Stand Up for Your Life: A Practical Step-by-Step Plan to Build Inner Confidence and Personal Power - Softcover

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Cheryl Richardson is the author of the New York Times bestsellers Take Time for Your Life, Life Makeovers, and Stand Up for Your Life. As a professional coach and speaker, her work has been covered widely in the media, including the Today show, Good Morning America, The New York Times, and O, The Oprah Magazine. Cheryl led the Lifestyle Makeover Series on The Oprah Winfrey Show and accompanied Ms. Winfrey on the "Live Your Best Life" nationwide tour. She lives in Massachusetts.

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Introduction

For years I felt haunted by a persistent inner voice that told me I was meant to do more with my life. Although I earned a good living and enjoyed the company of family and friends, I felt restless and unsatisfied. There was so much I wanted to do with my life but lacked the courage and confidence to take action. At the prompting of a good friend who referred me to her therapist, I finally reached out for help.

As I sat in his office waiting for my first appointment, my eyes stopped at a cartoon hanging on the wall. It was Snoopy, Charlie Brown's dog from the Peanuts comic strip, struggling to balance a doghouse on his back. The caption below the cartoon read: "There's nothing heavier than the burden of potential." As I stared at that message I started to cry. I too felt burdened by my unrealized potential. I was bursting with energy and desire but lacked the skills to channel it in the right direction.

Once I realized that I could release this burden by taking specific actions to build my confidence and self esteem I got to work. Using the gift of guidance and a whole new action plan, I set about making the changes that allowed my true self to emerge. With each tough choice and courageous step I slowly learned to trust and act on the wisdom of my inner voice. As I did, my life began to change in ways I never would have imagined. Yours can too. In this book I'll offer you a step-by-step plan to unlock and use your greatest potential. As you do, you'll not only give birth to an amazing life, you'll be given an opportunity to help others do the same. To begin, you need only consider the possibilities...

What would your life be like if you had the courage and emotional strength to overcome self-doubt, fear, or concern for what others say about you? Think about it. How would your relationships change? Would you stay at your current job? Are there any big moves you'd feel liberated to make? How would your life be different?

From my work with thousands of people, I know that many feel as though they're living a life scripted or prescribed by others. They long to break out of their self-imposed limitations and lead their own lives, but they lack the courage and confidence to do so. The situations are varied. For example, one client who had a successful career in health care said: "I'm dying to start my own restaurant, but I'm afraid of disappointing my father by leaving the family business." Another told me: "Every day I fantasize about traveling throughout Europe, but I keep putting off my plans because I'm too afraid to step outside of my comfort zone." And one mom, echoing the longings of many, said, "I know that my child's welfare comes first, but I can't help feeling that there's something more I'm meant to do with my life."

I understand these yearnings. For years I let fear and self-doubt rule my life, too afraid to step out on my own and follow my true desires. I designed my life according to the blueprints of others. I made people-pleasing a full-time career, trusted the advice of friends before my own, and sabotaged my success each time I came too close to doing something other than what others thought I should do. It wasn't until I faced the truth of how attached I was to the opinions of everyone else that I realized how clueless I was about my own.

If you feel as though your life revolves around the needs or expectations of others, here's an important message for you to hear:

You have deep within you the power to fulfill your highest vision of your life. To engage this power you must develop a solid personal relationship with yourself. By doing so, you'll tap into a wealth of inner strength that will allow you to take the necessary actions that build confidence and self-esteem. When you learn to stop hiding your power and use fear to your advantage, you'll become less attached to what others want for you and more attached to what you want for yourself. As this shift occurs, you'll naturally begin to lead a more authentic and passionate life.

Where do you begin when you decide to stand up for your life? The first step is to develop self-awareness. How you handle your day-to-day reality holds clues to the ways you deny your feelings and needs, weaken your emotional strength, and allow others to direct your life. To see what I mean, read through the following list and put a check mark next to the statements that are true for you:

____ I have responsibilities that prevent me from doing what I really want.

____ Though I schedule time for myself, I often end up canceling it to accommodate someone else's needs.

____ I tend to care too much about what others think of me.

____ Each time I get close to success, I do something to sabotage my progress.

____ When faced with any decision, I immediately call several people for input.

____ When someone hurts my feelings, I keep my mouth shut and later fantasize about what I could have said.

____ I often say yes when I mean no.

____ I take things personally and feel easily affected by others.

____ I feel like I'm not living up to my fullest potential.

____ When speaking with others, I often downplay my knowledge to avoid seeming arrogant.

____ I'm afraid to out-succeed my parents.

____ I have a nagging sense that something is missing from my life.

____ When I'm upset with someone I'd rather talk myself out of it than confront the person with the issue.

____ I have a secret desire that I've never admitted to anyone.

____ When someone neglects to follow through on a promise, I quietly brood and do it myself.

____ I long to find my passion or purpose in life.

If you've checked off even one of these statements, read on...

Over the last several years I've listened closely to the needs of my readers. By talking with them during live workshops, communicating electronically with my on-line community, conducting teleconferencing discussions, and leading the Lifestyle Makeover series for the Oprah Winfrey Show, I've met men and women from all walks of life. I've seen the epidemic of frustration and despair.

Parents, homemakers, corporate employees, business owners, artists, and students alike all struggle with the same questions:

? How do I learn to speak up and honor my needs without feeling selfish?

? Where do I find the courage to make the changes I know I need to make in spite of the reactions of others?

? How can I overcome the self-defeating behaviors that make me feel stuck?

? Is there a way to set boundaries without damaging my relationships or feeling guilty?

? How can I stay motivated and stop sabotaging my success?

? How do I find my life purpose -- some kind of meaning or direction for my life?

These questions represent the inner challenges we all face as we attempt to find satisfaction in our lives. In my first two books, Take Time for Your Life and Life Makeovers, I offered practical strategies that allowed readers to begin reclaiming their lives. By practicing the basics of good self-care and tackling those areas that were causing the most stress -- cluttered environments, poor financial health, or nonstop, draining to-do lists -- many of you joined me in a plan to take more control of your lives. As you set about making these outer changes you may have bumped up against inner changes that needed to be made as well. For example, you may have wanted a way to deal with your guilty feelings as you made your needs more of a priority. Or you may have needed a strategy to handle your fear as you took bold steps to pursue a lifelong dream. Maybe you felt incapable of handling the inevitable conflict that would occur as a result of making a decision to take control of your life.

When you decide to improve the...