Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Cathy Robinson is a Registered Psychologist in Alberta. A graduate of York University with a Bachelor of Arts degree with Honours in Psychology, she has also completed a Master's of Education degree in the Counselling Program at the University of Alberta. Over the past 15 years Cathy has worked and volunteered in family and teen support programs, employment programs for youth, in programs that support new immigrants to Canada and in hospital settings. She has also worked as a sessional instructor at the University of Alberta. As a psychologist working in private practice in a medical clinic her clients included children, adolescents, adults, and couples. Cathy began to pursue the area of writing after the birth of her third child, and her hope is to continue writing as a way to reach out and inspire others. She currently resides in Edmonton, Alberta with her husband and their children.

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A Melody of Hope

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Contents

Foreword by Ruth Dubois...........................................................xiIntroduction......................................................................xiiiChapter One.......................................................................1Slipping through My Fingers by Cathy Robinson.....................................1Chapter Two.......................................................................12Shooting Star by Patrice Skovgaard................................................12Chapter Three.....................................................................24Our Million-Dollar Family by Tina Kulifaj.........................................24Chapter Four......................................................................31Maybe the Bar Was too High by Jo-Ann Smith........................................31Chapter Five......................................................................41Just for Today, Do It for You by Dolores Elliott..................................41Chapter Six.......................................................................59This Too Shall Pass by Ruth Dubois................................................59Chapter Seven.....................................................................67A Daughter's Story: Mami, Can You Hear Me? by Denise Palacios.....................67Afterword.........................................................................77Glossary..........................................................................81Signs and Symptoms of Eating Disorders............................................82Resources.........................................................................84

Chapter One

It was September 2009, and I was sitting in a chair outside thechange room of the bridal shop. Melody was trying on weddingdresses for her upcoming wedding. While I anxiously waited to seeher first selection, Melody's bridesmaids were chatting excitedly aboutthe piles of dresses she would try on. I was suddenly overwhelmedwith joy and gratitude, as there was a time when I could never haveimagined this scene. Melody suffered an eating disorder that nearlytook her life. I struggled to understand her pain but simply couldnot. Our family rode a turbulent roller coaster, and we wondered ifwe could survive this living hell. As I watched my daughter slowlyslipping away, I found solace in a song written by ABBA.

Slipping through My Fingers

Do I really see what's in her mind
Each time I think I'm close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time.

While humming the song in my head, I heard Melody announceshe was ready to show her first dress. When the curtain opened, Igasped, and tears immediately sprang into my eyes. She was beautifuland filled out the dress to perfection. There was no evidence of herformer disease—she was healthy and glowing. "Praise the Lord,"was all I could muster at that moment. I heard the ooohs and ahhhsfrom her bridal party and watched as Melody lapped up all the love.This was going to be a wonderful day! When she slipped into thedressing room to try on another dress, I couldn't help but thinkback to the time when the eating disorder reared its ugly head andnearly killed my precious daughter.

* * *

It was April 2005, and I was sitting in my home office. Icould hear Melody downstairs through the heating vent—she wasvomiting. I had heard her several times over the past few weeks. Itwas always the same pattern:

1. Huge meal consumed quickly

2. Hurried exit from kitchen

3. Bathroom door closes

4. Water running in the sink

5. Emerges red eyed and flushed

In the beginning, I pushed the thought of an eating disorder farfrom my mind. I thought, This is not happening to my daughter! ...This is not happening to our family! ... I am just imagining this ...She looks well ... She is not overly thin ... She seems happy ...

I sat staring at the heating vent and listening, but my heart waspounding so loudly that I couldn't hear anything. I could feel mybreathing getting faster ... and a lump formed in my throat ...I couldn't swallow ... my mouth was suddenly very dry ... myhands were shaking ... I didn't want to hear this ... I wanted to rundownstairs and tell her to stop it ... but I didn't ... I couldn't faceit or her or this horrible reality ... instead, I just sat and listenedand fought back tears.

I heard myself murmur, "Please, God, make her stop this. Healher body and mind. Help her love herself." I rambled on and on inmy head ... I didn't know what I was saying or if it made sense.I did know that this disease kills young women, and now it hasattacked my daughter. Oh God no!

I felt alone and terrified and powerless ... I remember praying,God, please take care of this. I can't do it alone.

* * *

My mind came back to the present as Melody emerged to revealanother wedding dress. More ooohs and ahhhs ... it was hard tobelieve that she was even more beautiful in this gown. I couldn'tcontain myself and jumped up to hug her. Her bridesmaids weregushing and declared that this was the "one," but Melody washaving too much fun to stop. There was a row of gowns, and shewas determined to try them all on. She headed into the dressingroom, and again, my mind wandered back in time—this time, toMelody's birth in 1987.

* * *

She was a beautiful, quiet tiny baby. I loved holding her. Withblonde hair and blue eyes, she looked just like her older sisters. As atoddler, she was very shy and quiet and clung to me when we wentout. She did not seem to adjust well when her younger sister wasborn and constantly competed for my attention.

When my husband passed away in 1996, I was left with fourchildren. My daughters were devastated, and I was emotionallyunavailable to help them through their grief, as I was exhausted andtired from working overtime to pay the bills and care for the girls.

My daughters had to be self-reliant, and I know Melody struggledwith this much more deeply than her sisters. She needed more ofme than I could give. She became an anxious teenager and rarelystepped out of her comfort zone to try new activities or projects. Shewas moody and yelled at lot ... "No!" she screamed a lot, and hersisters avoided her at all costs. Melody was diagnosed with clinicaldepression and anxiety at age sixteen. Her family doctor said shewas sad about losing her dad and was afraid that I might die too.She became very vigilant and hovered at my bedside whenever I wassick. Every time I rolled over in bed, there was her anxious, worriedface looking at me.

"Do you want some water, Mom? ... You have to eat thesandwich I made, or you won't get well ... Do you need some pills,Mom? ... Mom, I think you should go to the doctor."

I quickly recognized that I could not show any signs of illness,tiredness, or weakness, as Melody became anxious, moody, andscreamed at everyone in the house. I learned to plaster a smile onmy face to show that I was well. Again, the lyrics in the ABBA songflooded my mind and were eerily poignant.

Slipping through...