The 11 Laws of Likability: Relationship Networking . . . Because People Do Business with People They Like - Softcover

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MICHELLE TILLIS LEDERMAN is founder and CEO of Executive Essentials, which provides customized communication and leadership programs. She is also an adjunct professor at NYU Stern School of Business and a faculty member of the American Management Association. She specializes in enhancing interpersonal communications and has delivered seminars internationally for corporations, universities, and nonprofit organizations including JPMorgan Chase, Morgan Stanley, Deutsche Bank, Columbia Business School, and The Museum of Modern Art.

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We all know that networking is important for success, but the networking tactics we read about take a lot of work—and can feel so phony! Wouldn’t it be great if you could network in a more relaxed, authentic way?

The 11 Laws of Likability reveals a painless new way to network that’s based on one simple truth: People do business with people they like. In this empowering book, you’ll learn how to identify and accentuate your most likable characteristics, and also how to:

• Start conversations and keep them going with ease

• Avoid coming across as manipulative or self-serving

• Convert acquaintances into friends

• Tweak your own personal style to enable engaging interactions with different kinds of people

• Stay in others’ minds long after your initial meeting

• And more.

Featuring real-life scenarios and packed with activities and self-assessment quizzes, this powerful yet down-to-earth book will help bring to light all of your natural likability—and give you easy, comfortable methods for creating honest, enjoyable interactions that become “wins” for you and for all parties involved.

Forming relationships is the foundation of success. And once you discover "The 11 Laws of Likability," your road to success in any field will be faster and more enjoyable than you ever imagined.

“A must-read for anyone interested in how to effectively leverage your network…by just being yourself.”— Tiffany Dufu, President, The White House Project

“WOW, I simply love this book. Lederman’s insights, gems, and nuggets of brilliance are a must-read for all those climbing the ladder of success in business and life.” —George C. Fraser, author, CLICK: Ten Truths for Building Extraordinary Relationships

MICHELLE TILLIS LEDERMAN is founder and CEO of Executive Essentials, which provides customized communication and leadership programs. She is an adjunct professor at NYU’s Stern School of Business and a faculty member of the American Management Association. In keeping with her belief that real relationships lead to real results, Lederman specializes in teaching people how to communicate to connect. She has delivered seminars internationally for Fortune 500 companies, nonprofits, and universities. She is a graduate of Lehigh University and Columbia Business School.

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INTRODUCTION

I used to believe I knew most of what there was to know

about connecting with people and building relationships.

But one day my belief got completely upended. It happened

while I was teaching one of my classes at New York University.

The course was about organizational communication, and it

was for business school sophomores. The students were

there to learn strategic tactics for communicating effectively.

Even though we covered a wide range of topics during the

semester—from understanding the audience to constructing

oral and written presentations—my overarching message was

always the same: You must have a purpose for every commu-

nication. If you haven’t established your intent, I told my stu-

dents, you are wasting your time and your listener’s patience.

I pounded home that message at every opportunity.

Then one day I asked my class, ‘‘What do you think my

objective is this semester? What is my intent?’’ A young man

sitting in the front row eagerly raised his hand. With a big

smile he said, ‘‘You want us to like you!’’

I was startled by his comment, and my answer was swift

and seemingly nonchalant. ‘‘No, that’s not my intent,’’ I

scoffed. ‘‘I don’t really care whether you like me or not.’’ Re-

flecting on the incident later, though, I realized that my re-

sponse had been a smokescreen. I did want them to like me;

of course I wanted to be liked. Who doesn’t?

What bothered me the most was that my response to the

student’s comment had been so harsh and abrupt, and it was

because I was uncomfortable with the accuracy of his assess-

ment. Even if I was willing to admit that I wanted to be liked, of

course I didn’t want my class to know it. In my mind, someone

who wanted to be liked was needy and weak and wasn’t very

likable.

To this day I’m not sure if the student’s comment was intended

to be smart-alecky or sincere, but regardless, it had a

profound impact on me. It got me thinking about likability, and

not just why we want to be liked but why we should want to be

liked. That classroom incident changed the course of my

work, my approach to teaching and coaching, and my own

methods of networking and relationship building. Now I focus

on the importance of likability—being likable, liking ourselves,

and in turn, liking the people we meet.

Many networking experts urge people to be strategic and delib-

erate to a fault, focusing on how to work a room and get in front of

key people. The act of meeting people and seeking connections

begins to feel like a dreaded chore, and when it feels like some-

thing you have to do rather than want to do, it’s hard to motivate

yourself to do it at all, let alone do it well.

Contrary to what many networking experts counsel (and what

I, too, used to believe), every interaction does not need to have an

intent or a specific objective.We do not need to focus with laserlike

precision on what our takeaway from a conversation will be, because

building relationships is not about transactions—it’s about

connections. It is about creating opportunities for honest and auth-

entic interactions, and making them advantageous for all parties

involved. It’s about liking and being liked.

Tapping into likability doesn’t mean making everything all

perky and bright and constantly being happy. In some ways it’s

just the opposite. Harnessing likability is about uncovering what

is authentically likable—in you, in the other person, in your con-

nection. It is through the strength of what is genuine that meaning-

ful connections build into relationships. The term networking is

simply another way to think about how to start a relationship. Our

relationships are our network. Whether they stem from business

or personal situations, our relationships are what support us, con-

nect us, and allow us to progress in all aspects of our lives.

To fully engage the power of likability, we need to understand

what it is and how it works. We are all, obviously, different, and

that’s a fact to be celebrated and embraced. What makes each of

us likable is distinct to us. But the basic drivers of likability are the

same for us all. I call them the 11 laws of likability. This book takes

an in-depth look at each of these ‘‘laws,’’ breaking them down to

find out how they function in both business and social settings,

and how to fully incorporate them into our lives.

This new likability-based paradigm for networking and building

relationships minimizes moments of inauthenticity and missed

opportunities. Instead, I’ll show you how to uncover what is inher-

ently likable about yourself, and how to share those qualities with

the people you meet to create relationships that are honest and

real, and that lead to win-win situations for everyone involved. By

approaching your interactions through the lens of likability, you

can expect to be happier, more comfortable, and more successful

in establishing meaningful relationships.

Even those of you who are comfortable approaching new people,

generating a conversation, or asking for what you want will

benefit from shifting your traditional thinking about how to...