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THE CONDOMS ARE NEXT TO THE TOOTHPASTE

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Contents

Prologue....................................................................................................11. Introduction (The Condoms are Next to the Toothpaste)...................................................92. A Healthy Person is a Sexual Person (Are You Happy with Your Sex Education?)............................233. Importance of Defining Sexuality (Abstinence of What?)..................................................314. What Excites People (You Cannot be Forced to be Turned-on)..............................................375. Sex Doesn't Mean Intercourse (Oh, How Semantics Rule Statistics!).......................................456. Everyone Teaches Sexuality (But Do They Know What They are Teaching?)...................................537. Doctors and Nurses and Your Sexual Health (They Say Don't Worry About Sex ... Yet!).....................598. Why Are We Sexual? (Sex Doesn't Mean Love)..............................................................799. The Need to Understand Sexuality Values (Can You Really Tell Kids How to Behave?).......................8510. Let's Teach About Masturbation (Make Sex Play Respectable).............................................9711. Body Image (How You Look, How You Feel, and What You Can Do)............................................11312. It's Time Women Speak Up for Sex (Were Women Really Meant to Suffer?)..................................11913. Many Roads Lead to Orgasm (How Can that be a Perversion?)..............................................12514. The Subtleties of Sexism and Sex Roles (The Penis is a Large Clitoris).................................13315. Homosexuality Needs Understanding (Injustices Must be Protested by Us ALL).............................14316. Importance of Early Influences (You Seem so "Normal")..................................................16117. Abortion, Religion, and Law (My Baby Has No Brain!)....................................................17118. Sexual Pleasuring (Gee! Spot!).........................................................................17919. Sexuality and Culture (I'm No Prude, But ...)..........................................................18920. Adult-Child Sexual Relationships (Write the License Number in the Dirt)................................19521. Are You a Child or an Adult? (Some Research to Watch)..................................................19922. What My Students Want to Know (What is Gerbiling - Don't Answer That!).................................20523. Uncomfortable Gatekeepers (It's Not 1955 - Let's Hear it for Pleasure!)................................21724. Sexuality in the Later Years (Ahh, the Taste of Fine Wine).............................................23125. First Chinese-American Sexology Conference (Escorted by Men with Guns).................................23726. Conclusion (The Final Message: Talk about Sex).........................................................241Epilogue....................................................................................................247

Chapter One

I guess this book should start at the dinner table. If you looked through my family picture albums you would think that all the Young family ever did was eat and eat only turkey. That's because a) we always have turkey for the holidays and b) turkey is easy to cook for a crowd. And we ALWAYS took pictures on holidays at the dinner table. Anyway, I once cooked a Thanksgiving Day dinner for about 12 family members and friends. It was a group of men, women and children of all ages, from 13 to 87. Thanks to my mom, we all sat at the same table - no kids' table. Not really one table, but tables put together and disguised as one by draping table cloths. As is often the case at my dinner table, the subject of sex came up. My having taught sex during most of my adult life seems to give permission to folks within a three-foot radius of me to talk about, joke about, or question sex. This particular discussion was about AIDS and one of the parent-aged members made the statement, "What idiot doesn't know how to use a condom?"

"Well," said I, "it may not be that easy. Let me show you." Now, I just happened to have a plastic model penis in my closet. Later you will understand why I had a penis in my closet. I went into the bathroom and got a condom, pushed the dirty dishes aside, and began demonstrating the unwrapping of the condom. Some people continued eating their dessert while others stopped and held their forks midair with open mouths. At first, I placed the unrolled condom upside down on the head of the penis and tried to unroll it. Of course it wouldn't unroll. Try it, you'll see, it can't unroll.

"Now, do you know what happens in an actual situation? People are often in the dark (literally and figuratively) and sometimes in a hurry. Once they discover the condom won't unroll, they turn it around and place it on the penis again. Now look. The surface of the condom is contaminated with early cum which could be teaming with sperm and possible disease. When it's turned around, the cum is now on the top, the end that goes into the unsuspecting partner," I continued, "the condom is now lethal, it needs to be discarded!" I had to be dramatic because some don't realize that an excited penis "leaks" early fluid that contains possible germs and sperm - and you know what they can cause!

I continued, "If that isn't bad enough, think about what happens next when the man ejaculates. The penis immediately gets small. The condom can fall off, get stuck in the partner's body, and it can spill the semen. Whoever is using the condom must be instructed to grab the condom at the base of the penis during use. If this sounds difficult, that's because it is. It's not easy to intercourse while holding the condom. Once ejaculation occurs one must withdraw immediately away from the partner's body while still holding the condom. Very tricky. (Notice I used the word "body" and not "vagina" here. I never know who is doing what with whom and I certainly wouldn't want to assume that everyone is heterosexual. Penises go into many body parts and I don't want to eliminate anyone or any activity.) At this point everyone was most attentive. They began to ask questions. This is where I shine. In order to spare you who said what, I'll just summarize here so you get the gist.

If one wants to prevent the exchange of body fluids during a sexual encounter, the condom used correctly, is the best defense we have - but it isn't perfect! Misuse of a condom is responsible for many diseases and many unwanted pregnancies. I used to recommend spermicidal condoms for added AIDS protection. But it has been learned recently that condoms with spermicidal coating may not inhibit the spread of AIDS as well as plain condoms. This dinner happened about 15 years ago and I want to be sure you, my reader, are up-to-date.

There may have been a few embarrassed faces at the dinner table but no one was bored. All paid rapt attention, so I continued. "The mechanics of condom-use is just one aspect of disease and pregnancy prevention. Picture inexperienced first-timers." (And I was pretty sure there were some at the table.) "They have to first get hold of a condom. In order to do that, they have to admit to themselves that they plan...