Paul

The "Gift" of Singleness

Wherever the single person is, God is doing something. You can't alter it; you can't add something to it; you can't take something from it. God does His work so He can grow that person to be like Himself. Then when others see God in that person, His purpose has been fulfilled.

— Luci Swindoll (author, speaker, and never-been-married single)

An airline ticket to San Diego, a box of assorted chocolates, or even a pair of socks could constitute a gift. However, using this noun in reference to singleness leaves us wondering if one is speaking the correct language; while in English gift denotes a present or talent, in German the word gift refers to poison or toxin. Even the word celibacy raises images of something you might observe in a freak show. And yet, I fear the same dreadful notion carries over when people say a man or woman has "the gift of singleness." After all, the thinking goes, a "normal" person would never choose to live alone. The argument continues by citing God's creation of Eve for Adam, demonstrating that one is so much better off married. Consequently, the "gift" is portrayed as a curse rather than a blessing.

The reference to singleness as a gift originates in one of Paul's letters to the Corinthians. As a single adult serving Christ, Paul wishes that all men and women could be like him (1 Cor. 7:7). What exactly is this gift of singleness Paul is referring to in his letter to the believers at Corinth? Is the term used to provide a conciliatory token for losing in some cruel, cosmic game of Russian roulette? In this chapter, we will explore Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 7, how these words are evidenced in his own ministry, and how we should understand them today.

Two Gifts and Two Questions

Understanding Paul's words begins with their context. Paul writes to believers in Corinth to correct erroneous practices, attack false teachers, and provide instruction concerning the offering for poverty-stricken believers in Jerusalem.

Despite several historical and geographical differences, the culture of Corinth bears a strong resemblance to present-day American culture. Prominent Bible scholar Anthony Thiselton states that Corinthian culture was "self-sufficient, self-congratulatory ... coupled with an obsession about peer-group prestige, success in competition, their devaluing of tradition and universals, and near contempt for those without standing in some chosen value system." And as such, "1 Corinthians stands in a distinctive position of relevance to our own times."

While her members possessed many gifts and abilities (such as the spiritual gifts seen in 1 Cor. 12–13; see also 1:4–7), the church in Corinth remained spiritually immature (3:1–4). Resembling her culture, the church's immaturity even included gross sexual sin. For instance, in 1 Corinthians 5 we read not only of a man sleeping with his stepmother but also of many people within the church boasting of allowing it to continue. In response to this perverse culture and to particular believers who embraced such activity, some of the Corinthian believers overreacted and forbade sexual relations even in marriage.

The apostle addresses these extremes of promiscuity and abstinence within the local body of believers, first concentrating on the importance of maintaining sexual activity within marriage. He then concludes these opening thoughts by stating, "I wish that everyone was as I am [single]. But each has his own gift from God, one this way, another that" (7:7). Paul boldly declares both marriage and singleness to be gifts bestowed by God. I am continually amazed at Paul's words. In all my years of attending church, I do not remember anyone referring to the "gift of marriage." Often people neglect to see both as gifts, and in so doing, regard singleness as a social oddity. Finally, note that Paul doesn't pit the two marital states against each other but stresses the significance of each gift. Both are God-given.

I am comforted to know that God is the one distributing marriage or singleness. The God who called me before He created this world, who knows the number of hairs on my head, and who gave His Son for me is the benefactor of these gifts. It is the Lord who has appointed — not Aunt Lilly, not my mother, not my so-called friends, nor that well-meaning church member.

Yet Paul's statement in verse 7 raises two significant questions. First, how do I know which gift has been divinely selected for me? The common response, even among many Bible scholars, proposes that contentment is the deciding factor. In other words, the gift of singleness equates with one's satisfaction in living solo. Often proponents of this view believe the gift is celibacy, and they refer to the eunuchs in Matthew 19:12 for further support of their position: "For there are some eunuchs who were that way from birth, and some who were made eunuchs by others, and some who became eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who is able to accept this should accept it."

As I frequently tell my students, studying key biblical terms can greatly enhance our understanding of the text. When we investigate the Greek word for "gift," charisma, in 1 Corinthians 7:7, we find that Paul never uses this lexical form with an obligation attached. In the twenty occurrences of the word in the New Testament, charisma always conveys a divine gift or something freely and graciously given by God. The gift stands independent of human response. In fact, Scripture never indicates that God's blessings are earned by our contentment. Charisma is theocentric, not anthropocentric. Despite periods of loneliness, depression, and need, Paul declares, "Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am" (Phil. 4:11 NASB; see also 2 Cor. 12:10; 1 Tim. 6:8). While the immediate context of this verse concerns material possessions and various comforts of life, certainly we can include his present state of singleness.

Later in 1 Corinthians, we also observe Paul's willingness to become a slave to all people for the sake of the gospel (9:19), and we find his reminder that all we do should be for the glory of God (10:31). Because Paul recognized God's many blessings, his focus was not on his marital status but on serving the Lord. In "Singled Out by God for Good," Paige Benton provides a healthy outlook on the single life. Echoing Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 7, she writes: "I am not single because I am too spiritually unstable to possibly deserve a husband, nor because I am too spiritually mature to possibly need one. I am single because God is so abundantly good to me, because this is his best for me. It is a cosmic impossibility that anything could be better for me right now than being...