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When Violence Begins at Home

Hunter House Inc., Publishers

Contents

Quick Contents..........................................................................................................................................................ixForeword by Del Martin..................................................................................................................................................xPreface by Debbie Tucker................................................................................................................................................xviiAcknowledgments.........................................................................................................................................................xxivIntroduction............................................................................................................................................................11 The Dynamics of Abusive Relationships.................................................................................................................................62 The Effects of Family Violence on Children............................................................................................................................323 Teen Dating Violence..................................................................................................................................................464 The Intimate Relationship Between Substance Abuse and Domestic Violence...............................................................................................685 Battered Women and the Legal System...................................................................................................................................826 Living Underground....................................................................................................................................................1037 The Oppression That Binds: Barriers to Living Violence Free...........................................................................................................1208 For Friends, Family, and Loved Ones: When Someone You Know Is Being Hurt..............................................................................................1529 Domestic Violence and the Workplace...................................................................................................................................16410 Battered Women's Health: The Response of the Medical Community.......................................................................................................18211 Battered Women and Communities of Faith..............................................................................................................................20112 Domestic Violence and the Military...................................................................................................................................21813 Creating a Community Response to Domestic Violence...................................................................................................................23414 Intervention Strategies for Battered Women and Their Children........................................................................................................24915 Advocacy and Empowerment for Battered Women..........................................................................................................................25916 Intervention and Prevention Programs for Batterers...................................................................................................................27917 Loving Ourselves: Self-Care for Helpers..............................................................................................................................28918 The National Domestic Violence Hotline...............................................................................................................................305Conclusion..............................................................................................................................................................311Appendix I: A History of Violence Against Women.........................................................................................................................312Appendix II: A Personalized Safety Plan.................................................................................................................................347Appendix III: Diagrama de Igualdad y Diagrama del Poder y Control (Spanish-language versions of the Equality Wheel and the Power and Control Wheel).....................356Notes...................................................................................................................................................................358Resources...............................................................................................................................................................401Index...................................................................................................................................................................437

Chapter One

Family violence is a simple phrase, but it encompasses a horrifying list of abusive behaviors, both physical and psychological, inflicted by one family member on another.... The list is endless. There is seemingly no end to the horrors some human beings can inflict on those whom this society calls their "loved ones." - The American Medical News, January 6, 1992

Martha was twenty-seven when she met Phillip. The manager of a small business in a rural community, Martha was also attending night classes to complete a graduate degree. Phillip was self-employed and was well known in the community. He was handsome, charming, and witty. Unfortunately (as Martha saw it) he was also married. Three years passed and Phillip got a divorce. During that time Phillip had spent a lot of time around Martha's place of business. He would drop by to see the owner of the company and inevitably end up in Martha's office. When Martha learned of his divorce, she was secretly pleased. Here was her opportunity to go out with the man she was so drawn to. When Phillip asked her to lunch, she didn't hesitate.

They immediately began to see each other every day. Martha was so thrilled with all the attention that she didn't notice Phillip's irritation when she occasionally turned down lunch dates with him to meet her girlfriends. The first few months of their relationship were exciting and romantic. Phillip showered her with gifts and affection. Soon, however, Martha began to feel smothered by Phillip's constant demands on her time and attention. When Martha told Phillip she could no longer see him, he was furious and vowed to win her back. Then began a flood of flowers, gifts, telephone calls, and letters. Martha stood firm in her decision for a while but eventually began to miss Phillip. She finally agreed to see him again.

Shortly after their reunion Phillip moved in with Martha, and his attempts to control her escalated. He began telling her what he considered appropriate dress. He encouraged her to gain weight because he liked women with "meat on their bones," and then he made fun of her because her clothes were...