Finding joy and beauty in the face of suffering 
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Molly Spencer&;s poetry has appeared in Blackbird, Copper Nickel, FIELD, Gettysburg Review, New England Review, Ploughshares, and Prairie Schooner. She is a poetry editor at Rumpus. Her debut collection, If the House, won the 2019 Brittingham Prize, selected by Carl Phillips.
 
SELF-PORTRAIT AS THE RIVER FLOODS
Snow chokes this town like a plague.
Slumped walls of white,
every corner clotted. March
comes in dazed-the sun
a weak rumor, quivering
hills, a just-begun dream
of runoff. I go back
years to the town of high ground,
that first yard necklaced by creek
and stone, berries brambling
down the backyard hill.
I go back-crocus
striving through snow,
all the orchards waiting
to blush then break
open. Now I know
not to sink too deep in the folds
of the bed, that even floors
can wander. Nights
of crest and sandbag,
the borrowed bridge
to safe ground swamped
by morning. I go down
to watch the water's surge
and spoils-there goes our table,
there, the spare key, there go
the stories I told them.
The children are growing
long and ravenous.
What can I build
that will hold?
ONSET
Late snow, and after
the orchard tamed, unblossomed.
That waking
to a stunted world,
the clock made loud
and slow.
Say your mother found you
hot and aching, wooden, warped, your bones
made sudden by pain.
Say she said, Rest, and you rested,
hearing far voices-the bodies
you'd birthed-down hallways long and bare.
Say she said, Take this, and you took it.
Then slept. A sheet pulled tight,
the whole world whitening. Sooner or later
every house has a sick room-
pale walls built by weather and waiting.
A window for weak light, the door forever
ajar. Sooner or later every orchard
knows the slow burn-bales of wet hay lit
in rows and smoking in a storm. Weak heat
and too late. A bleak
unharvesting, the coming summer
fruit-shorn.
Once there was no body,
just the strange spell of self.
A hand told to hold would hold.
Once a woman learned the weight
of flesh and bone, an earthward pull,
that fisted shape-a blossom held in snow.
IDIOPATHIC
These rooms never have windows. You’re alone
and waiting, still dressed in the incessant blue
of their gowns. Outside this room, your whole life
swallows hard. Your husband paces the waiting
room, flinting his fists. You wait like a cold house
waits for a fire to make it warm, wait while the sky
goes down to an early dusk, mending boundaries
and gaps by failing to reveal them. You wait
because you can’t unfold, can’t rise up,
can’t ignore the ladder you climb every day
just to stand on your feet.
When you hear the tap-tap
on the door, try to straighten, try to smile, try
to forget the splayed heart flapping in your chest.
Then listen, nod, murmur your thanks, and turn
again toward the ransacked room
of your body.
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