CHAPTER 1

MY STORY:A NEW ROAD

AN EMPTY HOUSE, A STUFFED U-Haul, and exhaustfumes on the rise signaled the time to leave. Four-year-oldAustin and six-year-old Natalie, eager to ride with their dadfor the five-hundred-mile trip, left me in peaceful solitude innay own car. My week flashed back—crumpled newspapers,labeled boxes, and please-don't-leave hugs. As we ascended theramp onto Interstate 20, leaving Dallas in my rearview mirror,I visualized God taking us in a new direction, on a new road,to a new life—in Hattiesburg, Mississippi.

After an hour of driving, the Christian radio stationfaded. Now alone with my thoughts, I relived memories fromthe last eight years: three houses remodeled while living inthem (marriage still intact), hunting for antiques in thosesmothering barns in Forney, and hilarious moments at SupperClub. A difficult pregnancy turned to joy when a daughterarrived. Two years later, a son. Those tender years glued ustogether as a family, and we grew. Snapshots etched in mymind reveal a snowman and two frozen-cheeked toddlers,a blow-up swimming pool and dancing in the sprinklers.We'll always remember the Texas State Fair, Bagelsteins, theMesquite Rodeo, and of course, America's Team and ours, theDallas Cowboys. Friends gathered every Fourth of July for all-you-campedshrimp and homemade Butterfinger ice cream.Leaving Dawna, my let's-get-together friend, tugged at myresolve. Together we had trudged through newlywed confusionand newborn exhaustion. That chapter now closed.

The blessings in Texas would have made it easy to stay, butnew opportunities waited for us in Mississippi. God's provenfaithfulness assured me of special things ahead. Fear of thefuture would not rule the day. High hopes carried me to mydestination.

We bought a seventy-year-old house, already remodeledby the previous owner and surrounded by trees—big, talltrees. We made new friends, joined a dynamic church, and gotbusy with life.

A year went by. Nothing terrible happened, but a growingsense of disappointment loomed over me. It was not a mid-lifecrisis at thirty-five, but rather unfilfilled expectations. I wasnot where I wanted to be in my life. I made known to God myfrustration and waited for His reply.

About that time, four new friends invited me to gowith them to a Christian conference at Precept Ministriesin Chattanooga, Tennessee, six hours away. If nothing else, Ineeded a break from the Mom routine, and I knew I wouldenjoy the fellowship. It's strange to me now that I look backon this conference as a turning point in my life.

One morning, while singing songs, the worship leadersaw someone she knew in the audience and called her to thefront spontaneously. With giddy enthusiasm the song leaderasked her friend to share some Scripture with this group ofabout 300. Without hesitation, this unnamed woman recitedfrom memory the entire book of Colossians. Awe-inspiring!I sat in my chair mesmerized by what I had just heard. Thewheels turned in my mind. I wondered what it would belike to really know God's Word, to have it so embedded inmy heart and mind that I would carry it with me wherever Iwould go. What would it mean to my relationship with Godif I really knew His Word?

I had become a Christian at twenty-one years old, whilea student at the University of Florida. But I didn't grow upin church and had no Bible background or knowledge accumulated.In the years that followed, I read through the Biblemany times. In fact, I held to a daily Bible-reading regimen.But I couldn't confidently say that I knew the Bible. My Bibleknowledge resembled a tangled pile of disconnected wires.

I came home from the conference in Chattanooga determinedto make a change. I had come face-to-face with theshallowness of my own Bible knowledge, and I longed to godeeper. But where would I begin? Since nay inspiration hadcome from someone who memorized Scripture, I decided tofollow her lead. I started with the book of Ephesians, an impossibleundertaking without God's help. It took me severalmonths, but I worked on it every single day and night, learningone verse at a time.

My overriding motivation was the fear of quitting. At thispoint in my life, I couldn't handle the devastation of anothergoal abandoned. The day came when I shared, from memory,the book of Ephesians with my Sunday school class. As I concludedwith "Grace to all who love our Lord Jesus Christ withan undying love," tears flowed and my heart pounded with joy.I saw others with tears in their eyes as well, but I didn't understandwhat it all meant. That day I reached a milestone in mylife; the stepping-stones that preceded it were the months Ispent devouring Ephesians chapter by chapter.

I couldn't say that I knew God's Word yet. What I couldsay was, "I know the book of Ephesians." And for the first timein my Christian life, I felt as though God's Word was knowable.I had proven that to myself. For years I'd viewed knowingthe Bible as something unattainable, or perhaps reserved fora select few. Now I was convinced that the knowledge of theBible was not beyond my reach.

At the same time, I saw the inexhaustible nature of God'sWord. Even within the book of Ephesians, alter memorizingevery single word, more discoveries awaited me. I had not yetreached the depth of its truth.

Another outcome grew out of many months spent inEphesians—a sense of ownership, as if God had written thebook just for me. Every time I heard anything from Ephesiansmentioned, in conversation or at church, I immediatelythought, That's my book. I had poured hours of my life intoEphesians, and it now belonged to me.

But why did God give me His Word, and where did Hewant to take me from there? I didn't know. I felt as if I wereat a crossroad in my life. I couldn't go back, and I couldn'tstay the same; those options seemed closed. I wasn't sure whyor what was ahead, but I saw myself standing at a crossroad,calculating a move to the right or to the left.

On my upcoming fall schedule I planned to teach a Biblestudy on 2 Peter. Because it was several months away, I decidedto memorize that book. With only three chapters I could doit over the summer. As I began in chapter 1, saying the wordsover and over, I noticed a theme unfolding.

Grace and peace be yours in abundance through theknowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. (2 Peter 1:2,emphasis added)

His divine power has given us everything we needfor life and godliness through our knowledge of him whocalled us by his own glory and goodness. (2 Peter 1:3,emphasis added)

Through these he has given us his very great and preciouspromises so that through them you may participatein the divine nature ... (2 Peter 1:4, emphasis added)

I meditated not only on the words but on the truth presentedthere. And I began to have a conversation with myselfthat went something like this: Wow! These are very bold statements.How could they possibly be true? This passage claims thatthrough our knowledge of God

• we can have grace and peace in abundance,

• we can have everything we need for life and godliness,and

• we can participate in the divine nature; we canbecome more like Jesus.

Is this possible? I asked. Of course, I know God's Word istrue "in theory," but if it is really true that we can have everythingwe need for life and godliness, through our knowledgeof God, then how come more Christians aren't pouring themselvesinto the Scriptures so they can have all these things? Idon't know! Then I asked myself. Well, how come you don't?I sat there contemplating nay own challenge. Then I determined,I'm going to! I am going to pour myself into God's Worduntil I get everything I need for life and godliness.

That day I made the right turn at the crossroad. With renewedfervor, I plunged into God's Word as though there wereno tomorrow—every free minute of every day and night. As abusy mom with no extra hours in my day, I had to find ways tofit in God's Word. I agonized while determining which activitieswere truly essential. (Can you believe my husband, Ethan,thought cooking and cleaning should remain in the essentialcategory?)

Over the next ten years, I memorized the Sermon on theMount, Ephesians, Philippians, 1 Thessalonians, 2 Timothy,Titus, Hebrews, James, 1 and 2 Peter, 1 John, Revelation, afew Psalms, and other passages.

In order to keep from forgetting these, I set up a scheduleto review one book every day, while learning somethingnew. At that time, we didn't have a Christian radio station inHattiesburg, so instead of what I used to do in Dallas—keepthe radio on all day and listen to someone else teach what theylearned from the Bible—I worked around the house learningScripture for myself. I found it easy to do many activities at thesame time, while learning or reviewing Scripture: showering,putting on makeup, vacuuming, folding laundry, cooking,cleaning, washing floors, driving all over town, and manyother jobs that don't require thinking.

At the end of each day, physical exhaustion spread overme, but weariness did not. In fact, I felt victorious as I constantlybattled the distractions of the day and still squeezedin God's Word. I began connecting the dots between God'srequirement of me and the part I'm responsible for. WouldGod want me to know Him and spend time in His Word, butthen make that impossible to achieve? No, but neither doesHe makes it effortless. He will make a way when I put forththe effort and show nay willingness to put Him first.

An aroma of joy permeated my heart and my home. Thisfrazzled morn began to change. An urgency to make up forlost time replaced the guilt caused by spiritual neglect. I hada renewed confidence that God would help me raise my childrenaccording to His plan. His presence guided me throughoutnay day, in every decision, at every turn.

Where did the pursuit of knowledge fit into my understanding?Doesn't the Bible say, "Knowledge makes arrogant,but love edifies" (1 Corinthians 8:1 NASB), and, "If I have... all knowledge ... but do not have love, I am nothing"(1 Corinthians 13:2 NASB)? Knowledge for knowledge's sakecouldn't be the answer, but what about 2 Peter 1:3: "everythingwe need for life and godliness through our knowledge ofhim"? The answer to this dilemma appears in the same chapterof 2 Peter.

For this very reason, make every effort to add to yourfaith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and toknowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance;and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness,brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For ifyou possess these qualities in increasing measure, they willkeep you from being ineffective and unproductive in yourknowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. (2. Peter 1:5–8)

In other words, if you are not growing in your faith—addingto your faith—your knowledge becomes ineffectiveand unproductive. But if you are continually growing in yourfaith, your knowledge will have a positive effect. It will keepyour knowledge productive and effective. The bottom line:Knowledge is meaningless without application.

People ask me, "What's the most difficult part of memorizing?"The answer? Living it! For example, memorizing thebook of James put me in a constant state of rebuke because somuch in my life needed to be changed. I knew I wasn't living it.

James says, "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceiveyourselves. Do what it says" (James 1:22). That's tellingme that if I listen to, or read, or even memorize the Word, butI don't do what it says, then I'm deceived because I think I'mOkay, just fine, doing well, simply because I memorized theWord. James doesn't leave it there. He says that if you listento the Word but don't do what it says, you're like the personwho looks in the mirror, sees his flaws, but goes away forgettingto fix the problem (James 1:23–24). In contrast, the manwho looks intently into the Word does not forget what he seesand makes the needed correction. This man will be blessedin whatever he does (see v. 25). The Word of God acts as amirror, revealing who we are, inside and out.

A friend of mine, Beverly, worked with me years ago, volunteeringat our children's school. One day Beverly came toschool to help out. She'd been there for several hours and thenwent to the ladies' room. As she leaned over to wash her hands,she noticed in the mirror that she still had a curler on top ofher head. She'd been walking around school with that curleron her head, and no one told her about it. But the mirror toldher. Now, what do you suppose was the likelihood that afterseeing the curler she left it there and walked away? None. Sheyanked it out immediately.

Two important factors emerge from this story: knowledgeand application. Beverly worked at the school for several hourswith no knowledge of the problem, so how could she takeaction? As soon as the mirror showed her the truth, she madethe needed correction. So it is with God's Word. Application isvital, but we cannot apply what we do not know.

The connection between knowledge and applicationbecame clearer in my own life. Knowledge is meaninglesswithout application, but you won't have application if youdon't have knowledge.

God provided many opportunities in my own home toapply the knowledge I gained. But it wasn't as smooth sailingas it may have appeared from the outside. The more I got intoGod's Word, the more knowledge I acquired, and the more Ifelt compelled to apply it. But this became a heavy burden tome because I exposed myself to so much. For example, memorizingthe Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5–7) nailed mewith humanly impossible teachings. Jesus said:

But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for thosewho persecute you, that you may be sons of your Fatherin heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and thegood, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.If you love those who love you, what reward willyou get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? Andif you greet only your brothers, what are you doing morethan others? Do not even pagans do that? (Matthew5:44–47)

Such powerful words and a call to a lifestyle so far frommy own! I struggled to love everyday people, and now I wassupposed to love my enemies?

Why did God give me His Word if it only pointed out myinadequacies and failure to live up to its principles? My ownknowledge overwhelmed me! My constant prayer was, "Lord,I want to go beyond knowledge. I don't want to be one ofthose people who can quote the Bible but whose life disgracesthe cause of Christ. O God, I'd rather die than be that person."

The Lord knew nay quandary, but He had already shownme the answer in the book of Ephesians. How quickly I'd forgotten!Notice the word power throughout Paul's prayer forthe Ephesians.

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom hiswhole family in heaven and on earth derives its name.I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthenyou with power through his Spirit in your inner being, sothat Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. AndI pray that you, being rooted and established in love, mayhave power, together with all the saints, to grasp howwide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—thatyou may be filled to the measure of all the fullness ofGod. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably morethan all we ask or imagine, according to his power thatis at work within us, to him be glory in the church andin Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever andever! Amen. (Ephesians 3:14–21, emphasis added)

God alone gives the power to know the depth and breadthof His love, and only experientially knowing the love of Christwill surpass knowledge. On nay own I am incapable of livingup to His Word. God's power, working in me and through me,will enable me to go beyond knowledge.

Step by step, God was leading me in my understanding,teaching me what it meant to really know Him and walk withHim. I had tasted knowledge and found it delightfully satisfying.I'd also become aware of the need to make knowledgemore than word intake. I see now that God had me rightwhere He wanted me. He was beginning to write His Wordin my heart.