Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Von der hinteren Coverseite

Auszug. © Genehmigter Nachdruck. Alle Rechte vorbehalten.

ENGAGING TODAY'S PRODIGAL

Moody Publishers

Contents

Getting Started: Why You Want to Read This Book................................................111. Myth 1: Perfect Parenting Makes for Perfect Children........................................192. Myth 2: It's My Fault—It Says So in the Bible.........................................303. Myth 3: I Can Rescue Him....................................................................354. Myth 4: This Child Just Wants to Push My Buttons............................................405. Myth 5: If I Can Say the Perfect Thing, My Child Will Finally "Get It"!.....................446. Myth 6: If I Can Let Her Know How Badly She's Hurting Us, She'll Stop.......................497. Myth 7: My Mistakes Will Scar Her Forever...................................................548. Do Advise, Don't Badger.....................................................................639. Do Focus on Boundaries, Not on Behavior.....................................................6810. Do Create a Connecting Place...............................................................7411. Don't Start a Sentence with "The Bible Says ..."...........................................7812. Do Sit Down and Listen.....................................................................8413. Don't Miss the Courage in Your Prodigal....................................................8914. Do Love When Your Prodigal Is Most Unlovable...............................................9315. Do Create a Support System.................................................................9716. Do Save Something for Your Non-Prodigals...................................................10117. Do Reach Out to Prodigals Who Aren't Your Own..............................................10618. Don't Pull Out a List of Expectations When Your Prodigal Returns...........................11019. Do Not Lose Yourself during This Trial.....................................................11420. The Long Walk Home—The Rest of My Story..............................................12321. God, the Artist............................................................................134For the Church.................................................................................141Stepping Off That Coattail Faith...............................................................141Why Do We Believe That?........................................................................145What a Nice Story..............................................................................146Watch Out for the Ewww Effect..................................................................148A Better Look at Mom and Dad...................................................................151Whatever Happened to Sin?......................................................................154Dismantling the Club...........................................................................157What Some Other Prodigals Have to Say..........................................................164More Resources.................................................................................169Helpful Scripture..............................................................................171Acknowledgments................................................................................172

Chapter One

Sandra had always known that perfect parenting makes for perfect children. And if you looked at her family, you just might agree. I mean the numbers were hard to dispute. You see Sandra had eleven ... count them ... eleven children, all of whom were obedient, quiet, compliant, thoughtful, respectful, and kind. Whatever the formula was, Sandra had it figured out. In fact, she seemed to have it mastered.

Wherever her family went, people were impressed. They looked upon her trailing clan with immense admiration and respect. This appreciation was not lost on Sandra. She knew she had been a good steward of the little lives that God had sent her way. Her sense that parenting was simply a matter of consistently doing the right things led her to think rather poorly of those families whose children were, well ... shall we say, "less obedient" than hers. Everywhere she turned she found parents who were getting it wrong. And she regularly and happily shared her assessment of their errors, making clear to these other parents that they simply were not applying themselves as they should ... as she clearly had. She even suggested that perhaps it was an indication of a lacking in their own hearts, an unwillingness perhaps to submit to God's authority correctly that was presenting itself in the misbehaviors and wayward choices of their children.

And God laughed. And sent her number twelve.

Now of course, I knew none of this when she rather sheepishly approached my table at a conference where I was speaking. But soon, she spilled out all the confusion and dismay that accompanied this twelfth family member. "Everything that worked so well with my other children does absolutely nothing with this one!" She was out of ideas and was at my table hoping I had some. We first shared the frustration that can arise when a child doesn't fit the mold or follow the standard expectations. We talked about the challenges involved in helping a child become what God had in mind when He created him in this unique and frankly puzzling way. But eventually, she worked her way onto a topic that clearly had been pressing on her heart. She confessed that she had been guilty of pride in the past and as a result had been too quick to dispense harsh judgment on other parents. Her voice dropped to a whisper. "I owe an apology to so many people. I know that I have hurt others and unfairly put a burden on them"

Where Did This Idea Come From?

Where did the idea that perfect parenting will result in perfect children even come from? How did we ever bring such a presupposition to the table? What was the source? It certainly wasn't from the Bible. Think about it. If it were ... if perfect parenting could truly be a guarantee of perfect children, then Adam and Eve should have been flawless. In the historical account from the garden of Eden, we should have witnessed a supreme example of perfect children who made no significantly poor decisions. Instead, what we see is that pride, arrogance, a misdirected desire to be like God, and a willingness to rashly act on it were present even in children parented by God alone.

If perfect parenting was a guarantee that perfect children would result, well then you have been given the power to remove both the ability God gave them to think for themselves and the pull of sin on individuals in this fallen world. My, don't you feel strong? Yet of course, none of us has such herculean capabilities, even though we might wish for them. God has ordained that His children and our children will have the pleasure and the risk of making their own decisions.

Please don't get me wrong. I'm not negating the value of good parenting. Absolutely, we should still strive to be the best parents that we can be. There is no doubt that we have a powerful influence over our children. Good parenting has an impact, as does poor parenting. But having an influence is not the same as having control. Our reach only goes so far. Our children may well make choices that affirm our influence and stay in line...