Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

ROBERT McGEE is a professional counselor and lecturer who has helped many to experience the love and acceptance of Jesus Christ. McGee is also the founder of Rapha, a nationally recognized health care organization that provides in-hospital and outpatient care with a Christ-centered perspective for adults and adolescents suffering with psychiatric and substance abuse problems. He is currently the President of Search Resources.

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THE SEARCH FOR SIGNIFICANCE

Thomas Nelson

Contents

Acknowledgments.................................................viiIntroduction....................................................ix1. The Light Comes On...........................................12. The Origin of the Search.....................................13Introduction: Chapters 3-10.....................................253. The Performance Trap.........................................294. God's Answer: Justification..................................415. Approval Addict..............................................536. God's Answer: Reconciliation.................................637. The Blame Game...............................................758. God's Answer: Propitiation...................................879. Shame........................................................9510. God's Answer: Regeneration..................................10511. Agent of Change.............................................11512. Guilt versus Conviction.....................................13113. The Trip In.................................................141Introduction....................................................155Section I: BackgroundStep 1 The Light Comes On.......................................159Step 2 The Origin of the Search.................................167Section II: Satan's Lies versus God's TruthStep 3 The Performance Trap.....................................187Step 4 God's Answer: Justification..............................197Step 5 Approval Addict..........................................207Step 6 God's Answer: Reconciliation.............................219Step 7 The Blame Game...........................................229Step 8 God's Answer: Propitiation...............................239Step 9 Shame....................................................259Step 10 God's Answer: Regeneration..............................267Section III: ApplicationStep 11 Agent of Change.........................................279Step 12 Guilt versus Conviction.................................299Step 13 The Trip In.............................................303Notes...........................................................339Services Provided by Search Resources...........................340Special Website.................................................341

Chapter One

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

(PS. 139:23-24 NIV)

Dave was a handsome, highly successful businessman. He had always been able to live life on his own terms. To Dave, being strong meant being in control. He had a way of controlling his wife and intimidating his children to keep them from being much of a bother to him.

It wasn't that he didn't know how he affected his wife and children. It wasn't even that he didn't notice how isolated and alone he really was. He had just concluded that this was simply how he was and everyone would just have to tolerate him.

But now he wept like a small child. Life had caught up with Dave. Gone were his wife, his children, and much of everything he had worked so hard for. He just repeated over and over again how he would be different if only he could have another chance. Reality had turned on the light in Dave's dark world, and he realized that the worst part of his world was himself. He just couldn't believe that he had been so wrong for so long.

Hopefully, we won't find ourselves in Dave's situation with all its consequences. However, if we are honest with ourselves, from time to time, we find the light being turned on in our world, and we are amazed (and sometimes embarrassed) at what we see. It isn't that we don't know that certain things are not right. We just don't realize how destructive these things are until the light comes on.

Many of us are hurt emotionally, relationally, and spiritually, but because we are unaware of the extent of our wounds, we don't take steps toward healing and health. Our problem is not stupidity but a lack of objectivity. Because of this, we fail to see the reality of pain, hurt, and anger in our lives.

A college student is considered "the life of the party." She is intelligent, witty, and sociable, but when she is alone, she experiences deep loneliness and seething resentment.

A businessman who, as a child, was neglected by his ambitious father thinks, If I can just get that promotion, then I'll be happy. Success is what really counts in life! He gets many promotions and raises because he is driven to perform well, but happiness continues to elude him.

A housewife with three children painfully wonders, Why don't I feel close to my husband? Having grown up with an alcoholic father and a demanding mother, this woman has never felt lovable and therefore isn't able to receive her husband's love.

An articulate pastor speaks powerfully about the unconditional love and grace of God, yet he is plagued by guilt. He is driven to succeed in his public ministry but is passive and withdrawn around his family. He has never understood how to apply his own teaching to his life and relationships.

Why do some of us lack objectivity? Why can't we see the reality in our lives? Why are we afraid to turn on the light? There are a number of answers to these questions, and they vary for each person. Perhaps we feel that our situations are "normal," that experiencing loneliness, hurt, and anger is really all there is to life. Perhaps we want to be "good" Christians, and believing that good Christians don't have problems or feelings like ours, we deny the existence of our emotions. Perhaps our lack of objectivity is a learned response from childhood. All of us desperately want our parents to be loving and supportive. If ours aren't (or weren't), we may protect our concept of them by blaming ourselves for their lack of love, and we may deny that we have been hurt by their behavior.

We all develop elaborate defense mechanisms to block pain and gain significance. We suppress emotions; we are compulsive perfectionists; we drive ourselves to succeed, or we withdraw and become passive; we attack people who hurt us; we punish ourselves when we fail; we try to say clever things to be accepted; we help people so that we will be appreciated; and we say and do countless other things.

A sense of need usually propels us to look for an alternative. We may have the courage to examine ourselves and may desperately want to change but may be unsure of how and where to start. We may refuse to look honestly within for fear of what we'll find, or we may be afraid that even if we can discover what's wrong, nothing can help us.

It is difficult-if not impossible-to turn on the light of objectivity by ourselves. We need guidance from the Holy Spirit and usually the honesty, love, and encouragement of at least one other person who is willing to help us. Even then, we may become depressed as we begin to discover the effects of our wounds. Some of us have deep emotional and spiritual scars resulting from the neglect, abuse, and manipulation that often accompany living in a dysfunctional family (alcoholism, drug abuse, divorce, absent father or mother, excessive anger, verbal and/or physical abuse, and so on), but all of us bear the effects of our own sinful nature and the...