CHAPTER 1

Uncertain TrajectoriesThe Joys and Sorrows of Boyhood

Patriarchal assault on the emotional life of boys begins at themoment of their birth.

bell hooks, The Will to Change

ACCORDING TO MONA, a single woman in her late twenties, thereare two kinds of men: a raagil and illi bye'mil raagil (one who pretendsto be a man). While the first term implies an "authentic," genuine manhood,the second implies more of a pretense, an act that is not real.The difference, according to Mona, is that a raagil conducts himself ina manner befitting a man all the time, while illi bye'mil raagil does notconsistently materialize the norms that define a man. Her examples focusedon the way a man treats his wife. Er-raagil fears for his wife's safetyand reputation and thus establishes clear boundaries for her behavior,explaining what is permitted and what is not and why. If she goes tovisit his mother, he ensures that she does not return to their home aloneat night; he instructs her not to leave until he comes to accompanyher home. He is tough, firm, and strict but clearly articulates his logicand reasoning to his wife without resorting to violence. In contrast, illibye'mil raagil may do one thing in one context and then something contradictoryin another. He would claim to care about his wife but wouldsay, "Let her go back home late. What's the problem? What could happento her?" One of Mona's brothers, as she explains, falls into the secondcategory; he makes a big deal out of trivial things (haagaat hayfa)but ignores what is more important. Mona contrasts her brother witha proper man, who is tough (shideed) but reasonable (bi 'aql), who isstrong (qawi) but tender (hinayyin), and who controls his wife but doesnot suffocate her.

Mona's description touches upon some key aspects that define theideal man more broadly in her neighborhood: he is generous but carefulwith his money, controlling but affectionate, dominating but caring,concerned about himself but not vain, assertive but gentle, serious butfun-loving, absent but present. These expectations may seem contradictoryand impossible to materialize in any meaningful sense, and, in away, they are. However, upon closer inspection, one can see that they arecontext-bound. The materialization of a socially credible and recognizedmasculine identification depends, to a large extent, on a man's ability toenact the proper practices, stances, and feelings in the right context. Thismaterialization is central to sustaining a "coherent" masculine trajectoryand a credible definition of a real man. In this chapter, I use the word"materialization" because it captures the struggles, challenges, and physicaland emotional pressures embedded in the processes of becoming aman. The alternative, more common term "performance" continues toevoke some of its daily connotations of deliberate, fake, temporary, andplayful acts, which are not part of how masculinity is lived, practiced,and experienced in al-Zawiya. My use of the word "materialization" aimsto encompass both bodily gestures, movements, and representations aswell as other discursive practices and stances enacted in daily life to assertone's standing as a man. It also aims to capture the interplay between theinternalization of specific norms and their externalization in particularpractices, bodily presentations, and social interactions.

A masculine identification is not fixed, complete, or fully establishedbut has to be re-created and reasserted in different settings. It is alwaysunder the gaze of others, who may challenge, reaffirm, legitimize, or discreditits durability and "authenticity." This chapter aims to account forsome facets of this interplay and seeks to give the reader a sense of how meninternalize and externalize the discursive and embodied knowledge thatthey are imbued with from the moment of birth. To paraphrase Simonede Beauvoir, one is not born, but rather, becomes a man. I start by lookingat one young boy and how he is taught the meaning of boyhood, informedabout manhood, instructed about his body, and introduced to hisquarter and its various spaces. As mentioned in the Introduction, the "lifecycle" notion has proved to be inadequate for capturing the multiple spatialand temporal contexts that shape shared projects of gendering. Thus,rather than looking at a linear or chronological history of the boy's life, thischapter traces certain themes and significant moments of his cultivationas a future working-class man. I then move to look at some of the wordsand labels used to evaluate and critique various aspects of the materializationof masculinity and the social values attached to them. My discussionhighlights some of the hegemonic norms that families work to inculcatein young boys in hopes of producing real men, but I also account for thechallenges, uncertainties, and struggles embedded in this process.

The Joy of Having a Boy

When Hiba became pregnant, she and her husband, Karim, wereoverjoyed. They had waited for that news for three years. The pregnancywas important to them, not only because children are highly valued andloved in Egyptian society and are central to confirming their parents'social status as a couple but also because Karim was a long-distance commuter.Just a few months after their wedding, he had to travel back to hiswork in Saudi Arabia and could spend only limited time in Egypt. Despitethe time they spent together immediately after their wedding and areturn trip by Karim nine months later, she did not get pregnant, andthe expense of additional return trips continued to eat into their savings.After both of them consulted several doctors and received some treatments,they were delighted to learn that Hiba was finally pregnant. Theirjoy doubled as the newborn was not only healthy but also a boy. Thiswas especially desirable because Hiba's husband was from Upper Egyptwhere, she explained, males are greatly valued and viewed...