Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

John Eldredge is a bestselling author, a counselor, and a teacher. He is also president of Wild at Heart, a ministry devoted to helping people discover the heart of God, recover their own hearts in God's love, and learn to live in God's kingdom. John and his wife, Stasi, live in Colorado Springs, Colorado.

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Fathered by God PARTICIPANT'S GUIDE

Thomas Nelson

Contents

Introduction.............................................5Session 1: The Masculine Journey.........................11Session 2: Boyhood.......................................27Session 3: Cowboy........................................39Session 4: Warrior.......................................53Session 5: Lover.........................................67Session 6: King..........................................79Session 7: Sage..........................................91Session 8: Let Us Be Intentional.........................103A Note from the Author...................................119Appendix: A Daily Prayer for Freedom.....................121Notes....................................................125

Chapter One

The Masculine Journey

Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls. - Jeremiah 6:16

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. - 1 Corinthians 13:11

The world in which we live has lost something vital, something core to understanding life and a man's place in it. For the time in which we live is a fatherless time. I mean this in two ways. First, most men and most boys have no real relationship with their earthly fathers, so they have no one to guide them through the jungles of the masculine journey. They are-most of us are-unfinished and unfathered men. Or boys. Or boys in men's bodies.

Our way of looking at the world has changed. We no longer live, either as a society or even as the church, with a father-view of the world, a view centered on the presence of a loving and strong father deeply engaged in our lives, to whom we can turn at any time for the guidance, comfort, and provision we need. But this is actually an occasion for hope! Because the life you've known as a man is not all there is. There is another way, a path laid down for centuries by men who have gone before us. A marked trail. And there is a Father ready to show us that path and help us follow it.

DISCUSS

I started the video session talking about trying to repair my '78 Land Cruiser. And in the introduction to this guide, I told the story of looking on the Internet to figure out how to solder the copper pipes for my sprinkler system.

* Describe a time when you've felt foolish or as though you were "less of a man."

* What about this session on the masculine journey stands out tot you? What do you find yourself reacting to most strongly?

A boy doesn't become a man simply because he gets older. Becoming a man is a process. A boy has a lot to learn in his journey to become a man, and he becomes a man only through the active intervention of his father and the fellowship of men. He needs someone to show him how to throw a fastball, call a girl, and land the job.

* Do these realities stir up in you ...

Hopelessness?-"I never had that ... I'll never be the man I want to be," or, "There's no one who can guide me."

Pride/Arrogance?-"I'm a self-made man who made it because I didn't need anyone else."

Impatience?-"Journey? Process? Not interested. I'm looking for something quicker."

Yes!-"A map and a compass. Thank God!"

Most of us fake masculine strength. We present ourselves to the world as having an external masculinity that, internally, we know we don't. Our journey involves coming to the point of admitting that we are unfinished men who need fathering.

* Where are you on the continuum of seeing yourself as an unfinished man?

* Say a little more about why you chose that point on the continuum.

* Where are you on the continuum of acknowledging you can't dot this yourself, that you need someone to guide you?

* Say a little more about why you chose that point on the continuum.

We aren't meant to figure life out on our own. God comes to us as Father. The primary way he presents himself in Scripture is as Father. The truth is, he has been fathering us for a long time-we just haven't had the eyes to see it.

* What's your internal reaction to the thought that God wants tot father you?

* Have you experienced God as a Father? If yes, describe the situation or event.

Most of what God has been trying to do in my life is to come to me as a Father and initiate me. And most of what I've viewed as hassle, trial, or abandonment has actually been occasions where God was either trying to surface an unfathered place in my heart or take me through an experience to provide the fathering I need.

* Do any of the following statements describe the way you view the hassles, disappointing people, and challenges of life?

"I'm just an idiot."

"God has abandoned me."

"God is surfacing areas he wants to father me in."

Or maybe something else: " _________________________."

* What is God currently doing to "initiate" you?

CLOSING THOUGHTS AND PRAYER Press play on your DVD player. The remaining portion of the video will lead you through a few final thoughts and a prayer.

GOING DEEPER

If you're truly wanting to embrace the untamed journey Christ has planned for you, you won't be satisfied thinking about this just once a week. This section is designed for you to study the topic further on your own after your group meets. So make some time throughout the week (on your lunch break, instead of watching TV at night, or in the early morning) to read through these questions and consider what God's saying to you here.

* * *

The first discussion time can begin slowly and feel awkward. You can be vulnerable and honest with one another, which is initially uncomfortable but ultimately rewarding. Or you fake it, hide, or pose, and who wants to live that life?

* How did the group conversation and interaction go this week? Did you find yourself reluctant to share your thoughts? Did you temper them or regret saying too much? * What did God impress you with or say to you as you were meeting with the men? * As a boy or a young man, where did you look for your definition or understanding of masculinity? * How about now?

Life will test you, my brothers. Like a ship at sea, you will be tested, and the storms will reveal the weak places in you as a man. They already have. How else do you account for the anger you feel, the fear, the vulnerability to certain temptations? Why can't you marry the girl? Having married, why can't you handle her emotions? Why haven't you found your life's mission? Why do financial crises send you into a rage or depression? You know what I speak of. And so our basic approach to life comes down to this: we stay in what we can handle, and steer clear of everything else. We engage where we feel we can or we must-as at work-and we hold back where we feel sure to fail,...