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Dr. Tim Kimmel is one of America’s top advocates speaking for the family. He is the Executive Director of the non-profit ministry Family Matters, whose goal is to build great family relationships by educating, equipping and encouraging parents for every age and stage of life. Tim conducts conferences across the country on the unique pressures that confront today’s families. He has authored many books including: Little House on the Freeway (selling over 700,000 copies; Multnomah) and the Gold Medallion winning bestseller Grace Based Parenting (100,000 copies; Thomas Nelson). He lives with his family in Scottsdale, Arizona.

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RAISING KIDS FOR TRUE GREATNESS

W Publishing Group

Contents

Acknowledgments...............................................................viiIntroduction: Why Success Isn't Enough........................................ix1. The Long and Winding Road to Greatness.....................................12. Fine-Tuning Our Idea of Greatness..........................................113. The Success Illusion.......................................................274. The Paradox of True Greatness..............................................475. Release the Secret Weapon..................................................676. Living Large by Thinking Big...............................................877. Helping Your Children Choose a Great Master in Life........................1118. Helping Your Children Choose a Great Mate for Life.........................1339. Helping Your Children Choose a Great Mission in Life.......................15710. Helping Your Children Sustain a Great Mission in Life.....................177A Final Thought: The Taste of True Greatness..................................197Study Guide: Let's Talk About Greatness.......................................203Notes.........................................................................221

Chapter One

Many parents are so busy preparing their children for success that they miss the chance to equip them to do something truly extraordinary. Somewhere along the way, they've taken a wrong turn in their thinking and are pointing their children toward misdirected goals.

According to most parents, a child's success starts with a good education. So they become preoccupied with their child's grades, class placement, cumulative GPA, and SAT scores. They make this a high priority-for many, the highest-because they think that a good education is the best way for their children to obtain a prestigious career-another way of saying, a job that pays well.

Why do parents want their children to make a lot of money? So they can live in attractive homes in a safe part of town and have an enviable lifestyle. And while they're at it, maybe their respectable jobs will help them find spouses who look good in the Christmas pictures, and then they can bring home lots of cute grandchildren for Grandma and Grandpa to enjoy.

If all goes according to plan, these parents reason, their children will achieve the kind of success that enables them to enjoy an adult life of comfort and endless personal opportunities.

Well paid, well supplied, well known, and well received-these are the standard characteristics of a successful life. Parents whose children achieve these goals often experience an overwhelming sense of relief: "I did it. I handed my kids a powerful gift. I helped them achieve success."

God Has Bigger and Better Plans for Our Kids

Question: where in the Bible does it say that we are supposed to aim our kids at these priorities for success? If anything, these run counter to what the Bible encourages us to pursue. Wealth, fame, and comfort can be nice additions that our children might gain by default on their way to a great life. But we find ourselves on biblical thin ice if we make them the targets at which we are aiming our kids.

Jesus weighed in on this subject, and His observation might surprise you. Here's what He had to say about what it means to be truly great:

You know that the rulers of the non-Jewish people love to show their power over the people. And their important leaders love to use all their authority. But it should not be that way among you. Whoever wants to become great among you must serve the rest of you like a servant. Whoever wants to become first among you must serve the rest of you like a slave. In the same way, the Son of Man did not come to be served. He came to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many people. (Matthew 20:25-28 NCV, emphasis added)

According to Jesus, if we want our kids to be truly great, we must first teach them to be servants. But let's face it: most parents aren't raising their children to serve others; they're raising their kids to be served by others. Their success mantra rings hollow: "Be first! Own the best! Be the boss! Don't let anyone get in your way! It's all compare, compete, and control!"

But this materialistic view of success finds no home in the heart of God. God has much bigger and better plans for our children than merely indulging them. He has called our children to a much higher set of goals than what this world has to offer.

God's goals for our children often run counter to the default mode of the human heart-especially a heart that has built its hope on the Carpenter from Galilee. That's why God has put parents into the equation. We offer the best means to help our children make true greatness the ultimate goal of their lives.

Parenting on Purpose

I can think of three compelling reasons to avoid the trap of aiming your kids toward a life of success.

First, they never get to have the significant impact that God intended for them. God has gifted them and wants to use their experiences and relationships to do something that is beyond quantification. They may still have prestigious careers, but they'll carry out their work for a much better reason than what's in it for them.

Second, the pursuit of man-made success often brings out the worst in both parents and children. Many kids who are aimed at success struggle with antagonism or indifference toward their parents' dreams for them.

The third reason you want to avoid the success trap is that you really undermine the chance for your kids to gain the kind of wealth and extravagance God intended for them to enjoy ... in heaven.

God would like to build your children a mansion that is the logical extension of their faithfulness here on earth. If you've visited the Rocky Mountains or gazed over the edge of the Grand Canyon, you know that God is a superb architect. And if you've peeked at a sunset lately, you realize that God has a good eye for color. It makes so much more sense to raise your kids to live faithful and effective lives on earth and then leave the breadth of their success up to God. Eventually, He can create a far more "successful" future-even a forever future-than the best-laid human plans ever could.

The Trinity of True Greatness

True greatness takes on a life of its own when it is applied to the three biggest challenges our children must face. For the record, there are three primary questions your children need to answer in order to enjoy an effective adult life. If they answer these three questions correctly, they will be able to leave a powerful and lasting legacy for many generations to come:

1. What is my mission in life going to be? 2. Who is my mate going to be? 3. Who is my master going to be?

Put another way: What am I going to do with my life? Who will I spend my life with? Who will I live it for?

Here's what makes aiming your children at true greatness so compelling: their ability to answer these three questions properly almost becomes a foregone conclusion. When you're consistently pointing your kids toward greatness, it's difficult for them to mess up these three profound dimensions of their lives.

As we have...