happy,charismatic being enters a room, others take notice—they're drawn tothat person. That's because energy is contagious. It makes others feelhappy too. But it's not just positive energy that's transmittable. Negativeenergy is highly infectious. If you're distracted by chemistry andattraction, it's not always easy at first to realize you're being changed. It'susually easier for the people around us to see when someone's not goodfor us than it is for us to admit it to ourselves. Perhaps someone else evensuggested you read this book. If so, that's probably because he or sherecognized how much futile energy you're focusing on in trying to makeyour relationship work. Are you holding on to the fantasy that all thegood things that happened in the beginning truly define who yoursignificant other is? Are you hoping he'll change and go back to being theideal partner you initially saw him to be?

Well, people don't change unless they want to. Most people don'twant to. Change is hard. Yet many of us exert too much of our precioustime and energy trying to change a lover who doesn't want to change. Iknow there might be temptation to use this book as a guide to fix yourlovable junk-food, but try to resist wasting any more valuable resourceson a useless cause. Try focusing all that enthusiasm on fixing yourself!One of my favorite expressions is as follows:

Nothing changes, if nothing changes.

It's so simple but so true. The only way you can possibly change someoneelse is by changing yourself, which may in turn change the way he or sheresponds to you. So, if you are absolutely hell-bent on changing yourdiamond in the rough, you'll have to start by shifting your focus back toyou.

My hope is that this food for thought will incite cravings for healthierchoices. I hope to bring you so many epiphanies that you'll never cravejunk-food ever again. I promise that if you use this book to refuel andclaim your own power, you'll become a magnet for someone fabulous—becauseenergy is contagious. If you are healthy and take care of yourself,you'll naturally attract a healthy partner. But if you stay with someonewho is junk-food, you will end up as junk-food too.

This chapter will show you some of the most common relationshipspoilers and offer ways to get rid of them for good.

CONSTIPATION—WHEN FEELINGS DON'T FLOW

Experts often say that communication is the essential ingredient of agood relationship. I couldn't agree more! But do you know why? Moreimportantly, do you know how? I'm always disappointed when I hear theway many people in relationships speak to each other after they havegotten comfortable. They sound so disgusted if their partner doesn't dosomething exactly as they wanted. They bark orders like their spouse isbeneath them. I hear it at the mall, in restaurants, and even in church! Ifthat's the way they treat each other in public, what are they like at home?What happened to respect?

What's really going on is more than just a lack of manners. Suchbehavior usually comes from harbored resentments, unresolved conflicts,and unexpressed feelings. When you hold these things inside and havetrouble communicating your needs and desires, you can't help butbecome irritable. It's just like when you eat a lot of junk food and it bindsyou up. It's uncomfortable. It makes you sluggish. Sometimes it's evenpainful. The longer you go without letting things out, the worse it makesyou feel.

How do you find relief? Well, people who are constipated as a resultof their diet usually eat something healthy, such as beans, bran, orbroccoli with garlic. As you might expect, in order to cure a constipatedrelationship, you need to have lots of healthy communication, as well as ahealthy partner. If your partner won't cooperate, then she or he is not theright one! The following quiz will highlight exactly where you need work,whether you're currently in a relationship or not. The pages that followwill help you to create positive change.

Quiz—Does Your Relationship Suffer from Constipation?

Take this quiz twice. The first time, think about your partner and choosethe answer that best describes his or her behavior. Circle the letter foryour answer. (Or have your partner take it if you think he or she cananswer sincerely!) Then go back and take the quiz for yourself; be honestwhen you choose how you typically react. Write your answers on the "MyChoice" lines. Ignore the scores until you're finished. If you don'tcurrently have a partner, answer according to how you would haveresponded in your last relationship or how you usually handlecommunication.

___ 1) When I want my partner to do something,

A.) I ask for what I want specifically.

B.) I drop hints about what I want.

C.) I expect my partner to know me inside and out without mehaving to tell him or her everything I want.

My Choice ___ My Score ___

___ 2) When we have an argument or disagreement,

A.) I'm willing to talk it out until we reach an agreement (even if it'sto agree to disagree).

B.) I don't like to be wrong, so I fight to win. I'll say whatever I needto...