The Expectant Father: Facts, Tips, and Advice for Dads-to-Be (New Father Series) - Hardcover

Armin A. Brott is a nationally recognized parenting expert and author of Abbeville’s New Father series, including: The New Father: A Dad’s Guide to the First Year; Fathering Your Toddler: A Dad’s Guide to the Second and Third Years; Fathering Yout School-Age Child; and The Military Father. He has written on parenting and fatherhood for The New York Times Magazine, The Washington Post, Newsweek, and dozens of other publications. He also hosts “Positive Parenting,” a nationally syndicated, weekly talk show and lives with his family in Oakland, California.

Jennifer Ash is the author of Private Palm Beach and a contributing editor to Town and Country. She and her husband Joe, and their son Clarke and daughter Amelia make their home in New York City.

Excerpt from: The Expectant Father (Third Edition)

Cesarean Section

All things being equal, most parents would prefer to bring their babies into the world “normally.” And most of the time, things go the way they're supposed to. But when they don't, the chances of having a Cesarean section delivery increase greatly. In fact, more than 30% of all children born in hospitals are delivered by C-section.

What She's Going Through

Most childbirth preparation classes (see pages 102–6) put a great deal of emphasis on natural, unmedicated deliveries. Many women, therefore, feel a tremendous amount of pressure to deliver vaginally, and may actually consider themselves “failures” if they don't—especially after they've invested many hours in a painful labor (for more on this see pages 159–60).

In addition, recovering from a Cesarean is much different than recovering from a vaginal birth (see page 160 for more details). My wife and I spent three nights in the hospital after the C-section delivery of her first daughter but after our second daughter was born (vaginally), remained in the hospital for only five hours. (We rushed it a little; most people stay twenty-four to forty-eight hours after vaginal birth.)

What You’re Going Through

Take on the C-section is undoubtably going to be quite different from your partners. Researcher Catherine they found that only 8% of men whose Partners delivered by C-section objected to the operation 92% were greatly relieved. Although I didn't participate in the study, it accurately reflects my own experience. It simply never occurred to me that we might somehow have failed when our first order was delivered by C-section. On the contrary, I remember feeling incredibly thankful that my wife suffering would finally end. And seeing how quickly and painlessly the baby was delivered made me wonder why we hadn't done it sooner.

Despite the relief a father may feel on his wife's behalf, a C-section can be a trying experience for him. As a rule, he is separated from his wife while she is being prepped for surgery, and he is not giving any information about what's happening. I remember being left in the hall outside the operating room, trying to keep an eye on my wife through a tiny window. Besides being terribly scared, I felt completely helpless—and useless—as the doctors, nurses, and assistants scurried around, blocking my view, getting dressed, washing, opening packages of scalpels, tubes, and who knows what else. Only one person—the pediatrician who would attend the delivery—took a minute to pat me on the shoulder and tell me that everything would be all right. I've never felt more grateful to another person in my life.

When I was finally permitted into the operating room, I was told—no discussion allowed—to sit by my wife's head. There was a curtain across her chest that prevented me from seeing with the surgeons were doing. Whenever I stood up to get a better view the anesthesiologist shoved me back down into my seat. I was too exhausted to argue, but a friend of mine, whose partner had a C-section in the same hospital a few years later did argue and was able to go around to the “business end” of the operation.