Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Tim Slaven and Geoff Yeagley both grew up in Rhode Island, where they attended college, bar activities, and employment, all at the same places, during the same time period. However, it wasn't until both relocated to a small town in Florida and began employment at one of the most rewarding, yet stressful jobs ever created, that they met for the first time.

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RATHER THAN WORK

By Tim Slaven Geoff Yeagley

Trafford Publishing

Copyright © 2009 Tim Slaven and Geoff Yeagley
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4269-1803-2

Chapter One

1 I would rather be strung up like a piata and smashed with baseball bats by angry children ... than go to work tomorrow.

2 I would rather pick up dog feces with my teeth ... than go to work tomorrow.

3 I would rather travel to Maine, jump on a fishing boat, and receive a circumcision by a 13lb lobster ... than go to work tomorrow.

4 I would rather clean the Detroit train station's urinals with my tongue ... than go to work tomorrow.

5 I would rather be used as the S.W.A.T. team training dummy during sharpshooter practice ... than go to work tomorrow.

6 I would rather steal Marty McFly's DeLorean, go back to 1985, and get repeatedly punched in the face by a 19yr old, brass knuckled Mike Tyson ... than go to work tomorrow.

7 I would rather be Michael Vick's new pet toy poodle ... than go to work tomorrow.

8 I would rather once again get back in McFly's DeLorean, go back in time to 1985, and receive 9 innings worth of pitches to my face from a 23yr old Roger Clemens ... than go to work tomorrow.

9 I would rather go bungee jumping with a broken rubber band ... than go to work tomorrow.

10 I would rather have Tiger Woods attempt to use my testicles in a long drive contest ... than go to work tomorrow.

11 I would rather wear a suit made out of chicken and jump into an alligator infested lake ... than go to work tomorrow.

12 I would rather eat 3 bowls of thumb tacks, open my mouth wide, and allow Wolverine to reach down my throat with his bladed right hand, slowly pulling them out one by one ... than go to work tomorrow.

13 I would rather wrap my entire body in fly paper, roll around in cocaine, and lock myself in a metal room with a blow torch and 33 crack addicts ... than go to work tomorrow.

14 I would rather floss my teeth with Bea Arthur's thong ... than go to work tomorrow.

15 I would rather my skull used as a baseball by Alex Rodriguez after a steroid binge ... than go to work tomorrow.

16 I would rather be massaged with bbq sauce by Hannibal Lecter ... than go to work tomorrow.

17 I would rather hang myself by my pubic hair from the top floor of the Empire State Building ... than go to work tomorrow.

18 I would rather receive a reach around from Freddy Krueger ... than go to work tomorrow.

19 I would rather do jumping jacks in a puddle, during a large scale thunderstorm, wearing copper underwear ... than go to work tomorrow.

20 I would rather have my nose pierced with an ice pick by Sharon Stone ... than go to work tomorrow.

21 I would rather go to Chili's and lay my face on a sizzling fajita skillet ... than go to work tomorrow.

22 I would rather use my face as a toilet bowl after an all you can eat burrito contest ... than go to work tomorrow.

23 I would rather glue my eyelids to an F-18 during takeoff from an aircraft carrier ... than go to work tomorrow.

24 I would rather remove my pants, velcro my hands behind my back, be suspended in mid-air, and allow Ultimate Fighter trainees to practice kicking and punching on my nut sack ... than go to work tomorrow.

25 I would rather be driven home by Lindsay Lohan after an all night bender ... than go to work tomorrow.

26 I would rather get kicked in the genitals by David Beckham ... than go to work tomorrow.

27 I would rather rub SuperGlue on my lips, and make out with the space shuttle as it's seconds away from lift-off, than go to work tomorrow.

28 I would rather have a sumo wrestler put on high heels and tap dance on my face than go to work tomorrow.

29 I would rather blindfold myself, take off all my clothes, and jump around in a bounce house full of rusty hatchets ... than go to work tomorrow.

30 I would rather be covered in bird seen and dropped in the middle of a cock fight ... than go to work tomorrow.

31 I would rather have root canal performed with a chain saw by Stevie Wonder ... than go to work tomorrow.

32 I would rather dress up like a seal, rub myself with dead fish, and go swimming with great white sharks ... than go to work tomorrow.

33 I would rather use a cheese grater to remove all my body hair ... than go to work tomorrow.

34 I would rather stand against a wall blindfolded, and have Helen Keller throw knives at me ... than go to work tomorrow.

35 I would rather cover myself in chocolate sauce, roll in powdered sugar, and walk through a treatment center for prader-willi syndrome ... than go to work tomorrow.

36 I would rather try to catch a window A/C unit dropped from the top floor of the Sears Tower ... than go to work tomorrow.

37 I would rather guess the first show's weights of The Biggest Loser contestants by having them stand barefoot on my face ... than go to work tomorrow.

38 I would rather use my face as a human dartboard ... than go to work tomorrow.

39 I would rather put my testicles in a Slap Chop and smash repeatedly ... than go to work tomorrow.

40 I would rather stand on the 3rd floor ledge of a building, swan dive into a full dumpster outside a Chinese fish market, and remain on the bottom until able to eat my way out ... than go to work tomorrow.

41 I would rather go hunting with Dick Cheney ... than go to work tomorrow.

42 I would rather be duct taped to a chair and forced to watch a Sex in the City marathon with a group of man hating women ... than go to work tomorrow.

43 I would rather place my tongue in an electrical outlet while standing in a pool of water ... than go to work tomorrow.

44 I would rather color in my pupils with liquid paper, and walk a dental floss sized tight rope over a water tank containing 500 sting rays and the Crocodile Hunter ... than go to work tomorrow.

45 I would rather prop my mouth open with a piece of wood and entice zoo monkeys to sling their fecal matter in my direction ... than go to work tomorrow.

46 I would rather be used as a mating dummy for humpback whales ... than go to work tomorrow.

47 I would rather go to Hawaii, rent a helicopter, and swan dive into an active volcano while doused in gasoline ... than go to work tomorrow.

48 I would rather grow more hair on my body than Chewbacca, then have it waxed off one inch at a time ... than go to work tomorrow.

49 I would rather sew my ass shut, go to Taco Bell, and eat spicy burrito's until I explode ... than go to work tomorrow.

50 I would rather challenge the contestants of the World's Strongest Man Competition to a game of dodgeball using claw hammers ... than go to work tomorrow.

51 I would rather drink a bottle of Nyquil and fall asleep on a fire ant mound ... than go to work tomorrow.

52 I would rather glue magnets to myself, throw Leonardo Diccaprio overboard, and stick myself to the front of the Titanic in the king of the world pose as an iceberg sets course for my testicles ... than go to work tomorrow.

53 I would rather play paddy cake with Edward Scissorhands ... than go to work tomorrow.

54 I would rather take Lance Armstrong's spandex immediately following the Tour de France, wring them out into a plastic cup, and sip as if a fine martini ... than go to work tomorrow.

55 I would rather give myself a quick dry cement enema ... than go to work tomorrow.

56 I would rather be locked in a room with nothing but an electric knife, a freezer, and Jeffrey Dahmer ... than go to work tomorrow.

57 I would rather shove magnets up my ass, and casually stroll through a knife shop ... than go to work tomorrow.

58 I would rather be...