Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Christopher Bonner is an American author and pastor of the Mt. Zion Baptist Church in Carrollton Georgia. He is passionate about life and seeing others live fruitful and successful lives. His message is always about having a proper connection with God so that we can live our best lives. He has written three books in his career. One book encourages couples how to have a successful marriage that lasts a lifetime. The book is titled "Marriage That Lasts". Christopher also wrote a children's book that light-heartedly details the effects that Covid 19 had on our lives during the year 2020. This book is titled "2020, What a year". Because life is becoming more difficult each day, he feels there is an urgency to get the gospel message out to everyone. He lives in Carrollton with his wife Carisa, where they enjoy their family and community.

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Marriage That Lasts

AuthorHouse

Chapter One

The unfortunate truth to most marriages is that many people get married for the wrong reasons. If this is your situation, then you are doomed from the beginning. Not to say that being married for the wrong reason cannot be turned around and the marriage made to work, but it does mean that there will be some hard work and determination involved. Surprisingly while many would quickly boast their love for one another, few marriages are actually based on love. If you are fortunate enough to have this as your reason for marriage, then you are well on your way to having success at it. Reason being, is that love as stated in the 1 Peter 4:8 covers a multitude of sins. One may ask, what do you mean by that? Well, when you love someone, it is easier to look beyond their faults and come to a compromise on your differences. Love replaces stubbornness and encourages you to seek a correction to the discrepancy in the marriage. Love is the fuel that supplies the engine of marriage to reach the destination of forever.

Wrong reason #1

While you are fortunate to marry for love, there are those who are not so fortunate. There are those who marry for several other reasons that make the success of the marriage difficult. The first reason I will discuss is "peer pressure". I know this sounds juvenile and adolescent, but the sad truth is there are adults who act like children in the case of marriage. Peer pressure comes most often to women. When a woman witnesses her friends getting married, she, in an effort to not feel left out, begins to pursue marriage for herself. Ever heard the phrase, which was also turned into movie, "always a bridesmaid, never a bride". The movie portrayed the alienation of single hood in a comical display which resolved to a happy ending. This is not the ending for most. As fate would have it, many marriages based on this premise, end within the first few years. The reason is because, the couple have no regard for the life of the marriage, just getting to the "I DO" so they can overcome peer pressure and say they are no longer left out.

While I referenced this being most common to women, believe it or not, it also happens to men. We men tend to have these clicks that we call the "brotherhood" or "players club", or whatever catchy names that are out there for them now. We organize these groups on the premise of being distinct to having our way with women without the commitment to any particular one. To be a part of the group, you have to vow to not get caught up in love and get settled down with your girl. Well everyone in the group usually holds true to his commitment for a while. Lo and behold, there is always that one who gets too much pressure from his "ole lady" and is issued the ultimatum of "if you are not going to marry me, then it's over". Of course, he caves in because he loved her all along but was just trying to be "hard" for the sake of his club membership. With his marrying his sweetheart, it starts the avalanche of destruction to the "player's club". Within a few months, another member is proposing, then another, and so on. Then before you know, all that is left of the "homies" is you. You are determined to hold out because you are going to remain true to the game. Well now, not only are you getting serious pressure from your girlfriend, but you are also getting it from your former club members who can't figure out why you are still holding out. Then it happens, you are not ready, but you go forth with it and take your woman in matrimony. You don't know what's required of you. You don't know the ramifications because you did not take advantage of single life to research marriage. You don't know what to expect, but now you are stuck to try and make success our of a mess that you created for yourself. Not a good situation to be in. Don't despair, you can make it work, but It will definitely take finishing this book and a lot more effort.

Wrong reason #2

The second most common wrong reason for marriage is the "Old Maid Syndrome". Also a common trait in women, seems to fall upon women who are coming of age. As a woman gets older all her clocks seemingly start ticking louder and louder until she feels that a huge coo coo bird is going to jump out of each of them and scream "TIMES UP". She has a biological clock ticking which is determining how late she can wait to bear children. Along with that, the old maid clock is ticking to help her keep track of how long she can wait to get married before feeling it's too embarrassing to do so. After all, any "good" woman is married by thirty, right? While I don't know of there being an age limit to marriage, and certainly not a correlation of the quality of a woman to her age at marriage, many women become trapped in their minds, thinking that if a man doesn't marry them by age thirty, there is something wrong with them. This mindset pushes them into the strife for marriage, and often compromise of their integrity and character, to hurry down the aisle to matrimony. Unfortunately, this is not a recipe for a healthy or lasting marriage.

Ladies, you must know that this is a serious trap of your mind. In escaping the trap, the first thing to remember is that waiting is a good thing. There is nothing wrong with waiting until the man that God created for you comes to you. What many women forget is that delay is not denial. Just because God has you on the waiting list, it does not mean that He has forgotten about you or is just flat out not going to honor your request. Continue to remain patient and trust that being single is good. It is only the time that God has allotted for you to prepare yourself for what He has coming your way. There is something really helpful and beneficial to you that you could do during your preparation period. That is to take out your list of quality standards that you have prepared for which you will compare your mate to. Read through your list and measure yourself to all the items you have set for your man to meet. I think you might find that many of the requirements you have for your ideal man, you don't meet yourself. This is why singleness is preparation time. Don't spend so much time drawing out the blueprint of how you want your man to be. Instead make sure you are right and prepared for the man that God is going to send you. If you meet the standards you require in a man, then you will most definitely attract that caliber of man to yourself. God will not take a king and put him together with a peasant, but he will give him a queen. This is one of the major reasons why many women stay single so long or have to wait so long to be married. You are hindering yourself by making requirements for a man that you don't even meet.

You also have to remember that you are not to be looking for a man, he is to be looking for you. The scripture in Proverbs 18:22 states, he that finds a wife, finds a good thing, not the other way around. Now don't take this and feel that nobody is looking for you. You may not realize it but you are being pursued. The "Adam" that God has created for you is constantly in pursuit to find you. He has to find you in order to be complete. There is something of his that you have and it is not your clothes, hair, shape or shoes. Seemingly these are the things women want to be quick to change when they...