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Dating Our Money

AuthorHouse

Contents

Introduction..............................................................ix1. Let's Get Real ... NOW!................................................12. If It Looks too Good to Be True ... It Probably Is.....................113. Getting Rid of the Blame Game..........................................214. Take the Time..........................................................255. It is Good to Shop Around..............................................356. The Past Doesn't Lie...................................................457. Having the Tough Conversation..........................................558. Trust Your Gut.........................................................619. Confidence is Key......................................................6910. You Can Always Learn More.............................................7511. Don't Stop Believing..................................................83Valuable Questions From Readers...........................................89Accountability Calendar...................................................92

Chapter One

"If you do not find peace in yourself, you will never find it anywhere else." - Paula A. Bendry

Honesty. It is a hard thing to find both in the dating world and financial industry as we read in the news headlines. I promise in this book to be perfectly honest with you and share all my horrific dating stories and stupid money mistakes I have made in hopes of us learning many valuable lessons together. Now I need a commitment from you to value your time. Instead of going on another stupid date that is going to go nowhere, I want you to take the time to invest in YOU. Right now you need to stop and evaluate your life. What have you done well with money and men? What lessons could you learn before going into your next relationship so you enter one feeling confident and powerful?

Good or bad ... money is power. I may be wrong but I don't think anyone became Donald Trump's friend because of his winning personality. They wanted to learn and be around someone who is powerful and influential. Don't we all at times? No, I don't think your goal or mine in life is to be Donald Trump but I use this example to illustrate a point. We all need to recognize that money can be a valuable resource in helping us gain equality or power when we enter any relationship. Knowing how to manage your money and having financial peace will give you confidence. Women get abused in relationships and at work when they feel trapped and think there is no way out. The knowledge we gain together can protect you from this point forward. You can walk confidently knowing you are any man's equal. Don't let anyone abuse you – emotionally or physically. Either one is dangerous.

What is the number one trait that men find attractive in women? Confidence! This book is going to help you attract the right kind of people into your life. I will help you see the warning signs about who you don't want in your life. Don't worry. I have made plenty of mistakes myself. Ask my friends. They get to share my tears and laughter with each new dating saga and lesson learned.

Ok, now it is time to stop and take a tough look at ourselves. (It is ok to get up and look at your beautiful self in the mirror while you ask yourself these questions.)

A PERSONAL EVALUATION

1. Where are you at this stage in life?

2. Have you reached your goals?

3. Are you in a good place financially and emotionally?

4. What would you like to change from this point forth?

Here are my answers to these questions to see if it helps give you some guidance:

1. Where are you at this stage in life?

I am a single parent who has finally learned how to be comfortable being alone and confident in speaking the truth. When my husband first passed on, it was so hard to go to functions by myself. I felt so self-conscious because everyone else was married but now I am ok. (Not that I wouldn't rather have the perfect date but I have quickly learned that no date is better than a BAD date!)

I adore being a mother but also fear what will happen as my boys grow older and less dependent on me. Right now, my whole life is centered around them and their activities while trying to juggle work.

2. Have you reached your goals?

Are you crazy? Of course not! Work is where I feel I fall short the most and it is hard for me because I want to give my all to everything. I know you have to pick different priorities at different stages of life and right now being a mom and family comes first. It still eats at me because I want to be successful with my career too. My mom always lectures me that, "You won't get these years back. Enjoy your time with the kids. It will be gone before you know it."

3. Are you in a good place emotionally and financially?

Depends what day and time of day you ask. Are my boys' body slamming each other and driving me crazy or cuddling with me and saying, "You are the best mom ever."

Overall I am grateful. I have a loving family and friends who have absolutely been there for me through the good and bad. I hope everyone reading this book has a strong support system because you will need it at some point in your life. If you are in a relationship that has isolated you from all your friends and family this is a huge red flag, please get out now. You can't go it alone and you will get resentful of your boyfriend or husband. It slowly grows over time. I promise I know. Been there, done that. It is a long, slow road back to restoring your friendships.

Financially, I feel blessed. I have been given much more than most single parents left in my circumstances. Statistics are frightening for widows. In a study from the US Administration of Aging entitled "Meeting the Needs of Older Women: A Diverse and Growing Population" almost three quarters of older persons with incomes below the poverty level are women. More than half of elderly widows now living in poverty were not poor before the death of their husbands. Facts show over and over again that women live longer than men and women outlive their savings. It is time to make a change! I still have the time to create more wealth for myself and hopefully you do to. This book will help you create an action plan designed to meet your specific needs.

4. What would you like to change from this point forth?

I would like to be able to eliminate my use of credit cards. Around a year ago, I took Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University course. Some financial advisors cringe at his name but it was helpful. Using cash only and a strict budget eliminates compulsive spending. I felt a new confidence when I kept my spending in line with my budget. This fact may seem totally contrary. Often, we think a strict budget will make us feel restricted but it does the opposite. It gives you confidence and courage that you are gaining maturity. You won't overspend. You also gain a new peace by feeling in control. You are in charge of your money instead of your money and fears about your money governing you. Don't let debt imprison you. There is a way out....