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Believing in Hope

Moody Publishers

Contents

Chapter 1 Stronger Each Day............................9Chapter 2 Remember You Can.............................23Chapter 3 Enforcer of Truth............................37Chapter 4 Over the Hurt................................53Chapter 5 Easier to Forget.............................65Chapter 6 Angrier Every Moment.........................79Chapter 7 Blower of Smoke..............................91Chapter 8 Other Than Me................................103Chapter 9 Deeper Sadness Prevailed.....................117Chapter 10 Your Own Fault...............................129Chapter 11 Better Not Bitter............................143Chapter 12 Happier Feelings Reign.......................157Acknowledgments.........................................167Discussion Questions....................................171

Chapter One

Yasmin, you and your brothers need to come over to my house right now," Myrek said to me over the phone with great urgency in his voice.

"Huh? What are you talking about?" I said to my next door neighbor and best buddy, of many years.

I was really confused about why he sounded panicked. My mom had just come back from Myrek's apartment. Mr. Mike, Myrek's dad, had asked her to come over to discuss the situation about Jada, Myrek's sister. My brother Jeffery Jr., whom everybody called Jeff, used to date Jada. Well, now Jada says that she is pregnant-and that Jeff is the father!

Though my tough brother York wasn't at all happy about it, my smart brother Yancy and I certainly thought this was great news. I wasn't nave or anything. I know that it is not God's plan for a teenage girl to be pregnant. But because of what my grandma, Big Mama, always said could come out of a mess, I had hope that God will bring a miracle into these circumstances. After explaining the situation to my brothers and me, Mom realized that she'd left her Bible at Myrek's house, so she went back to get it.

"Yas, please don't ask me no questions. Seriously; could y'all come on over here?" Myrek said as I heard loud talking behind him.

My mom was over there cutting up. Why though? She had just said that we needed to be prayerful and God would work everything out. It had only been months since Jeff took his own life. Just when 1 was getting over the fact that I would probably lose every connection I ever had with him, I find out that I will have a niece or nephew, keeping a part of Jeff in this world. What could possibly be going wrong now?

Quickly, I slid on my slippers and hung up the phone without saying bye.

I looked at York and Yancy. "Let's go. Mom's over there showing out."

"I told y'all this isn't our fight. This isn't our business," York said, not wanting to get up out of his seat. "Jada is too young to have a baby. Besides, whatever that girl wants to do with her body ain't got nothing to do with us."

"Yeah. Like Jeffery would want her to kill the baby?" Yancy said to York. "We gotta be his voice. We gotta do whatever we can to make sure she knows that she's not in this alone. So get up and let's go over there. Now!"

I couldn't believe Yancy grabbed York's collar. I knew that wasn't going to go over well. The two of them started pushing and shoving each other back and forth. It was just killing me how every five minutes they were getting into it about something.

"Guys, this isn't about us. Mom is over there fussing with Myrek's dad. Can't we just keep whatever we feel to ourselves and go bring Mama home?"

York said, "Mama's grown. What about this don't you understand?"

"I understand that she's our mom and obviously it's a big enough deal that Myrek thought we could help by being over there. it's not like I'm putting my nose into something that I'm supposed to stay out of. We were basically asked to come over and help. If you want to sit here and do nothing, or if you two want to stay here and argue, then fine. I'll go by myself." I opened our apartment door and stood in the doorway with my body facing right.

"I'll go," York said, knowing that I made a very valid point.

The front door of Myrek's apartment was wide open.

"You just can't go around giving no demands, Yvette," Mr. Mike said to our mom. "Jada is my daughter. She's going to do what is best for her. All of us are struggling in these projects. We're barely able to take care of the kids we got now. You workin' two jobs. I'm working seventeen hours.

"How we gonna be able to take care of a grandchild? And your son ain't even here to help. I'm sorry if this hurts. I'm sorry if I'm saying the tough stuff, but I'm being real. Jeff's gone and we need to move on. Jada has a future that includes finishing school. And having a baby just ain't a part of that future."

My brothers and I were standing behind our mom.

"You not gon' tell me that y'all gon' deal with this without me!" Mom said, fussing. "Are you tellin' me that she's not gonna have the baby?"

Finally, he said, "Y'all need to get your mom up on out of my apartment. This is my daughter and we gon' deal with it how she needs to."

No one seemed to notice that Jada was in the corner crying. Our parents just kept going back and forth at it. They were getting so loud and crazy that obviously this girl could not take anymore of it. Suddenly, she ran outside and I followed her.

"Jeffery, why'd you have to leave me? I'm sorry I told you it was Bone's baby. I just thought it would be better. I didn't want to mess wm up and keep you from going on to college, I didn't know you were gonna take it so hard. Please forgive me, God. Please forgive me!" Jada sobbed.

I was going out there to console Jada, but hearing what she said made me stop as if I'd come to a stop sign and a policeman was waiting to give me a ticket if I proceeded. And then when I was able to move, when I could go forward to comfort her, it was like my car broke down. How could I comfort a girl who basically was confessing to the fact that she was probably the reason why my brother took his own life?

Now granted, I found out that he owed Bone money for not throwing the high school state championship game. I'd also learned that his grades were horrible and he probably wasn't going to get a chance to go to college after all. But I still knew Jeff to be so strong. None of that made me think he'd be that down. But this? I believe that he loved Jada. If she told him that she was having someone else's baby, he would have been devastated. I screamed to release my pent-up frustration.

Jada turned around and said, "How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough," I said with one hand on my hip. "Why'd you lie to my brother?" I demanded.

"I don't know. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I could pull this off. I didn't think he would end everything. I was fooling myself that Jeff wouldn't care. Please, please forg-"

Getting close to her face, I snarled and said, "Please what? My brother's gone. We don't have no real reasons or answers why he did what he did. If you told him this terrible lie, then of course he felt helpless and weak. How could you? And you don't even know if you want the baby!"

Jada looked at me with tears streaming down for face and said, "Yasmin, you have no clue about what I'm going through!"

I was overcome with the sick feeling grief...