Background and Basics

Why Bondage?

Every person I have ever met who does rope bondage as a Rigger/Artist/Top (the person who does the tying) or as a Submissive/Bottom/Model (the person being tied) has a slightly different reason for doing bondage.

A few of those reasons include:

• Restraint

• Meditation

• Inability to escape

• Trance

• Art

• Novelty

• Fetish for rope

• A partner's desire

• Sensuality

• Being silly/playful

• Trust

• Power exchange

• Ritual

• Masturbation

• Consensual torment

• Struggling

• Sex

• Sensation

• Sadism/Masochism

• Exhibitionism/Voyeurism

• Part of role-playing

You're not into pain? You can still enjoy bondage. You want to do bondage because you think it's pretty? Fantastic. Is rope bondage a part of your sex life but you don't consider yourself "kinky?" So be it! Being authentic is sexy!

What if you want to experience intense sensations? What if you want to use bondage as part of your spiritual life or to show off your skills in public?

Then do it. Everyone has the right to play with rope!

Safety and Negotiation

Find out what your partner is into

Some folks desire to be tied up because they want to experience intense sensation and pain. Others are interested in doing bondage because it's pretty and they enjoy sensuality. These two folks, if they want to play together, need to negotiate their interests. In fact, it's a great idea for everyone to negotiate!

Find out what your partner is into. Find out what he is not into. Find out if she has limits you need to discuss (some folks don't do sex and bondage, some don't do gags, some don't like to have a submissive role, some want to tie themselves up while you watch ... this is a chance to talk about it). Even if their desires are not identical to yours, that is okay. Both partners can take turns having their desires met, or combine their passions into a single scene. Seeing your partner glow can also lead to you feeling your own joy, even if their specific desires are not what you are into.

There are lots of ways to negotiate: tantalizing notes back and forth over email before getting together, formal questionnaires, cuddling up and whispering naughty ideas to each other, or sharing images found online. Find and follow your own personal style for negotiation while remembering that the bulk of communication is non-verbal. "Listen" to what your partner is sharing beyond their words.

Negotiation is not a one-time opportunity to learn about your partner's passions. Each time after you play, you both have the opportunity to debrief with one another about what you enjoyed and what you realized you are not interested in. Continuing the conversation around interest and desire helps the next time be even better.

The continuing conversation around what each of you are into needs to happen internally as well. By playing with rope, you will likely learn what turns you on, and what you want to do more of. Just because you started your interest in rope bondage because it was beautiful does not mean that you won't delight in bondage where you get a chance to connect with a partner, or have your rope-work involve an element of intense sensations. Enjoying these sensations is sometimes referred to by kinky people as sadism and masochism, but should not be confused with the clinical concepts. Kinky masochists and sadists usually want intense emotion and sensation, not to truly cause or receive harm.

Talk about health issues

There are a variety of health challenges that can come into play with rope bondage. Go over them with your partner, and discuss any other possible issues that might be specific to your reality as well. Examples include:

• Allergies (from the grass fibers of hemp rope, to laundry soaps, etc.)

• Asthma

• Diabetes

• Epilepsy or other seizure disorders

• Circulatory or heart problems

• Joint challenges

• Past injuries

• Emotional issues (trauma involving confinement or other triggers)

If any of the above are part of your life, it doesn't mean you can't do rope bondage. It just means be careful. If she has an allergy to hemp, use nylon. If he can't have his hands behind his back because of a torn rotator cuff, tie his hands in front of him or at his sides. If they can't be hogtied because of a bad back, try tying them spread-eagle to a bed. Be creative, work through challenges that may arise, have food nearby for diabetic folks, and have medication nearby for those who need it. Don't let health issues stop you from having fun if you can work around them safely.

These questions apply to Tops (the person doing the binding) just as well as Bottoms (the person being bound). Does your rope Top have health issues you should be aware of? You should also each ask yourselves, "Am I emotionally and energetically okay today?" If either of you is mad, upset, deeply depressed, intoxicated, sleep-deprived, or just in a bad mood, this may not be the time to tie someone up or be tied up.

Remember that issues can arise unexpectedly, such as a hip hurting, or breathing becoming restricted. Thus, keeping a watch on your partner is important. This is why doing bondage alone, or leaving the room while a partner is bound, is inappropriate. If something were to come up health-wise, someone else needs to be there to help get them out of the tie.

Places to tie/not to tie

Good ideas: Major muscle groups, torso, forearm, lower leg, thigh

Decent ideas: Back of neck, hands, feet, upper arm (watching out for pressure on nerve bundles), between the legs, around the waist

Bad ideas: Front of neck (choking danger), directly on joints (apply wrist and ankle ties just above the joint)

Be aware that each person's body is slightly different, and as a Bottom, you will come to learn your own body and how it interacts with bondage. If something is tingling, pinching, digging in, hurting or just feels "off" — trust your instincts. Your body awareness is one of the important pieces you bring to a bondage scene, and developing that skill is important.

Tops, this does not negate your responsibility. Checking in with your partner, avoiding body zones that you know are potential health risks, and staying alert and aware during a scene can help keep you and your partner safe. Restraint may look simple and sexy, but simple issues can become big ones, so stay alert. Staying attentive and attuned to your partner also gives you a chance to connect on a deeper emotional level.

Be prepared!

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