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The Get-Over-Yourself Self-Help Book and Other Essays

iUniverse, Inc.

Contents

Foreword.......................................................ixAcknowledgements...............................................xiThe Backward Section...........................................xiiiPost-Backward Section..........................................xixIntroduction...................................................xxiWhy People Go Postal...........................................1Kentucky Bleu Grass Blues......................................9In Flanders's Fields the Coffee Grows..........................14Leave It to the Beaver.........................................17Invest in NASA!................................................19Stop the War Against Mosquitoes!...............................21Say Whatever You Bleeping Want.................................23Stop the Evildoers!............................................25Green Light Blues..............................................27A Knowledgeable Friendly Story.................................30The Turn of the Screw..........................................33Dealing with Difficult People..................................36Multiculturalism in the New Society............................38The Ghost of Christmas Future..................................41Boxed In.......................................................44Say Cheese!....................................................46Einstein's Time Management.....................................49Snails and Puppy Dog Tails.....................................52Defending Tradition............................................55The Thing That Wouldn't Go Away................................58Metaphor.......................................................61A Glass Half Empty.............................................64Age Spots......................................................67On the Existence of God........................................69Licorice and Old Lace..........................................71Light Traveling in a Vacuum....................................74The Smile of a Sphinx..........................................77E-gads and E-mail..............................................79Living in the Fray.............................................82The Firefly Fields of Gleneagle................................85The Appliance is the Message...................................87Humidex Values.................................................89Wooden Spoons and Eyebrows.....................................91High Speed in Hell.............................................93Concrete Impressions...........................................96Time Warps.....................................................98Ten-Digit Hand Gliding.........................................100Einstein's Lesser Known Theory.................................103Tutti-Frutti Squared...........................................106How to Lead a Simple Life......................................109A Hallowe'en Scary Story.......................................114A Kafka Christmas..............................................119A History of Shopping..........................................121Myrtle of Alcove...............................................125Eggnog Cappuccino..............................................128A Leap of Faith................................................130Grey-haired Guinea Pigs........................................133The Bar-Code Barbarians........................................136Stalking Murray Orlando........................................138The Butterfly Monologues.......................................141The Chickadee..................................................144Opus 67 in B-Flat-Screen.......................................146Banking on Fear................................................148Greedful Things................................................151Cherry Nougat Flame Delight....................................153The Get-Over-Yourself Self-Help Book...........................155Putting Stress on Hold.........................................158Leacock Latté.............................................161Window Pains...................................................164Coal Dust Lament...............................................166Elderberry Whine...............................................168How to be a Snarky Bitch.......................................170Is It Safe?....................................................173The Eyes of Mars...............................................176Phoney Baloney.................................................179A Parent's Necessity...........................................182Crack Credit...................................................184Diamonds before Swine..........................................186Much Ado About To-Do...........................................188Floored........................................................191Transmogulated SIV's...........................................193It's a Warm World After All....................................196A Winter's Day.................................................198A Neighbourhood Christmas......................................201Inclement Weather..............................................204Stop Everything!...............................................207Traitors.......................................................209Catatonia......................................................211Pressure? What Pressure?.......................................213Feeding the Machine: The Pre-Job Interview.....................216Feeding the Machine: The Job Interview.........................219Remotely Controlled............................................221Stoogeology by G Budziszewski..................................224Please Don't Feed the Banksters................................226Water Water Everywhere.........................................228Shopping Cart Psychology.......................................230The Black Fly Effect...........................................233Stop the Dog!..................................................235Apple Cores....................................................237Sailing Through Life...........................................240A Bad Hair Day.................................................242DisCERNning Minds..............................................245Reality Bites..................................................247Gizzards and Gizmos............................................249Pretty in Pink.................................................251Measuring Happiness............................................254Been Tired Lately?.............................................256The Fifth Winter...............................................258Frugal Frights.................................................260Whereto Webpitaph?.............................................263American Thanksgiving..........................................266Cape Breton/Quebec Relations...................................269The Unbearable Lightness of Beans..............................272Wallsmart......................................................275Decorative Details.............................................278The ER Zone....................................................281Google Smoogle.................................................284The Unspeakable...