How We Love Workbook, Expanded Edition: Making Deeper Connections in Marriage - Softcover

Yerkovich, Milan; Yerkovich, Kay

 
9780735290891: How We Love Workbook, Expanded Edition: Making Deeper Connections in Marriage
Softcover
ISBN 10: 073529089X ISBN 13: 9780735290891
Verlag: PRH Christian Publishing, 2017

Inhaltsangabe

Unlock the secrets to a thriving marriage with this practical and insightful workbook for couples seeking to understand how they can heal and strengthen their relationship.
 
What Determines How You Love?

Each of us relates to our spouse based on how we experienced love as a child. In this expanded and enhanced companion workbook to How We Love, relationship experts Milan and Kay Yerkovich offer assessments and conversation starters to help you and your spouse identify your relational patterns and realize how they are affecting you now. Their solution-focused tools help you:

• understand why your spouse relates to you the way he or she does
• learn how to break free from the barriers that make you feel stuck 
• see the connection between your personal love style and your childhood 
• follow specific, clear goals to create a thriving marriage 
• ask and answer questions strategically with your spouse

The Yerkoviches have helped thousands of couples around the world heal and renew their relationships. This eminently practical guide will take your marriage to the new level of intimacy you’ve always wanted.

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Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Milan and Kay Yerkovich are counselors with decades of experience. Milan is a cohost of New Life Live! with Stephen Arterburn. He holds a master’s degree in biblical studies and is the founder of the counseling center Relationship 180. Kay has a master’s degree in counseling and specializes in couples attachment therapy. The Yerkoviches are the parents of four adult children. They make their home in southern California.

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How to Get the Most out of This Workbook
 

Whether it’s a doctor’s accurate diagnosis or a sudden revelation about a knotty problem, insight usually offers immediate comfort, but don’t stop there. The important insight offered in How We Love, for instance, is merely head knowledge about the ways the experiences of our early years influence our adult relationships. And while the influences of our past can definitely help explain the difficulties we encounter in marriage, unless we’re willing to commit to changing the areas of our lives that most need it, the information alone changes nothing.
  

Put differently, genuine change requires a commitment to growth. It means we will feel awkward, inadequate, and uncomfortable. It means we will have to work hard. It means we will have to fight against our resistance to change. The alternative, though, is to remain stuck right where we are in our relationships. And, folks, that is painful too. Either way, we’ll experience discomfort and distress. Why not choose constructive discomfort? That’s what we’re offering in this workbook: the experience of constructive, beneficial discomfort! The trade-off of current uneasiness for the awkward pain of growth is the promise of future relief. In fact, in this book you will find hope for new levels of emerging security, trust, and intimacy in your marriage as well as healing from your injured love style. This love style, or imprint of intimacy, which was learned in your family of origin, has been controlling you for many years, and for most of us, it has adversely affected our capacity to successfully give and receive love.
 
 
The instruction in this workbook is all about improving your primary human relationship, your connection to your spouse. Although you’d certainly benefit from using this workbook on your own, we’ve intentionally designed it to be most useful for couples. There are also specific exercises for a group setting. Applying these insights in relationship is the only way to truly change how you love. Groups not only help you feel less alone in your struggles, they also provide encouragement and support as you hear other people’s similar—and contrasting—experiences. Some questions may be distressing, so having your small group’s support throughout this process will help you feel less overwhelmed. A small group can also encourage you to process your feelings and thoughts as you grow and change. The added bonus of accountability is that someone will know whether you complete the assignments and can help you persevere on the path of change.
 
 
You may find this workbook a bit different from others. Some pages—even some questions—will require more than a week to cover. That’s okay! Give yourself the time you need to thoughtfully consider your answers. The time you spend reflecting on and evaluating your personal imprint, the core pattern of your marriage, and your progress toward change, is time well spent. Whether you work through this book with your spouse, a small group, or even alone, you will only grow and change according to the time and effort you put into answering the questions. There is much to discover about how you love, so be patient and know that real growth takes time. This workbook will be a good guide, but you are responsible for your own growth. We’ve intended for you to use this workbook along with a journal to record your thoughts and feelings as you interact with the questions. You may also find that you have different and surprising answers after you’ve gone through the exercises several times. That’s a sign of growth!
 
 
If you are currently single, consider holding off on a new relationship until you can complete the exercises and develop the new habits in this workbook. Not only will you gain insights into your ability to choose an emotionally healthy mate, you will also acquire new levels of awareness that will help you become a better mate.
 
 
If your spouse is resistant to going through the material with you, forge ahead alone. In time, your new understanding and skills will have an effect upon your core pattern and will likely begin to gain your spouse’s attention. Change yourself and see what happens.
 
 
Christian leaders take heart. Estimates show that one in three Christian leaders finishes well, yet the courage that brought you where you are right now will help as you invest in these tools and learn to resist the gradual erosion of your marriage as you serve the Lord.
 
 
As you look intently at your past and present relationships, you may experience uncomfortable levels of emotional distress. If you feel overwhelmed and find yourself struggling to know how to handle your feelings, it is important that you call a professional therapist. As that person walks alongside you for a season, he or she will be familiar with the questions and personal reflection we have suggested in this book and will bring a measure of security to you and your spouse. There is also low-cost help available through local county programs, churches, and nonprofit organizations. Our sincere hope and prayer is that you’ll stay motivated to continually dig deeper into your past as you begin to see positive changes from your efforts. This book and workbook are our personal journey. Believe us, the work is worth it! Make the investment in yourself and your marriage so you can indeed finish well. God bless you on your journey!
 
 
Why Every Marriage Gets Stuck
 
 
In chapter 1 we talked about nagging problems that grab our attention and keep us from getting to the roots of problems. Perhaps you are like us and have made symptoms the focal point of your efforts to improve your marriage. Describe some of the chronic irritations and patterns that remain unresolved.
 
 
We shared two truths in chapter 1. The first was that the close proximity of your partner triggers old feelings because you look to your spouse to meet some of the same needs your parents were supposed to meet. That means your marriage problems did not start in your marriage. What bothers you most about your spouse is undoubtedly related to painful experiences from his or her childhood or to the lack of training that would have prepared your mate and you to face the challenges of marriage. Without accusing or blaming, write down which of your spouse’s attitudes or behaviors bothers you most.
 
 
What is your spouse’s biggest complaint about you? Ask him or her if you’re not sure.
 
 
The second truth in chapter 1 is this: You will never truly know yourself or your mate until you understand how each of you was shaped by your childhood experiences. Write about and discuss some key memories (especially relational hurts) that might relate to or have been the cause of the irritating traits you just wrote about.
 
 
Now take some time to write your answers to the following questions. These answers may help you better determine what is at the root of your marriage problems.
 
 
Do you fight about the same old subject over and over? Identify the topic and describe the usual fight. What are each partner’s behaviors and beliefs?
 
 
Jot down any insights about how childhood wounds may be at the root of the behaviors and beliefs that fuel repetitive problems. (If this is too challenging, don’t worry, as there is help ahead.)
 
 
A great starting place for our journey is the prayer Jesus prayed for you in John 17. Look at verses 20–23. What does Jesus pray for...

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Verlag
PRH Christian Publishing
Erscheinungsdatum
2017
Sprache
Englisch
ISBN 10 
073529089X
ISBN 13 
9780735290891
Einband
Taschenbuch
Anzahl der Seiten
208
Kontakt zum Hersteller
Nicht verfügbar
Verantwortliche Person
Nicht verfügbar

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