Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Mary Clark, M.A., L.P.C. has been a therapist for nineteen years. She has run Anger Management Groups for ten years, and currently does individual counseling with those struggling with rage or with inability to express anger. Mary lives with her husband in Michigan, gratefully surrounded by her adult children and grandchildren.

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Managing My Anger

iUniverse, Inc.

Contents

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS..............................................................IXINTRODUCTION.................................................................XIHOW TO USE THIS BOOK.........................................................XIIIChoices......................................................................1Time-Outs....................................................................3Acceptance...................................................................5Protective Anger.............................................................7Symptoms Of An Anger Problem.................................................9Irritation...................................................................11Anger And Abuse..............................................................13Assumption...................................................................15Catastrophizing..............................................................17Blame........................................................................19Blaming Yourself.............................................................21Entitlement..................................................................23Filtering....................................................................25Control......................................................................27Attitude.....................................................................28Controlling..................................................................30Polarized Thinking...........................................................31Creating Resentments.........................................................33Resentments..................................................................35Grudges......................................................................37Guilt........................................................................39Fear.........................................................................41Emotional Blackmail..........................................................43Rage.........................................................................45Insanity.....................................................................47Triggers.....................................................................49Staying In The Moment........................................................51My Past......................................................................53Boundaries...................................................................55Balance......................................................................57More On Resentments..........................................................59H.A.L.T. To Change...........................................................60Anger-A Choice...............................................................62Chaos Vs Quiet..............................................................64Live And Let Live: Part One..................................................65Fatigue......................................................................67Humility.....................................................................69Healing Violence.............................................................71Change.......................................................................73Humor........................................................................75Empathy......................................................................77Resolving Resentment.........................................................79Keep It Simple...............................................................81Live And Let Live: Part Two..................................................82Healing My Past..............................................................84Passivity....................................................................86Gratitude....................................................................88Exhaustion...................................................................90Healing......................................................................92Peace Of Mind................................................................94Continuing To Continue.......................................................96A FINAL NOTE.................................................................99APPENDIX A: How To Do a Time-out.............................................101APPENDIX B: Relaxation Exercises.............................................103APPENDIX C: Other Exercises That Help........................................105APPENDIX D: Venting Exercises for Dangerous Anger Energy.....................107APPENDIX E: The Learning Letter..............................................109BIBLIOGRAPHY.................................................................111RESOURCES....................................................................113

Chapter One

Life does not give itself to one who tries to keep all its advantages at once. I have often thought morality may perhaps consist solely in the courage of making a choice. -Leon Blum

Some of us end up in a therapy office because we are court-ordered or family-mandated. That, alone, enrages us. We feel powerless. Whatever got us here was about control-either we tried to gain control, or someone took control of us. Either way, now a judge or a family member has total control of us (or so we feel). We feel our choices have been taken away. Or have they? Regardless of why you were sent to therapy-whether fair or unfair, whether you feel you have anger issues or not-you have choices.

You can resist going to therapy. No one can force you to go. This choice will result in going to jail. Even then, some courts will send you to therapy again. If a family member asked you to go, you may risk losing that relationship.

You can go to therapy and cop an attitude. You'll spend a lot of money and not gain anything. Possibly, you will be discharged due to being resistant to therapy. If court-ordered, you will probably receive a consequence for probation violation, and be sent to therapy again somewhere else. Family members may sever ties, or file a restraining order to protect themselves.

You can use therapy as a tool for change. In any violent altercation, you are either part of the problem or part of the solution. Therapy can teach you to avoid altercations in the future.

Oh, and you can leave the country ... but the therapy would probably be cheaper!

Meditation

I have choices today. Today I can choose to make full use of all learning opportunities, no matter what got me there in the first place.

Journal Suggestion: Start your journal entry each night this week with: "I am not perfect. One area I could use help changing would be _________________." Share your list of areas with your therapist or group. Share whether or not you think you could use your therapy to change these areas. If not, why?

Chapter Two

Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity. -Hippocrates

It is a fearful thing to fight with someone you love. It takes a lot of energy to back down, right or not,...