MEET WORRY AND WONDER

Inside our minds there is a nasty little voice, a saboteur, a censor, and an eternal critic who creates a constant stream of scathing remarks that are usually disguised as The Truth. I call this voice Worry.

Worry says things like:

Who the hell are you to do this?

You're not actually going to say that, right?

Nope. Not you. Not ever. Not enough.

Look at them: they're better than you.

You suck. You suck. You suck.

You get the picture.

It took me a long while to realize that Worry's voice is not the truth, and is in fact so very far from the truth, that when listened to, will only take us further and further away from accessing and expressing the real truth that resides inside.

I finally stopped taking Worry so damn seriously when I learned to see it for what it is: a blocking device. A mechanism in our brains that's designed to keep us from doing anything too risky or too uncomfortable (aka things that are glorious and meaningful and worthwhile and life-altering). It was underneath my long and tedious tales of unworthiness, not-enoughness, perfectionism, shame, and who I thought I was "supposed to be" that I discovered another voice. A much more kind, compassionate, and curious one. One that wants us to do well, be seen, and pursue that which we most desire. One that knows with all of its knowing our truest truth. That voice is Wonder.

Wonder knows what we're capable of, and is committed to nudging us closer and closer to who we were before the world told us who to be. Wonder supports us in deciphering between the disempowering stories we inherited and made up, and the stories that strike the chord of resonance from within.

When Worry says, Who the hell are you to do that?, Wonder chimes in to say, If not you, then who?

When Worry is on its high horse, declaring, You're not actually going to say that, right?, Wonder will ever so clearly state, You are here to speak your truth. Today. Tomorrow. Always. Is what you want to say a reflection of your truth?

And when Worry is inclined to keep the same soundtrack of judgment and fear and anxiety playing over and over and over again, Wonder will name the worry to tame it by saying, Hey judgment, I see you. Hey fear, I see you. Hey anxiety, I see you. I get that you're trying to keep us safe here, and I respect that. But we're on an important adventure, and you are forbidden from navigating.

Worry and Wonder are perpetually pointing us away from or toward who we truly are and what we're here to give. In every moment of every day, we get to choose whom we listen to: Worry or Wonder.

Which will you choose?

Whenever I share this invitation with people, there is a resounding call for Wonder.

As important as it is to listen to Wonder, it can be useful to honor Worry, too. Why? Because not all Worry is destructive.

NOT ALL WORRY IS DESTRUCTIVE. IT CAN BE USEFUL.

Last year, when I finished a talk about Worry and Wonder, a woman approached me near the stage and said, "My dad always told me that ninety percent of what I worried about wouldn't happen. I told him that's because I worried about it and figured out a solution."

We both laughed.

And therein lies an important point: Not all Worry is destructive. Worry can be useful. Sometimes.

Our Worry voice can express itself in two ways: as toxic worry or as useful worry.

Toxic worry is the relentless, looping thoughts that paralyze and prevent you from taking action or moving forward. It's the gripping rumination on the past and anxiety about the future — a habit that Stanford neurosurgeon Dr. James Doty said we spend nearly 80 percent of our time and attention on.

Useful worry is the foresight to imagine setbacks and challenges, make a plan, and take action. Worry is useful only when it's within our control and empowers us to act. So when our Worry voice chimes in, we can ask two questions:

1. Is this a real possibility?

2. Is there any productive action I can take right now?

When it's not a real possibility and there aren't productive steps to take, we know we're triggering what neuroscientists call the "threat detection system" in our brain. Thanks to evolution, worry and fear have been wired in our systems for millions of years as a mechanism to keep us safe. To some extent, we need it. Without it, your ancestors would have been eaten by saber-toothed tigers. You would jump off an outrageously high cliff just to see if you could make the landing. You would enter into a business partnership with someone who stated from the outset, "I'm entering into this arrangement with the intention of using you and taking your money." You would fall in love with someone who said, "I have no desire of ever committing to you."

Worry prevents us from actual threats to our survival, like the ones I've listed above. But when it comes to pursuing what's meaningful to us, those desires typically come along with some level of uncertainty and unknown, which our brains label as "dangerous." That's when Worry starts screaming for safety, and we're inclined to shut down, avoid new experiences, seek...