Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Martin Skeer, Ph.D., M.B.A, has been an independent management consultant for over thirty years, leading others to set achievable goals, establish sound implementation processes, cope with external environments, and manage risk. He has three children, five grandchildren, and lives in California with his wife of over forty years.

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Realizing Your Potential For Fulfillment and Happiness

iUniverse, Inc.

Contents

Preface.................................................................................xiiiPart I Understanding Potential and Actual Fulfillment and Happiness.....................1Chapter 1 Introduction..................................................................3Chapter 2 Potential for Fulfillment and Happiness.......................................7Chapter 3 afh and the Relationship to pfh...............................................21Part II Improving Your Potential and Actual.............................................39Chapter 4 Relationships That Affect Quality of Life.....................................41Chapter 5 Other Aspects of Life That Impact pfh.........................................75Chapter 6 Ways to Increase Your afh.....................................................89Chapter 7 Concluding Thoughts...........................................................101

Chapter One

We are confronted by and often struggle with life's challenges and adversities on a daily basis. But how well we're doing, or what's reasonable to expect of ourselves under the circumstances, is difficult to assess. My attempt to come to grips with these and other related imponderables stimulated extensive thought-provoking discussion over a period of years. This has culminated in the development of a conceptual framework that brings abstract ideas related to behavior and attitudes into much sharper focus. Ultimately, this book is about enhancing quality of life by increasing our sense of fulfillment and happiness.

After I explored ideas specifically related to personal fulfillment and happiness, a key question that emerged is, to what extent has a person's potential for fulfillment and happiness been realized in relation to his actual fulfillment and happiness over time? It became apparent to me that potential for and actual were two interconnected yet fundamentally different gauges of fulfillment and happiness. In this regard, potential fulfillment and happiness can be defined as how people would be expected to feel under the current set of circumstances; whereas actual fulfillment and happiness is the way people really do feel, regardless of the prevailing circumstances. For convenience and brevity, potential for fulfillment and happiness is referred to as "pfh" or "potential," and actual fulfillment and happiness is termed "afh" or "actual."

A specific example can illustrate the relationship between potential and actual. A person who becomes seriously ill has a lower potential for fulfillment and happiness than if he or she were not ill at all. The illness, which he or she has no control over, has reduced or effectively constrained quality of life. Confronted with this circumstance, some people effectively struggle and persevere in making the most of the situation. Other people go into a tailspin and simply stop trying, feeling sorry for themselves or even remorseful. In both cases, the quality of life that was achievable before this sad turn of events is no longer realizable, but in the former instance, the individual is working very close to his potential; in other words, actual is close to potential. In the latter case, the person has, in essence, written life off, with actual considerably below potential. The bottom line is that in the face of life's realities and constraints, which each of us is subject to, individuals have the power within themselves to decide how they are going to react in order to cope with their unique situation.

Another important observation is an intrinsic relationship that exists between potential for and actual fulfillment and happiness. Potential provides a context for assessing actual, whereby the challenge is to bring actual as close to potential as possible. In so doing, we are not deluding ourselves into trying to accomplish more than is realistically achievable. On the other hand, we are striving to make the most of the situation regardless of the circumstances. That is the most that we can hope to do. Thus, we assess how well we are doing at two levels: first, trying to understand our potential by establishing a subjective, realistic measure of what our potential should be; and then considering our actual in the context of the potential-and what our actual can be. This gives us a sense of proportion and a gauge of how well we're doing under the circumstances.

The following chapters outline potential and actual accordingly.

Chapter Two

There are two primary gauges of fulfillment and happiness: What is your potential for fulfillment and happiness, and how does this contrast with how fulfilled and happy you actually are? Given your particular circumstances, at any given point in time your actual-your actual state of mind-reflects your innermost feelings. But are these feelings consistent with what an objective outside party would think if that individual had a thorough, in-depth understanding of your situation? In this regard, the term outside party refers to an insightful, informed observer whose perceptions could provide a basis for helping you to gauge your potential.

Consider an example of a wealthy traveler who is feeling miserable because she can't decide whether to vacation in London or Paris, knowing she'll have to forego the delights of Paris if she chooses London, and vice versa. This is appropriately described as the problems of the well to do. An objective outside party would likely say, "There's nothing to be upset about. We should all have such problems." In this hypothetical case, the potential of the traveler anticipating a wonderful time in London or Paris is high, while the actual is much lower because of fretting that whichever city she selects, the other city might afford an even more interesting and enjoyable time. We likely would concur that there is no real basis for feeling unfulfilled. The traveler is seemingly unappreciative of her situation, which would be easily resolved with a change in perspective; for example, she could flip a coin to decide which city to visit and move on from that point.

The Behavioral Framework

The behavioral framework provides a context for exploring behavior in relativistic terms-that is, how you are faring in life in relation to a Value System that we will construct composed of attributes that are significant to you. The attributes within the Value System reflect your unique outlook on life and together with measures associated with these attributes can serve as a benchmark or reference point, giving you ways to further enhance, if not maximize, your quality of life.

To reiterate, the potential for fulfillment and happiness (pfh or potential) is a guideline or measure of what is achievable under the circumstances that we find ourselves in. The potential is developed in conjunction with the Value System. This Value System provides a gauge of the opportunities we are afforded to enjoy life at any point in time, for better or for worse. The true or underlying state of mind of individuals, termed actual fulfillment and happiness (afh or actual) is then considered in the...