Magic Words: The Science and Secrets Behind Seven Words That Motivate, Engage, and Influence - Hardcover

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Tim David was a professional magician for eight years, giving more than 300 live performances per year. He continues to practice and teach magic and in 2010 he was named the “Top Mentalist in North America”. His popular YouTube channel has received over 4 million views and his students hail from more than 70 countries around the world.

Now Tim is focused on helping sales professionals, managers and leaders, negotiators, and law enforcement become more effective and persuasive communicators. He presents more than 100 keynotes and trainings each year in addition to his audio programs, ebooks, and online training programs. His clients include 3M, Bayer, Verizon, Citizen's Bank, Travelers, Burger King, and many others. Visit him at TimDavidSpeaks.com and on Twitter @timdavidmagic.

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INTRODUCTION

There is a problem we find in our governments, in our schools, and in our families. It affects every country in the world and every citizen in them. We invest years of our lives and billions of dollars in an attempt to solve it. Big companies battle it. Nonprofits dread it. Entrepreneurs study solutions to it. In fact, it’s taunting me right now as you read this. It’s big. It’s everywhere. And I don’t see it going away on its own anytime soon.

HERE ARE SOME EXAMPLES OF IT . . .

The biggest problem in the world?

Not being able to get people to do stuff.

Solve this problem and you can solve anything. If more parents could motivate their children and effectively lead them into adulthood, if more teachers could inspire and engage their students, if more doctors could influence their patients toward greater health, then this world would be a better place.

To do anything of any significance on this planet, you need an army. If you want to create lasting change or do “real and permanent good,” as Andrew Carnegie espoused, then you need to motivate a movement. I don’t care if you want to start a business, or a nonprofit organization, or a family. It doesn’t matter if you want to make a movie, write a book, or go to Mars. You can’t do it alone. It’s pretty hard to be a leader if no one is following. If you want to move mountains, then you need to be able to move people.

THE STANDARD SOLUTIONS

Most people try to motivate others by begging, bribing, and reasoning them to death. When that doesn’t work, they get desperate and start nagging, manipulating, or deceiving to get the results they want.

They believe that “getting to yes” is the only goal of their communication. In reality, that’s not good enough. Not only do we want people to say “yes” to us, but we want them to follow through and DO what they promised.

This is a book about words that turn into action. It’s about motivating employees, engaging students, starting movements, empowering children, helping customers, and becoming an influential leader. In short, it’s about getting people to do stuff.

Kind of.

I should start right away with the big secret of getting people to do stuff. It’s simple and yet paradoxical.

You can’t.

Getting people to do stuff is the goal, not the process. If you try to motivate people directly, you will fail. Anyone who has ever tried to change someone’s behavior knows this to be painfully true.

As best-selling author Daniel Pink says, “Motivation is not something we do to other people.” The old adage goes, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.” However, you can make him thirsty.

Motivation and influence are about creating conditions where the human brain becomes “thirsty” in such a way that the body follows. The great news is that the vast majority of brains are already thirsty in some way. They are going through life with a series of wants, needs, and desires. You just have to drill down, find their motivation, and tap into it. When you do that, watch out! Your biggest problem will not be generating motivation, but directing it.

The seven magic words in this book aren’t just words. Their roots touch the deep needs that every person has. Saying “because” is about establishing purpose. Saying “yes” displays acceptance. Using a person’s name shows significance. These are deeply human drives that we all share. They connect us.

In order for any communication to get results—whether it’s a magic trick I’m performing on the stage, or a sales pitch you’re giving in the boardroom—it must begin with an elusive little thing called human connection.

Human connection is the soil where “getting people to do stuff” grows. Get this piece right and you can mess up in a lot of other areas and still get results. Get this piece wrong and the game is over before you’ve even begun.

When teachers are truly connected with their students, learning happens. When doctors are truly connected with their patients, healing happens. When companies are truly connected with their customers, business happens.

A SKILL IN CRISIS

While the quantity of human interaction has been skyrocketing, the quality of human connection has been dissolving.

Social psychologist Sara Konrath believes that it’s no coincidence. Her research numbers are shocking.

A growing number of studies . . . over the past three decades have found decreases in empathic concern (i.e., sympathy for the misfortunes of others) along with increases in narcissism.

This pattern of decreasing empathy and increasing self-centeredness has led us to a situation where “getting people to do stuff” is all about us and our own motivations instead of about them and their motivations. It’s no wonder we’ve gotten so bad at it.

So the greatest problem in the world requires the greatest solution in the world: an immediate and widespread increase in human connection.

And words are a darn good place to start.

In 1967, UCLA professor Albert Mehrabian published two now-famous research papers that made a very bold claim. Only 7 percent of what we communicate to others has anything to do with the words that we say; the rest is transmitted through our vocal tone and body language (38 percent and 55 percent, respectively).

The phrase “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it” has since reached cliché status. Over the last five decades, “experts” have been brandishing this statistic as a means of selling their books or getting you to attend their body language seminars. This concept has been all but beaten into our heads—and often by people who don’t fully understand what the original study actually found.

If you believe their interpretation of Mehrabian’s study, then you should be able to watch a show in Spanish and understand 93 percent of what is going on from vocal tone and body language alone—even if you don’t speak Spanish!

It doesn’t work that way.

Here’s what Mehrabian himself said: “Unless a communicator is talking about their feelings or attitudes, these equations are not applicable.”

This explains why non-Spanish-speaking people can watch a Spanish TV show and accurately perceive the emotions that the characters are portraying.

However, words aren’t completely devoid of emotion either. As...