Verwandte Artikel zu Who Moved My Soap?: The CEO's Guide to Surviving...

Who Moved My Soap?: The CEO's Guide to Surviving Prison: The Bernie Madoff Edition - Softcover

 
9780743251426: Who Moved My Soap?: The CEO's Guide to Surviving Prison: The Bernie Madoff Edition

Inhaltsangabe

They threw the book at Madoff. Now here's the book he needs.

While many books are offered for the CEO who aims to survive the cutthroat competition of the corporate jungle, not a single one offers to help those same CEOs when the law catches up with them. That is, until now.

This book offers valuable advice for those executives who have cooked the books, and now find themselves paying the price. Borowitz covers all aspects of prison life, from exit strategies (prison-break tips) to ways of keeping the business acumen sharp (how to make the Warden your most valuable employee) to prison cell feng shui and even self-defense (how to use this book as a deadly weapon). Convicted corporate executives should look at this time spent in prison as an opportunity, rather than a disadvantage. New business contacts can be established, new management strategies tested-time can even be spent working on the golf game so it says sharp for ten, twenty, however many years.
Direct from Bernie Madoff's cellmate, Who Moved My Soap? The CEO's Guide to Surviving in Prison is loaded with helpful tips, including:

  • Complete Corporate-Speak/Prison Slang Glossary
  • How to earn $$$ making vanity license plates
  • Trophy wives, and how to avoid becoming one
  • How to avoid getting back-stabbed literally

  • Don't forget, Who Moved My Soap? will be both small enough to fit in the pocket of your prison uniform, but also thick enough to hollow out and hide cigarettes in!

    Who Moved My Soap? is a must read for any white collar criminal. CEOs headed to the Big House will now have something to read to help them pass the time. It's also a must read for those of us who were fleeced by them.

    Die Inhaltsangabe kann sich auf eine andere Ausgabe dieses Titels beziehen.

    Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

    Andy Borowitz is an award-winning comedian and New York Times bestselling author. He grew up in Cleveland, Ohio, and graduated from Harvard College, where he became President of the Harvard Lampoon. In 1998, he began contributing humor to The New Yorker’s “Shouts & Murmurs” and “Talk of the Town” departments, and in 2001, he created “The Borowitz Report,” a satirical news column, which has millions of readers around the world. In 2012, The New Yorker began publishing “The Borowitz Report.” As a storyteller, he hosted “Stories at the Moth” from 1999 to 2009. As a comedian, he has played to sold-out venues around the world, including during his national tour, “Make America Not Embarrassing Again,” from 2018 to 2020. He is the first-ever winner of the National Press Club’s humor award. He lives with his family in New Hampshire.

    Auszug. © Genehmigter Nachdruck. Alle Rechte vorbehalten.

    Chapter One:

    Put Your Hands in the Air and Step Away from the Desk

    If you're a convicted CEO who's heading to prison for the first time, let me just say this: You should be totally stoked. A trip to the slammer could be the best career move you ever made, and after a few weeks behind bars, you'll be kicking yourself for not getting convicted sooner.

    Surprised? I thought you might be. You've probably bought into the conventional wisdom that a prison sentence is some kind of "punishment," a fate to be avoided at all costs. Well, you won't see me slicing that brand of baloney. If you follow the simple advice in this book, you'll discover what successful CEO convicts everywhere already know: If time is money, then hard time is hard cash.

    Are you drinking the Kool-Aid yet? If not, perhaps a few facts will change your mind:

    Thanks to the rising tide of corporate scandals, former CEOs are pouring into America's penitentiaries in record numbers, the biggest migration of white-collar criminals into the penal system since the fall of the Nixon administration. Within the next five years, one out of four CEOs in the United States will be convicted and sent to jail, while another one out of four will flee the country in a single-engine plane with gold coins and priceless diamonds sewn into his underpants. Still another one out of four will plea-bargain his way into performing community service, such as teaching inner city youths and the elderly how to destroy incriminating documents and create fictitious off-the-books partnerships.

    But that still leaves a whole lot of CEOs heading up the river -- good news for you, because you'll be far from alone. Once you're in prison, if you look to your right, and then to your left, your chances of recognizing someone from your business school class will be better than 50 percent, and even better than that if you went to Harvard. According to a recent study, prison construction
    in the United States is lagging well behind the pace of CEO convictions, and by the end of the decade there will be as many as one hundred thousand CEOs behind bars -- roughly ten thousand times the number of people who are looking forward to the next Meg Ryan film.

    Will prison change these chief executive offenders? Based on anecdotal evidence, just the opposite is occurring. With each passing day, these "barbarians at the prison gate" are reinventing prison as we know it, turning up their noses at such outmoded goals of incarceration as "rehabilitation" and "paying one's debt to society." Being thrown in a cell hasn't kept them from thinking outside the box -- far from it. When an incarcerated CEO wakes up in the morning, he doesn't see the concrete walls, the barbed wire, or the ferocious guard dogs -- he sees an ideal place to grow a new business, far from the prying eyes of the SEC and the Department of Justice. The inmate of yesteryear was always looking for a fight; today's convicted CEO is in search of excellence.

    So before you head off to the pokey, get over that shopworn myth about prison being a bad thing. If you're smart enough and savvy enough -- and the fact that you've bought this book is a pretty good sign that you are both -- you'll emerge from your time in the joint more productive, more innovative, and millions of dollars wealthier than you were on the day that the prison guard first checked you for lice.

    Not buying this? I know what you're thinking: I'm just another slick con man, primed to sell you a bill of goods and make out like a bandit.

    Well, guess again: I'm a convicted CEO myself.

    That's right. And I'm not just some run-of-the-mill, caught-with-his-hands-in-the-cookie-jar CEO, either: Just last year, Forbes named me one of "America's Top 100 Convicted CEOs," putting my police mug shot on the cover of that esteemed publication. Yes, Forbes gave me my "props," and in the select fraternity of imprisoned chief executives, it doesn't get any better than that.

    I can tell you still have your doubts. "If he's so important," you say, your words slurred by the cocktail of antidepressants and tranquilizers you've been on ever since your verdict was announced, "why did he even bother to write this book?" A good question that deserves a good answer -- and this time, for a change, I won't take the Fifth.

    Before I took my first fateful ride on the so-called "dog bus" to prison, shackled to a fellow convict who had a picture of the cast of "The Facts of Life" tattooed on his back, I paid a visit to my local bookstore, hoping to find some reference work that might help ease my transition from CEO to CBO (Cell Block Occupant). What did I find there? Cookbooks. Cat books. Book after book of poetry by the pop singer Jewel, all drastically reduced. But nowhere did I find a book preparing the former CEO for his stay in prison, even though convicted CEOs represent the fastest-growing segment of the reading public today. I vowed with all my heart to correct this sad state of affairs, and once I received assurances from my attorney that the thousands of shareholders currently engaged in class-action lawsuits against me could claim no share of my publishing royalties, I buckled down and began to write.

    Writing a book while in prison is not an easy task. When an inmate in the cell next to mine started screaming, "Press the bunk, punk!!!" at the top of his lungs, I could not ask him to keep it down; when I dropped my pen on the floor, I was afraid to pick it up. Yet, somehow, I prevailed, and you are now holding the fruits of my efforts in your sweaty, trembling hands.

    If you're a CEO who's been caught, this is the one book you won't want to be caught without. I hope this book is helpful as you trade your pinstripes for horizontal ones. I hope this book is long enough to answer your most pressing questions, short enough to hold your attention, yet thick enough to hollow out and hide a small weapon in. Read it, study it, learn from it -- and for heaven's sake, don't skim it. After all, you're not going anywhere.

    U.S. Penitentiary Lomax, Cell Block Six

    Lomax, Alabama

    January 2003

    Copyright © 2003 by Andy Borowitz

    „Über diesen Titel“ kann sich auf eine andere Ausgabe dieses Titels beziehen.

    • VerlagSimon & Schuster
    • Erscheinungsdatum2003
    • ISBN 10 0743251423
    • ISBN 13 9780743251426
    • EinbandTapa blanda
    • SpracheEnglisch
    • Anzahl der Seiten96
    • Kontakt zum HerstellerNicht verfügbar

    Gebraucht kaufen

    Zustand: Gut
    Gut/Very good: Buch bzw. Schutzumschlag...
    Diesen Artikel anzeigen

    Gratis für den Versand innerhalb von/der Deutschland

    Versandziele, Kosten & Dauer

    Gratis für den Versand innerhalb von/der Deutschland

    Versandziele, Kosten & Dauer

    Weitere beliebte Ausgaben desselben Titels

    9780684020815: [(Who Moved My Soap?: The Ceo's Guide to Surviving in Prison )] [Author: Andy Borowitz] [Jun-2003]

    Vorgestellte Ausgabe

    ISBN 10:  0684020815 ISBN 13:  9780684020815
    Softcover

    Suchergebnisse für Who Moved My Soap?: The CEO's Guide to Surviving...

    Beispielbild für diese ISBN

    Borowitz, Andy
    Verlag: Simon & Schuster, 2003
    ISBN 10: 0743251423 ISBN 13: 9780743251426
    Gebraucht Softcover

    Anbieter: medimops, Berlin, Deutschland

    Verkäuferbewertung 5 von 5 Sternen 5 Sterne, Erfahren Sie mehr über Verkäufer-Bewertungen

    Zustand: very good. Gut/Very good: Buch bzw. Schutzumschlag mit wenigen Gebrauchsspuren an Einband, Schutzumschlag oder Seiten. / Describes a book or dust jacket that does show some signs of wear on either the binding, dust jacket or pages. Artikel-Nr. M00743251423-V

    Verkäufer kontaktieren

    Gebraucht kaufen

    EUR 6,67
    Währung umrechnen
    Versand: Gratis
    Innerhalb Deutschlands
    Versandziele, Kosten & Dauer

    Anzahl: 1 verfügbar

    In den Warenkorb

    Beispielbild für diese ISBN

    Borowitz, Andy
    Verlag: Simon & Schuster, 2003
    ISBN 10: 0743251423 ISBN 13: 9780743251426
    Gebraucht Paperback

    Anbieter: ThriftBooks-Dallas, Dallas, TX, USA

    Verkäuferbewertung 5 von 5 Sternen 5 Sterne, Erfahren Sie mehr über Verkäufer-Bewertungen

    Paperback. Zustand: Good. No Jacket. Pages can have notes/highlighting. Spine may show signs of wear. ~ ThriftBooks: Read More, Spend Less 0.24. Artikel-Nr. G0743251423I3N00

    Verkäufer kontaktieren

    Gebraucht kaufen

    EUR 5,74
    Währung umrechnen
    Versand: EUR 1,59
    Von USA nach Deutschland
    Versandziele, Kosten & Dauer

    Anzahl: 1 verfügbar

    In den Warenkorb

    Beispielbild für diese ISBN

    Borowitz, Andy
    Verlag: Simon & Schuster, 2003
    ISBN 10: 0743251423 ISBN 13: 9780743251426
    Gebraucht Paperback

    Anbieter: ThriftBooks-Atlanta, AUSTELL, GA, USA

    Verkäuferbewertung 5 von 5 Sternen 5 Sterne, Erfahren Sie mehr über Verkäufer-Bewertungen

    Paperback. Zustand: Very Good. No Jacket. May have limited writing in cover pages. Pages are unmarked. ~ ThriftBooks: Read More, Spend Less 0.24. Artikel-Nr. G0743251423I4N00

    Verkäufer kontaktieren

    Gebraucht kaufen

    EUR 5,74
    Währung umrechnen
    Versand: EUR 1,59
    Von USA nach Deutschland
    Versandziele, Kosten & Dauer

    Anzahl: 1 verfügbar

    In den Warenkorb

    Beispielbild für diese ISBN

    Borowitz, Andy
    Verlag: Simon & Schuster, 2003
    ISBN 10: 0743251423 ISBN 13: 9780743251426
    Gebraucht Paperback

    Anbieter: ThriftBooks-Dallas, Dallas, TX, USA

    Verkäuferbewertung 5 von 5 Sternen 5 Sterne, Erfahren Sie mehr über Verkäufer-Bewertungen

    Paperback. Zustand: Very Good. No Jacket. May have limited writing in cover pages. Pages are unmarked. ~ ThriftBooks: Read More, Spend Less 0.24. Artikel-Nr. G0743251423I4N00

    Verkäufer kontaktieren

    Gebraucht kaufen

    EUR 5,74
    Währung umrechnen
    Versand: EUR 1,59
    Von USA nach Deutschland
    Versandziele, Kosten & Dauer

    Anzahl: 1 verfügbar

    In den Warenkorb

    Beispielbild für diese ISBN

    Borowitz, Andy
    Verlag: Simon & Schuster, 2003
    ISBN 10: 0743251423 ISBN 13: 9780743251426
    Gebraucht Paperback

    Anbieter: WorldofBooks, Goring-By-Sea, WS, Vereinigtes Königreich

    Verkäuferbewertung 5 von 5 Sternen 5 Sterne, Erfahren Sie mehr über Verkäufer-Bewertungen

    Paperback. Zustand: Very Good. The book has been read, but is in excellent condition. Pages are intact and not marred by notes or highlighting. The spine remains undamaged. Artikel-Nr. GOR002040125

    Verkäufer kontaktieren

    Gebraucht kaufen

    EUR 3,39
    Währung umrechnen
    Versand: EUR 4,14
    Von Vereinigtes Königreich nach Deutschland
    Versandziele, Kosten & Dauer

    Anzahl: 3 verfügbar

    In den Warenkorb

    Beispielbild für diese ISBN

    Borowitz, Andy
    Verlag: Simon & Schuster, 2003
    ISBN 10: 0743251423 ISBN 13: 9780743251426
    Gebraucht Paperback

    Anbieter: WorldofBooks, Goring-By-Sea, WS, Vereinigtes Königreich

    Verkäuferbewertung 5 von 5 Sternen 5 Sterne, Erfahren Sie mehr über Verkäufer-Bewertungen

    Paperback. Zustand: Good. The book has been read but remains in clean condition. All pages are intact and the cover is intact. Some minor wear to the spine. Artikel-Nr. GOR002610277

    Verkäufer kontaktieren

    Gebraucht kaufen

    EUR 3,39
    Währung umrechnen
    Versand: EUR 4,14
    Von Vereinigtes Königreich nach Deutschland
    Versandziele, Kosten & Dauer

    Anzahl: 1 verfügbar

    In den Warenkorb

    Beispielbild für diese ISBN

    Borowitz, Andy
    Verlag: Simon & Schuster, 2003
    ISBN 10: 0743251423 ISBN 13: 9780743251426
    Gebraucht Softcover

    Anbieter: Better World Books, Mishawaka, IN, USA

    Verkäuferbewertung 5 von 5 Sternen 5 Sterne, Erfahren Sie mehr über Verkäufer-Bewertungen

    Zustand: As New. Original. Used book that is in almost brand-new condition. Artikel-Nr. 46659375-6

    Verkäufer kontaktieren

    Gebraucht kaufen

    EUR 5,89
    Währung umrechnen
    Versand: EUR 5,31
    Von USA nach Deutschland
    Versandziele, Kosten & Dauer

    Anzahl: 1 verfügbar

    In den Warenkorb

    Beispielbild für diese ISBN

    Borowitz, Andy
    Verlag: Simon & Schuster, 2003
    ISBN 10: 0743251423 ISBN 13: 9780743251426
    Gebraucht Softcover

    Anbieter: Better World Books, Mishawaka, IN, USA

    Verkäuferbewertung 5 von 5 Sternen 5 Sterne, Erfahren Sie mehr über Verkäufer-Bewertungen

    Zustand: Very Good. Original. Used book that is in excellent condition. May show signs of wear or have minor defects. Artikel-Nr. GRP73781536

    Verkäufer kontaktieren

    Gebraucht kaufen

    EUR 5,89
    Währung umrechnen
    Versand: EUR 5,31
    Von USA nach Deutschland
    Versandziele, Kosten & Dauer

    Anzahl: 2 verfügbar

    In den Warenkorb

    Foto des Verkäufers

    Borowitz, Andy
    Verlag: Simon & Schuster, 2003
    ISBN 10: 0743251423 ISBN 13: 9780743251426
    Neu Softcover

    Anbieter: moluna, Greven, Deutschland

    Verkäuferbewertung 5 von 5 Sternen 5 Sterne, Erfahren Sie mehr über Verkäufer-Bewertungen

    Zustand: New. &Uumlber den AutorAndy BorowitzInhaltsverzeichnisrnrnTable of Contents1. Put Your Hands in the Air and Step Away from the Desk2. From the Big Board to the Big House3. Trading One Gated . Artikel-Nr. 447049971

    Verkäufer kontaktieren

    Neu kaufen

    EUR 19,41
    Währung umrechnen
    Versand: Gratis
    Innerhalb Deutschlands
    Versandziele, Kosten & Dauer

    Anzahl: Mehr als 20 verfügbar

    In den Warenkorb

    Beispielbild für diese ISBN

    Borowitz, Andy
    Verlag: Simon & Schuster, 2003
    ISBN 10: 0743251423 ISBN 13: 9780743251426
    Neu Softcover

    Anbieter: Ria Christie Collections, Uxbridge, Vereinigtes Königreich

    Verkäuferbewertung 5 von 5 Sternen 5 Sterne, Erfahren Sie mehr über Verkäufer-Bewertungen

    Zustand: New. In. Artikel-Nr. ria9780743251426_new

    Verkäufer kontaktieren

    Neu kaufen

    EUR 14,73
    Währung umrechnen
    Versand: EUR 5,90
    Von Vereinigtes Königreich nach Deutschland
    Versandziele, Kosten & Dauer

    Anzahl: Mehr als 20 verfügbar

    In den Warenkorb

    Es gibt 2 weitere Exemplare dieses Buches

    Alle Suchergebnisse ansehen