American Wit and Humor; Choice Selections from the Boundless Humor of America's Favorite Humorists, George W. Peck, Bill Nye, M. Quad - Softcover

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This historic book may have numerous typos and missing text. Purchasers can download a free scanned copy of the original book (without typos) from the publisher. Not indexed. Not illustrated. 1895. Excerpt: ... eating breakfast while others were splitting kindlings for night. Some men would be starting out for a day's fishing while others were going home to get ready to attend one of Bob Infidel's lectures. Luckily for the world, time had been invented, patented, and divided up to suit everybody but a man with a bank note to meet. He believed it was of the greatest importance that every man should be on time. Fortunes had been lost by people being two or three minutes late. Kingdoms had been won by men who were on time. The Colonel held that even a murderer going to the gallows should step right off and be on the drop at the right tick. His promptness might not bring a reprieve, but it could not fall of exciting the admiration of those accustomed to having dinner at 12:30. When the Colonel concluded his remarks, Samuel Shin presented him with a spring bouquet on behalf of the Club, and a resolution was passed to escort him to the depot in a body. GUESS NOT. The Secretary reported the following inquiry from the office of Secretary of State of New Jersey: "Are the barriers of American liberty being gradually demolished?" The question being open for discussion, Trustee Pullback said he couldn't see any signs of such calamity. When an American could open a grocery in one end of a building, a saloon in the other, and a poker room up stairs, it didn't look as if American liberty was in very great danger. Samuel Shin said he had carefully studied the subject of the barriers of liberty for many years past, and he had of late come to the conclusion that as long as a red-faced young man could blow a brass horn all the evening next door to where a child lay dying, the barriers were a!l right and sound as a dollar. Giveadam Jones observed that he had also kept his eye peele...

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