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A COMPASS TO PARENTING

iUniverse, Inc.

Contents

Part One The Starting Point:...................................................1Introduction: Setting Your Course..............................................31: The Power of Influence......................................................92: Parenting with Purpose......................................................15Part Two Three Essential Character Qualities in Parenting:.....................253: The Quality of Love.........................................................274: The Quality of Grace........................................................375: The Quality of Patience.....................................................47Part Three How We Understand Each Other:.......................................556: The Way We Communicate Love, Grace and Patience.............................577: Our Expression of Affection.................................................658: Our Distinguishing Personality..............................................73Part Four The Way We Maintain Peace:...........................................799: Responding to and Resolving Conflict........................................8110: The Route to Obedience: Discipline.........................................8711: The Way We Enjoy Parenting.................................................99

Chapter One

For I am mindful of the sincere faith within you, which first dwelt in your grandmother Lois, and your mother Eunice, and I am sure that it is in you as well. 2 Timothy 1:5 (New American Standard)

Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you. —Robert Fulghum

The power of influence is, strangely, an indirect effort. Most of the time, you don't set out purposely to influence someone. Instead, you usually influence someone by just being you. This indirect effort still has powerful impact but not equal to the effort you put into it. How you live your life will influence those around you. You probably are not fully aware of the power you have and can use to change or affect another person's life. The people around you observe and notice your behavior and attitude. If they spend a considerable amount of time with you, you will have a subtle yet penetrating effect on that person. Now, the question is: what kind of influence do you have on your children? What message are you giving them about who you are, what you stand for, and what is important to you?

Every day, your life reveals a story about you. What you say and do every day reveals something about your past, something about you today, and something about your future hopes, dreams, and desires. Have you thought about what you want to see in your child's life? What in your life do you want to influence them? I want my life to influence my children to live for Christ, not for themselves; for them to make relationships a priority in their lives. I want them to live beyond their fears or insecurities to become the person God has designed them to be. When the last chapter of your life is ending here on earth, when all is "said and done," what do you hope will be written on their hearts through the influence you had on each of their lives?

Parenting Is an Influential Profession

Truly influential people are people who attract others to follow them; others like to be around them. Influential people usually make things happen, whether it is something monumental or minuscule. They make things happen without manipulating, forcing, or controlling.

To be influential, you first need to understand and believe you have an impact on others. You need to realize that people like to be around people who show a genuine interest in them. To be influential you need to

• be friendly;

• be complimentary;

• be a good listener;

• be apologetic, sympathetic, and respectful;

• complain and criticize less;

• not condemn or shame;

• use succinct and amiable words; and

• use a gentle and nonthreatening tone.

Influential people show sincerity and passion about life. They are not big complainers or criticizers. They have opinions and desires, but they don't shame, embarrass, condemn, or belittle yours. They listen to your opinions, convictions, and desires and then gently persuade you to listen to theirs. They move you toward the vision in their mind through their words and, above all, how they share those words. A dictator or manipulator can mislead you because he initially seems like this type of sincere, influential person but will turn into a manipulative person once he has hooked you into following him.

As a believer in Christ, with his power in you, you have the ability to allow Christ's influence to impact those around you. Surrendering and allowing his Spirit to work through you is a deliberate awareness on your part. In the fifth chapter of Galatians, Paul talks about denying the desires of the flesh, refusing to walk in those fleshly (worldly) desires, and following the Spirit's lead. "But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please" (Galatians 5:16–17, NAS).

In Galatians 5:19–23, we see counterparts to the choices we can make in our life that will produce good or evil in us, which will eventually impact those around us.

Deeds of the Flesh

* Immorality

* Idolatry

* Anger

* Dissension

* Drunkenness

* Jealousy

* Disputes

Deeds of the Spirit

* Self-control

* Faithfulness

* Love

* Peace

* Joy

* Kindness

* Gentleness

To walk in the Spirit means to surrender your thoughts and intentions to his thoughts and intentions for your life. To walk in the Spirit means to know and believe that God is in you to will and direct each step you take. Do you want that? If you do, then pursue him. Live out your day in conscious pursuit of fulfilling his work for you within the parameters of your sphere of influence.

Each of our personal worlds is different from others. Some people have a world that has many, many people and places in it. Others have a smaller world. It doesn't matter how big or small your world is; what is important is that you believe this is the world upon which God has asked you to be an influence. This sphere of influence is your opportunity to make a difference—to be his voice, his hands, and his feet.

You can do that only if you allow him to shine through you and if you allow him to control you. This is a purpose of the Holy Spirit—to glorify God and to put his character on display through your daily life. Are you willing to release your life, to lay it down and replace it with true worship? What is true worship? Worship is bowing before him with a heart that is desirous to praise his worthiness, to be thankful for what he has done for you...