The Question

Which Choice Does God Want?

Here where we walk the fire-strafed road and thirst for the great face of love, the blinding vision, our wills grow steadfast in the heart's decision to keep the first commandment always first.

— Jessica Powers

ROBERT knew that he faced a decision. He had finished his degree and was teaching in college. "That year," he says, "I realized that I needed to make a decision about my vocation."

Robert explains:

My family always had a love and reverence for the priesthood. My uncle was a priest. He was a great guy, a kind of wisdom figure for me. It was a privilege to serve Mass for him when I was growing up. I remember watching priests when I was in grade school and thinking, "That would be great to do." But I didn't really think much about it.

When I went to college, I started going to daily Mass. That was where the idea of a vocation started to be stirred. I went to daily Mass all year. I was also making visits to the Blessed Sacrament. That was where I first felt deep, deep stirrings in my heart; I really started feeling the pull. I would spend an hour before the Blessed Sacrament in the evening, absorbed in peace and serenity. I said to myself, "Whatever this is, I want it. If it means being a priest, I'll do it."

But there was a struggle in my heart because since high school I also did a lot of partying — too much drinking and some drugs. It got better, but it was still a struggle sometimes. I also wondered if I could live celibately.

Then matters took a new turn for Robert:

In my sophomore year in college, I started dating Helen. I really learned from her what it means to love. I was in love with her and she with me. She blew my horizons into eternity. I could see endless possibilities in life with Helen. All that stuff about being in love and self-sacrifice — I would have given my life for her. Sometimes she would be in the chapel too when I was praying in the evening, and I would say, "Lord, the love I have for you and for Helen are the same thing."

There was intense intimacy, but it was a very chaste love. In my junior year we talked about marriage. Then I started to get scared. The intimacy was intense, and I thought that if she really found out about me — the partying, the drinking, all of that — she wouldn't want me.

At the same time, when I was dating Helen, the idea of priesthood became solid for me, real and consistent. Several persons asked me if I'd ever thought of being a priest.

One day I had lunch with the priest who was the chaplain. I really liked him. He was real, and he seemed happy. He told me that he thought I would make a good priest and that I should consider the priesthood. For the first time this became real, and I started to get scared. So I told Helen that we needed just to be friends. It was very hard. She knew I was thinking of the priesthood.

Robert's hesitation continued:

I finished my degree and started teaching. Once I was talking with a friend who told me that I needed to do something, that I'd been on this marriage-priesthood seesaw for two or three years. I said to myself, "Yes, he's right. It's time for me to face this question."

What should Robert do? Are the "deep, deep stirrings" and the "pull" his heart experiences toward priesthood indications that God is calling him to be a priest? Does the deep and chaste love he experiences for Helen, the "endless possibilities" in life he senses in her company, signify that God is calling him to marriage? What is God's will for Robert? How may Robert discern in this choice?

MONICA has been growing in her life of faith. After six years of emptiness, far from God, she returned to the Church. She lives a faithful life of the sacraments, has a spiritual director, and prays daily. She describes a moment of decision in her family:

I got a call that my father was terminally ill. I went to see him. The day I arrived he was in the hospital; I realized that I had come at the right moment. For two weeks I visited him regularly. A lot of the family was there. My sisters and I began to discuss what we should do: should we bring him home or find a good nursing home for him? I didn't know what God wanted me to do.

In a very different setting, similar questions arise. Monica, like Robert, loves God and wants to do God's will. What is God's will in this situation? How will Monica find clarity?

BRIAN describes yet another situation of decision. Early in his marriage, his wife Lisa's deep faith brought him close to the Lord. He recalls:

We had been married for several years, and our third child had just been born. I had worked in finance for a number of years, but found myself increasingly interested in serving in a more direct way. The thought of becoming a doctor continued to arise in my mind, all the more as my life of faith deepened. I spoke with Lisa about this. We both thought that I could do it, but it would mean some real sacrifices for Lisa while I was in medical school. For several months we talked and prayed about this.

Again, the same questions arise. Again, people who love the Lord and seek the Lord's will search for a way to discern that will.

When the choice is between a good and an evil option — to be honest or dishonest in my business dealings; to be faithful to my marriage vow or priestly ordination or religious consecration, or not; to speak the truth or a lie — God's will is evident: God never wills us to choose what is evil or would signify infidelity to definitive vocational commitments. Something similar may be said of choices concerning responsibilities inherent in a state of life already chosen: parents who must choose between proper care of their children or additional voluntary activities, no matter how good; a pastor who must choose between the needs of his parish or other ministries that require prolonged absences, and so forth. God, who calls us to a state of life, also calls us to the tasks inherent in that state.

Robert, Monica, and Brian, however, face a different kind of choice. Robert must discern between two options, both of which are good: marriage or priesthood. And his choice regards precisely his state of life: he is free to choose either. Monica and Brian also face choices which the criteria just named do not resolve: Does God will that Monica care for her father at home or with the aid of a well-equipped institution? Does God will that Brian remain in finance or enter medicine?

This is the...