Day One

The Plan For A Harmonious Marriage

If this driveway could speak, it would tell of the day Tim and Renee stood at the top of the winding pavement and said good-bye to each other. Tim helped lift the last of Renee's bags into her car as tears streamed down their faces.

They'd been married for less than a year. Their fairy-tale wedding had been the talk of the town. Guests at the posh Beverly Hills reception spent the evening toasting the dashing groom and his young bride in a ballroom that had seen its share of weddings come and go. And nearly as fast as the ceremony, in the blink of an eye, the marriage was over. Kaput.

Tim and Renee had both determined the marriage wasn't worth all the arguing, fighting, and distrust that had resulted from their actions. They'd gone against the advice of friends and family in deciding to be married, and shortly after the ceremony they concluded everyone else was right.

The wedding had been beautiful. The marriage, not so much.

The Newlywed Myth

I don't know of one couple who married hoping they would one day divorce. Do you?

Yet we've heard for decades that the divorce rate in the United States is approximately 50 percent. And although that number has been disputed for just about as long as it's been stated, what we know is roughly one out of every two couples who pledge, "For better or worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health," don't keep that vow to each other.

What most people don't realize is that the highest percentage of marriages that dissolve end within the first five years. Worldwide, divorces peak in the fourth year.

As it turns out, the so-called newlywed years are a total farce. Couples are told the first years will be the easiest, so they go into marriage with that expectation in mind. And when difficulties come much earlier than anticipated, many think, If these are the easy years, then I'm not sticking around for the tough ones! They don't stop to consider that the coming together of two hearts, two souls, and two independent spirits is a lifelong work, not something to be completed in a matter of months.

Two people fell in love based on their similarities, only to determine later that their differences were insurmountable. If only they knew, while repeating their vows, that sometimes the "worse" happens before the "better." In fact, for married couples who make it through their first four years, the divorce rate begins to decrease after their five-year anniversary and then dips significantly after the tenth year of marriage.

Marriage is risky business, but the rewards are worth the risk. In 1870, in a letter to Queen Victoria's fourth daughter upon the announcement of her engagement, British prime minister Benjamin Disraeli wrote, "There is no greater risk than matrimony. But there is nothing happier than a happy marriage."

Disraeli pinpointed why we continue to place bets on this horse that seems to only have a fifty-fifty chance of winning. We hope to fall on the side of marriages that are a good investment and, with maturity and growth, reap favorable returns.

At the heart of it all, we are dreamers. Even the most pessimistic or pragmatic person will probably concede that it takes some level of faith and an ability to dream to believe in a romance and love that can last a lifetime. Yet marriages like that begin each and every day, and many of them last fifty, sixty, or even seventy glorious years, ending not through divorce but through the passing of a spouse.

Why did You Choose Your Spouse?

For the past eleven years, I've had the great pleasure of being a part of something that is rarely seen on television, in the movies, or in the media overall: a happy marriage. I pinch myself daily that I wake up next to my favorite person on earth. Truly. And since founding an online club for married women in 2010, I've had the fortune of interacting with millions of women who feel the same way I do about their spouses.

Whatever caused you to fall in love and say "I do" is probably what also motivated you to read this book. You and I still believe in the power of love and the joy and peace marriage has to offer if we'll just put in the effort to make it great.

Some of you might say, "But you don't know my spouse. Maybe your husband is not as frustrating as mine." I will tell you the same thing my mother used to tell women who complained to her about their mates: "I don't know your husband, and he may be as irrational as you claim. But what I do know is you had a choice. And you chose him."

What made you choose your spouse? Out of the seven billion people in the world, what was so special about him or her that caused you to forsake all others? Let's begin here. And for two minutes, let's pause here. I urge you to think about this question as you begin this challenge, as it will guide you to a more fulfilling journey.

Unfortunately, many people have chosen a poor mate. That is indeed a challenge. But there is hope. If your spouse is willing to take this twenty-eight-day challenge with you and is not abusive physically or emotionally (see my note about this in the introduction), I believe by the end of day twenty-eight, your relationship will be stronger, more loving, and harmonious.

The Road To Divorce is Paved with Arguments

If you've ever been around a couple contemplating divorce, you probably know three of the top reasons cited for dissolutions: poor communication, growing apart, and stress caused by financial difficulties. Narrowing down the top reasons for divorce statistically yields some interesting results. For...