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I'd Rather Roll Than Rattle

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Contents

Some of Us Can't Sing....................................1The Preacher's Kids Again................................3The Local Train..........................................5Evangelical Fervor.......................................7Love on the Farm.........................................9Use of a Cane............................................11Social Services via Social Security......................13When the Road Gets Slick.................................15Hail the Gin.............................................17Don't Judge a Book by Its Cover..........................19And if You Believe That..................................21How Cold Did It Get?.....................................23The Chewing Gum Saga.....................................25S, Hablo Espaol........................................27Wham! Bam! No ... No Slam!...............................29The Party That Never Ended...............................31Strike Two...............................................33You Better Not Go In There...............................35Round Up Time............................................37The War of the Garden Plots..............................39Not Quite the Right Word.................................41Cowboys and Indians......................................43On a Hot Day.............................................45What's in a Name?........................................47The Surprise Brownies....................................49Some People's Opinion You Don't Want.....................51Some Things Just Don't Work..............................53Bless You................................................55Name It What You Want To.................................57Read the Signs...........................................59Fat's Where It's At......................................61The Splitgarber Square...................................63Oh No! A Snake!..........................................65A Sale You Couldn't Beat.................................67Snapping Turtles Really Do Snap..........................69It Got Boring At The Park................................71Watch Your Mouth.........................................73Always a Wild Streak.....................................75The Good Stuff Didn't Work...............................77Just Like the Ad.........................................79Hooray for Brazil Nuts...................................81International Food.......................................83Why Would You Lie To Your Children?......................85Three Is Too Many........................................87Pulling Rank.............................................89Looks Don't Deceive......................................91Andrew's Friend Chester..................................93I Don't Think So.........................................95Misguided Gift Selection.................................97Sooner or Later..........................................99All Fish Don't Come From the Tank........................101Extra Cleanup............................................103Love of the First Vehicle................................105Which One?...............................................107The Infamous Hand Prints.................................109It's a Coat and Tie Affair...............................111Minus Two Birds..........................................113When Your Ears Get Cold..................................115Worth a Whistle..........................................117The Corral Vegetables....................................119Happy Birthday...........................................121Uh-oh....................................................123A Trip into the Unknown..................................125Where Does That Thing Go?................................127Too Much Organization....................................129Description of Mother....................................131Swat!....................................................133An Unusual Medicine......................................135The Magnificent Magnolia.................................137Senior Sneak.............................................139So You Don't Believe.....................................141Meeting George...........................................143The Eye Exam.............................................145Revising an Old Tune.....................................147

Chapter One

I like music, and I very much enjoy group singing and such. But the truth is I am sadly lacking in natural vocal ability. I once lamented this fact to a friend of the family who has a nice tenor voice.

"It's dreadful! I can't even carry a tune."

"Oh yes you can," he graciously replied, but then he followed up with, "You just have heck unloading it!"

The Preacher's Kids Again

Preachers' children always get teased and hassled about things they say and things they do. Our pastor friend Joe had two daughters and a son, and they had their fair share of troubles.

On one particular occasion, the two girls were being questioned about an incident. When their dad came to the youngest, he said, "Why didn't you just tell daddy the truth about it?

She answered, "Because I knew you would have a pissy attitude."

Choice of language became the new topic of discussion!

The Local Train

Branching off from the Texas and Pacific Railroad line that ran west through Pecos was a little spur line that ran from Pecos to Toyahvale. Its main purpose was to accommodate a large gravel pit about 18 miles south of Pecos. It ran all the way to Toyahvale, where there was an occasional load of cattle or sheep to ship out. The cotton gins along the way also used it from time to time. The PVS - Pecos Valley Southern, which we nicknamed "Pulls Very Slowly," did not run real frequently, particularly to the most southern part of the route.

It delighted my daddy to come to one of the dirt road railroad crossings, let much of the air out of the tires of his `52 Chevy pickup, and then drive down the railroad tracks! He said there was no traffic (it's not like there was much traffic on the highways in the area) and you could make real good time!

Evangelical Fervor

My friend Phoebe lived in a farmhouse just outside of Balmorhea. Right next to their yard was a concrete irrigation ditch. It frequently had water in it that was running about 2 1/2 to 3 feet deep. At the age of nine we were allowed to play in the water without adult supervision.

Recently, the local Baptist Church had a number of people baptized during a big revival. Phoebe and I got the whole routine down perfectly. "I baptize you my sister (brother) in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost...."

We put on some bathrobes and went out into the irrigation ditch. We baptized each other several times; by immersion, of course, then we decided to look for new candidates. A litter of new puppies that didn't have their eyes open yet were the first to go through the ritual. We worked fast because it wasn't our intention to drown them.

Next we managed to catch a couple of chickens. They were not readily compliant with our spiritual activities. We did not give up. Our next "believers" were the cats. We only made it through two of the cats. They were more than reluctant to be baptized. We got scratched up enough that we gave up the calling and moved on to something safer.

Love on the Farm

What did the plow say to the tractor? Pull...