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ODDITIES

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Chapter One

THE FOUNDER DONUT CAVALIER SOMBER RIOT PONDER PASSIVE THE BEARER OF BURDENS DEATH

[OPEN CURTAINS]

[AT THE CENTER OF THE STAGE IS A WOODEN TABLE AND WOODEN CHAIR, WITH THE SMOKE OF INCENCE RISING. TO THE LEFT AT THE FRONT OF THE STAGE ARE SEVEN WOODEN CHAIRS ALIGNED IN A ROW. TO THE RIGHT OF THE STAGE IS A SINGLE WOODEN CHAIR. THIN SMOKE DOMINATES THE STAGE.]

[ENTERS THE FOUNDER. HE IS DRESSD IN BLACK. HE HAS A BOTTLE IN A BROWN PAPER BAG IN HIS RIGHT HAND. IN HIS LEFT HAND, HE HOLDS A BLACK HAND-GUN.]

[HE SITS DOWN BY THE TABLE. HE COCKS THE GUN AND SIGHS.]

THE FOUNDER: [A VOICE IS HEARD.] SO, HERE I AM AGAIN, ENGAGING THE TERMINAL HOUR.

MY MIND LAGS TODAY. MY MIND IS SWIFT TODAY.

MY THOUGHTS ARE STREWN AND TATTERED. SHATTERED. SPLATTERED.

I AM TIRED. TUCKERED. SPENT.

MY MORTAL FORM ACHES FROM A DULL STITCH.

BUT I CONTINUE TO UNRAVEL.

I WANT TO KILL MYSELF BECAUSE I AM NOT STRONG. I AM SAMSON SHORN.

FINALLY, I CAN SIMPLY APPLY A SLIGHT PRESSURE, AND [PAUSES], THAT IS ALL.

THE FINAL EXIT, THE CURTAIN SHALL CLOSE.

A LIFE BEFITTING THE TRAGIC THESPIAN'S ENDING ON THE BARD OF AVON'S STAGE.

I AM THE WINGLESS AND LASHED INSECT SEARCHING FOR LOST KNOWLEDGE IN THE MOUND, FOR MANNA IS CLAIMED HERE WITHIN THIS GOLDEN COMMUNE, HENCE I MUST GATHER MILK AND HONEY FROM THE HIVE FOR THE LOST SOULS ON THE BANKS AND SHOALS AND STRANDS AND BEACHES OF CHAOS OF THE MIND.

BRING BLASPHEMY AND GIGGLES TO ANARCHY, AND YOU WILL HAVE CHAOS! [PLACING THE GUN TO HIS LEFT TEMPLE AND PULLING THE TRIGGER SEVEN TIMES QUICKLY. SHUDDERING CLICKS ARE HEARD.]

WHY DO I LAUGH WHEN I AM ALONE? WHY AM I GIDDY? IS IT BECAUSE I ACHE SO MUCH, SO DEEPLY, THAT I MUST IMAGINE AND INVENT LAUGHTER TO ACCOMPANY ME? AM I SO ALOOF FROM HUMANITY AND NATIVITY THAT I MUST CREATE FALSE IMAGES TO WITNESS MY EXISTENCE? I AM A HOMELESS GOD.

MY PRIDE HAS BEEN WOUNDED. MY VANITY HAS BEEN WOUNDED. MY SOUL HAS BEEN WOUNDED. I BLEED. I PLEAD. I AM DISEASED. I WILL BE DECEASED.

IT HAS BECOME AN ART FORM THAT I HAVE NOT SLEPT FOR FORTY DAYS AND FORTY NIGHTS. INSOMNIA IS THE VOGUE. SO IS FASTING.

I DO NOT HIDE MUCH TODAY. I DO NOT CONCEAL ANYTHING TODAY. I AM TRANSPARENT TODAY.

IHAVENOMOREWORRIES,NOMORENAGGING,CUMBERSOME RESPECT FOR LIFE.

SOON, IT WILL BE OVER. A FRIVOLOUS, MEANDERING LIFE WILL DASH THE COURSE ... AND I SHALL BE VICTORIOUS!

I AM SUCH A DRAMA QUEEN!

[LIGHT DIMS FROM THE FOUNDER.]

[ENTERS DONUT. SHE IS DRESSED IN A BRIGHT FLOWERY-PINK AND NEON BLUE GOWN. SHE PRANCES AROUND THE STAGE]

DONUT: [SINGING] I'M GONNA BE A DANCER, A SINGER, A WRITER, A MUSIC MAKER. MANY NOVELS, MAYBE A BABY DOCTOR ... [SHE PAUSES]

MY WHAT A BEAUTIFUL GARDEN!

[ENTERS CAVALIER. HE IS DRESSED IN CASUAL DENOM CLOTHING. HE IS SMOKING.]

CAVALIER: HEY DONUT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? [RUEFULLY] BETTER YET, WHERE ARE YOU GOING THIS TIME?

[HE SITS DOWN ON THE SECOND CHAIR ON THE LEFT OF THE STAGE. LIGHT DIMS ON CAVALIER]

DONUT: [INNOCENTLY] OH! I'M IN MY GARDEN ...

THIS LEAF WHICH GLEANS IN MORNING SUNLIGHT, AS WINDS AWAKE HER WITH ELATION; THEIR SMILE WHICH DRIFTS TO A NEW DAY, CATCHING THE SUSPENDED GREEN PETAL, CONVERGING WITH TIMBRES OF THE SUNRISE AMBIENCE.

ORCHESTRAS OF MELODIES COMPOSE STREAMS THAT DO AGREE, THIS PETIOLE OF GREEN, SO GRAND AS THAT BRIGHT ASTRAL QUEEN: HER COSMIC LAMINATION, THIS RADIANCE, HER ALLEGIANCE TO THIS EVER DELICATE FROND SHE BLOWS HER WARMING BREATH.

THE LIGHT OF LIFE FROM THIS GLINTING IMMORTAL EYE, HER VOICE, SO FRESH OF THIS EVERGREEN MINT: A BLADE, SO NURTURED IN THE AUTUMN AIR A GLADE, SO FAIR, AS SHE GLEAMS IN THE VIRGIN AIR.

[LIGHT BRIGHTENS ON CAVALIER. CAVALIER GETS UP AND APPROACHES DONUT.]

CAVALIER: [FLASHING HIS RIGHT PALM OVER HIS HEAD] SWOOSH! UM, LET ME GUESS, DONUT IN WONDERLAND?

NO, BETTER YET, THE COLORS MAN! DONUT AND, UH, DONUT IN THE SKIES WITH DIAMONDS. WOULD YOU LIKE YOU GET HIGH WITH A LITTLE HELP........OOPS! DO NOT WANT TO BE SUED BY LE BUGS.

AND BESIDES I DO NOT GET HIGH! YEA RITE! I AM INNOCENT YOU KNOW. A CUTIE PIE. A SWEET HEART. [CAVALIER TAKES A DEEP PULL.]

[LAUGHING] YOU ARE SUCH MIND TRIP DONUT! BETTER ONE: PEPPERMINT DOUNT. ALPHA CENTAURI HERE I COME! [CAVALIER CONTINUES TO LAUGH AND SMOKE.]

[HE HUMS THE SONG `EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE' AS HE PUFFS]. I HOPE THAT LE COPS DO NOT SUE ME.

NO THEY CANNOT SUE ME. CANNOT! I REMEMBER WHEN RUBY RUBRIC RED, THE RUBY EYED ONE ON THE BRINK OF THE RUBICON, THE GREAT QUEEN RENAE, ASKED ME IF I WERE AN ANDRIOD ON BOARD A SPACESHIP BECAUSE I DID NOT USE CONTRACTIONS. OH! AFTERWARDS I WAS MADE A PLEDGE. I MUST BE SLIPPING AGAIN. I HATE WHEN I START TALKING TO MYSELF AS IF I KNOW THAT WHAT I AM SAYING IS SOMETHING INTELLECTUAL.

I SHOULD STOP. EXCELLENT! AS STEVEN WOULD SAY. THEN AGAIN I WOULD NOT EXPECT YOU TO KNOW WHO STEVEN IS DONUT. AND DO NOT EVEN ASK ABOUT RUBY RED. ACTION! UM? WHO AM I TALKING TO? [SINGING] I AM TALKING TO MEEEEEE!

[HE HUMS THE NIRVANA SONG, `LITHIUM'] I AM SO HAPPY...I AM NOT GOING TO BE SUED.

DONUT: HUSH YOU! YOU NEVER TAKE ME SERIOUSLY, CAVALIER.

NO ONE EVER APPRECIATES THE DREAMER! [DONUT RUNS TO THE FIRST SEAT ON THE LEFT OF THE STAGE AND POUTS. LIGHT DIMS ON DONUT.]

CAVALIER: WHOA! WHAT A SPOOKY CHICK SHE IS! I CANNOT BELIEVE WE SHARE THE SAME PSYCHE!

[BEHIND CAVALIER, LIGHT BRIGHTENS ON A FIGURE IN BLACK, CARRYING A BLACK SAC OVER THE RIGHT SHOULDER, AS HE LIMPS ACROSS THE STAGE. ON HIS RIGHT ANKLE IS CHAINED A LARGE IRON RING WHICH GRAZES ON THE STAGE. LIGHT BRIGHTENS ON THE FOUNDER. THE FOUNDER CAN BE SEEN DRINKINGFROMTHEBOTTLE.LIGHTDIMSONTHEFOUNDER. AS THE FIGURE IN BLACK REACHES THE MIDDLE OF THE STAGE, LIGHT DIMS ON HIM. THIS SOLEMN SEQUENCE WILL OCCUR EACH TIME THE FIGURE APPEARS ON THE STAGE.]

CAVALIER: [STARTLED] I MUST BE SEEING THINGS. I HAVE NOT STARTED DRINKING YET. [CAVALIER BURPS, AND THEN SITS IN HIS DESIGNATED SEAT. LIGHT DIMS ON CAVALIER.]

THE FOUNDER: [LIGHT BRIGHTENS ON THE FOUNDER. A VOICE IS HEARD] IT IS NOT REAL. NOTHING EVER IS REAL.

I DO NOT EXIST IN FORM FOR I AM NOT PERFECT. FOR I AM NOT FAULTLESS. I AM NEVER IN THE PRESENT. I AM IN THE PAST. I AM IN THE PRESCIENT.

I AM DUPED DOWN BY MANY CLOUDS AND CLUTTERS OF HEAVEN. THERE IS THUNDER. THERE IS FEAR. I RUN DOWN THE CORRIDORS OF THIS SACRED PLACE ONLY TO FIND NOTHING. HEAVEN IS EMPTY. A BLIND THOUGHT OF A BOUND FIGURE. COBWEBS.

EVERYTHING IS AN INSANE IDEA AND DOGMA OF SOME FIGUREHEAD, ASSUMING THE ROLE OF GOD'S RELIEF. TIME I AM, DESTROYER OF WORLDS.

THINKING THEIR GUIDANCE, THEIR ROT IS WORTH LISTENING TO, IS WORTH FOLLOWING AS A MINDLESS CANDALA, IS WORTH BOWING TO. GOD DOES NOT LIKE ME. BECAUSE I AM NOT AMUSING. TIME I AM, DESTROYER OF WORLDS. SO WHEN LORD NATARAJA STANDS FIRM. SO WILL TIME END. CANDALADOG EATER.

I PRAY AND THERE IS NO ANSWER.

STILL THEY TELL ME TO PRAY. THEN THEY TAKE MY MONEY.

THEY FORGET THAT GOD WILL BE BORED ON THE DAY OF DISOLLUTION. LORD VISHNU WILL YAWN. THERE WILL NO LONGER BE THE DANCE OF LORD NATARAJA, LORD SHIVA. THE ETERNAL FEET WILL BE PLANTED IN THE STREAM OF DISBELIEF. TIME I AM DESTROYER OF WORLDS.

I CLEANSE MYSELF, I PURIFY MYSELF AFTER I DARE TO EMBRACE GOD. FOR I AM GOD STRIPPED IN THE EXCREMENTS OF THE ONCE SACRED GANGES. NOW DEAD BODIES FLOAT IN HER WATERS. I AM EMACIATED AFTER GOD'S TOUCH.

STRUCTURES OF DIVINITY AND NATIVITY ARE BLAZING GRAVES...