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The Problem with Being Perfect

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Contents

Introduction........................................................................................viiiChinese Family Reunion Dinners 101..................................................................1Two Waynes are Better than One......................................................................5A Tale of Forbidden Fruit...........................................................................8Birthdays a Case of Diminishing Returns.............................................................11The Bathrooms are Alive with the Sound of Music.....................................................13A Promise to Keep - A Letter To My Daughter.........................................................16Whatever Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger........................................................18Then There's the One About the Herd of Meatballs....................................................21For One Family, a Different Kind of Shell Game......................................................24One Man's Medicine is the Same Man's Embarassment...................................................27A Sweltering Problem Begs for a Cool Solution.......................................................30Like Comparing Apples to Puttymoo...................................................................33The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Asians.........................................................36Getting a Jump on the Competition, Unless You're Playing Checkers with Your Son.....................40Bless You, Yao Ming, Bless You......................................................................43An Unexpected Gift..................................................................................46A Belt-Free Vacation................................................................................49Time Marches On, Unless You Uninvite Yourself.......................................................52Working Out a Pointless Exercise....................................................................54The Benefits Of Being The Human Pretzel.............................................................57The United Federation of Asian Perfect-ness.........................................................59Anniversary of Diminishing Returns..................................................................61Apologies For a Twenty Five Year Old Wedgie.........................................................65A Meat and No Potatoes Kind of Guy..................................................................67A Massage to Die For................................................................................69The Britney and Beijing Accord......................................................................72Would You Like That With a Side of Grits or an Egg Roll?............................................74Inner Peace - Yes, Outer SilenceNo Way..............................................................76Coming Soon - Casa de Vietnam.......................................................................78Mother Nature Calls - for Gloves And Goggles........................................................81How Not To Become My Own Zipcode....................................................................85Bruce Lee or James Bond -That is the Question.......................................................88A General's Generational Tale.......................................................................90Watch Your Language; It May Save You (Asia Trip - Part One).........................................93Unaccustomed to Customs Checkpoints (Asia Trip - Part Two)..........................................95Learning the ABC's of Chinese - Minus the ABC's.....................................................97The Kitchen God and His Missing Dumplings...........................................................99Crouching Child, Bedeviled Parent...................................................................101Dressed to the Nines - or Maybe Just Four and a Half................................................104A Duck for the Ages.................................................................................106Eight Words of Wisdom...............................................................................108Eliminating the Gray Area...........................................................................111A Time for Reflection, Resolutions, and Calcium Supplements.........................................114English is Perfect - Know What I mean?..............................................................116Not a Cloud in the Sky - on Purpose.................................................................118A Bouncing Ball and a Bruised Ego...................................................................120Not the Best or Worst of Times - But Somewhere in the Middle........................................122A Picture Perfect Picture a Pain to Perfect.........................................................124A Picture is Worth a Thousand Edits.................................................................127A Tour Guide of the Mundane.........................................................................130Born Without a Funny Bone...........................................................................132Dazed and Confused in a Shopping Mall...............................................................135A Complex Simplicity................................................................................137The American Dream - Transplanted...................................................................139The Michael Jordan of Sons..........................................................................145The Dog Days of 2006................................................................................148Hogging Up All The Attention for Chinese New Year...................................................150The Year of the Adorable Rodent.....................................................................152From Noodles to Burgers & Back......................................................................154The Anti-Asian Stereotype Man.......................................................................157Turning Nothing Into a Political Career.............................................................159To Golf Or Not To Golf - That Is The Problem........................................................161Justice In The Name Of Purple.......................................................................164General Tso - Your Check is in the Mail.............................................................166Maybe We Could Create a Dessert Called TIR-AH-MAH-SU................................................168A Home of Good Fortune and Little Patience..........................................................170To Beard or not to Beard............................................................................172Fish, Fish, Where For Art Thou Fish?................................................................174No Crab, But a Barrel Full of Excuses...............................................................176Dental Work Via Hand Signals........................................................................179Yogurt Schmogurt - I'll Take Chocolate..............................................................181Blaming Parents for a Happy Childhood...............................................................183The Wild Kingdom - In My...