I Ain't Scared of You: Bernie Mac on How Life Is - Softcover

Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Bernie Mac (1957–2008) began his comedy career at age eight by hosting a weekly talent show on his front porch. He became a regular emcee at Chicago's legendary Cotton Club, and in 1990 won the prestigious Miller Lite Comedy Search. He took his act on the road and opened for the likes of the O'Jays, Gladys Knight and the Pips, and the Temptations. In 1995, he hosted Midnight Mac for HBO, a variety show that garnered him a nomination for a Cable ACE Award. Mac's film career included roles in The Players Club, Life, Ocean's Eleven, and Spike Lee's The Original Kings of Comedy. His work in The Bernie Mac Show, a sitcom for the Fox Network, earned him an Emmy nomination for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series.

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Chapter One: Hard Times and Humble Beginnings

I grew up in the streets of 69th and Morgan, the south side of Chicago. Rough as hell. We did all that bullshit -- fighting, cuttin' each other with glass, shootin'. But back when we were coming up, we could joke with each other hard. We killed each other with jokes, all day long. And we didn't run and get no pistols or nothin'. Learning how to take a joke, learning how to tell one on somebody -- that shit made you stronger. People talkin' about you: "Ya hair nappy"; "You got on floods up to here."

Lint in ya hair? Shit, you had the teddis.

And it's always a guy that smells like piss.

"Black ass tar baby," they used to call me. "Spooky Juice." I'm sitting up there, they laughing at me and shit. I went home mad, can't sleep. Next day, I come back: "Motherfucker," I was talking that shit, too. "Yeah, look at you..." You learn how to fight back, man. I didn't go get no pistol. That's when I learned to come back. "Look at you!"

Growing up, I laughed at stuff that people couldn't understand. I'd be laughing at the craziest thing, and people would be lookin' at me like,What the hell? Something wrong with that muthafucka.

I laughed at people's misfortune -- because I had so many misfortunes. But I didn't look at them as misfortunes. I learned hard lessons in life; I had to because I had so much happen: My mother died my sophomore year in high school. The next year, same day, my brother dropped dead. Two years after that, I got married because my girlfriend got pregnant. The year after my wedding, my father -- who I had only recently met -- died.

That was just life to me. So my mentality was, your misfortune wasn't all that bad because that's the way I thought about mine. But on the flip side, you were like, "This muthafucka laughing. I'm sitting up here, house burnin' down, and this muthafucka up here laughing."

That's true. One time, there was this fire on our block, and everybody had come running out this house. They was in they draws, hair all messed up, and there go Ms. Lee screamin', "Aw Lord, our prop'ty, our prop'ty!"

And I'm laughing. Ms. Lee snapped on me: "It ain't funny! It ain't funny!" The more she screamed, the harder I laughed. But I wasn't laughing at the fire. I wasn't laughing at the fact that their house was burning down. I was laughing at their expressions.

I just kept seeing her face, all frowned up, eyes bugged out, raggedy-ass headrag on, and she just screamin'. One side of her panties was in the crack of her ass. Her old man -- he had lost a leg to diabetes -- and this peg-leg muh'fucka was just kickin' at the air. Just kickin'. Talkin' to firemen, talkin' 'bout, "Hurry up!"

I just couldn't hold it. I was falling out.

But like I said, I could laugh at people's misfortunes because I had so many of my own. Like a lot of black people, I grew up straight po'. Wasn't no question about whether we was po', either. If you really wanted to know, all you had to do was look in our refrigerator.

You go to some people houses and the kids got all kinds of cookies and cakes and ice cream and shit. You know,snacks.

But not us. We ain't never have no good food, man, nothin' for kids to just munch on. Shit, fuck around and ask my granddaddy 'bout some damn snacks.

KIDS: Daddy, can we have a snack?

GRANDDADDY: Mm-hmm, yeah, you can have a snack. Put you a coupla boiled eggs up in that pot in there.

Seriously, that was a snack at our house. We'd put about three or four eggs in a pot, boil 'em, then my granddaddy would cut 'em up in halves. I'd get a half. My brother would get a half, and so on. Then you'd add salt and pepperand hot sauce.

Maaaaan, you'd be farting all damn night.

Everybody would be in the bed trying to get some rest, my grandmama and granddaddy in the next room, and then all of a sudden --fffrrrrrppppppp.

"Man, why you -- why you -- why you do it by my face? Mamaaaaaa! He fartin' in people's face!"

"Well, he just did in mine! He did it in mine!"

That's from eating all them eggs.

And it wasn't just snacks. You know you poor when you eatin' breakfast food late. You fryin' toast? At nine o'clock at night? With bacon?

You're broke.

We'd have to get some baloney and fry it until the black forms a circle around the edges. Don't even have no bread. Just roll it up like a hot dog and eat it.

And don't let us really get some ice cream. Booooyyy. When we'd get ice cream, my granddaddy would give us all one scoop each. I'd get mine, stir it up, mash it, make it seem like I had a lot. And you know kids: always examining what the other kids got.

My brother would be lookin' at mine, and then he'd start complaining to my grandfather -- which was thewrong thing to do.

"Granddaddy, he got mo' than me!"

My granddaddy'd tell him: "Ain't nobody got mo'! Ain't nobody got mo'!"

"Yes, he do! Everybody got mo!"

Then my granddaddy would just get mad at all of us. He couldn't just get mad at one of us. He had to get us all.

"Ain't nobody got -- You know what? Go to bed! All y 'all, go to bed!"

It'd be two o'clock in the afternoon. "Go to...