Identity

The real you is better than the false you. Be true to yourself.

Every morning when Alexis woke up, she felt the same familiar pressure.

Pressure to dress up.

Pressure to look stunning.

Pressure to be perfect, flawless, and amazing.

There was a time when Alexis enjoyed getting ready for school. She loved trying the newest makeup tutorial, styling her hair, and putting together new outfits.

But now? Now it all felt like a chore. As soon as Alexis opened her eyes, a familiar dread set in. She was tired of all the effort required to live up to her image. She was tired of the lifestyle she'd inadvertently created for herself.

Her gripe sounded so shallow and vain, and that's why Alexis didn't discuss this with anyone. Who wanted to hear the supposed "It" girl complain about the time and energy it took to meet everyone's expectations? Even her mom couldn't help because she would just tell Alexis to drop her morning routine if it no longer made her happy.

But Alexis was scared to drop it because then people might drop her. And despite what her grades in chemistry suggested, Alexis wasn't dumb. She knew why boys paid attention to her. She understood why girls sought her advice, copied her style, and wanted to be her friend.

In matters of beauty and fashion, Alexis was the expert. And though she wasn't sure how she'd earned this reputation or when she'd become the school trendsetter, she did like being known for something. It felt good to have people respect her opinion, listen to her, and anxiously await her arrival at events to see what look she'd pulled off this time.

Being the "It" girl had been fun, but Alexis was over it. All the compliments and praise were starting to sound empty and trite. Deep down, she longed for more. She knew change was in order, but she questioned whether she could handle the consequences.

After all, right now she was a Somebody. And altering the lifestyle that seemed to work for everyone but her might make her a Nobody.

Alexis also wondered if turning over a new leaf was even possible. Would anyone take her seriously if she talked less about the hot new nail polish and more about dreams, hopes, and goals? What if her friends wanted the old Alexis back? What if they found the new Alexis dull and boring?

In some weird, unexplainable way, Alexis felt like a prisoner in her own body. She was trapped in a routine out of habit and fear, helpless until the day she would become brave enough to finally break the cycle.

Her dream was to wake up one morning with her mind and body at ease. She wanted relief from these bells and whistles that others expected from her and the courage to be her most honest, natural self.

The Truth About Identity

If you think about it, you can become almost anyone you want to be. You can take on any identity imaginable. The possibilities are endless.

It's freeing to have so many choices, isn't it? Yet at the same time, the number of choices can be overwhelming. Sometimes you need help narrowing down the options. You need a starting point and some clues to point you in the right direction and create a vision for your life.

Typically, your search for identity begins in your immediate environment. You watch your parents and think about, and perhaps copy, what you see. You look at the people around you and make mental notes about what they value, the choices they make, who they form relationships with, and how happy — or terrible — their lives seem.

You may also look at popular culture and your current favorite celebrities. Whoever you're drawn to, whoever inspires you, whoever you relate to most — these tend to become the role models who you notice, study, and emulate.

Throughout your identity-searching process, you'll ask yourself questions. Your questions may sound like these as you try to decode your inner mystery:

* Who do I want to be like?

* Who do I not want to be like?

* Whose life looks appealing?

* Whose life does not look appealing?

* Who shares my passions?

* Whose footsteps would I like to follow?

* Who do I have a lot in common with?

* Who can I see myself becoming?

At some point in this process, another dynamic comes into play. You begin picking up on how other people perceive you and receive you. You draw conclusions about what they think of you by the way they talk to you, treat you, and see you.

This external feedback plays a huge role in shaping your self-image. For better or for worse, you're likely to internalize what you hear as well as the messages people convey through verbal and nonverbal clues.

* That girl said I'm beautiful. I must be a beautiful person.

* That girl looked at me with disgust. I must be a disgusting person.

* That boy said he loved me. I must be a lovable person.

* That boy treated me as if I'm worthless. I must be a worthless person.

In some situations, noticing how people respond to you is useful. It can help you hone your social skills and allow you to recognize areas where you may have room to improve.

At the same time, it's easy to overanalyze everyone's reaction to you — and sometimes come to the wrong conclusion about yourself. It's tempting to let the approval or disapproval of others shape the way you think about yourself and determine the identity you choose.

Whatever version of you people seem to like best — well, that's who you strive to become. Or you may test-drive different identities until you find one that strikes a chord and gets you noticed, praised, and accepted.

Letting people determine who you should be, however, turns you into a people-pleaser. It leads you to rely on human affirmation instead of God's. As His quiet voice gets drowned out by public opinion, you may lose touch with what you know deep down is most important. You may not see a problem because, with all the cheering you hear from people around you, everything seems fine.

But you can be on the wrong track and still get cheered on wildly. You can make a big mistake and still have some people smiling and patting you on the back.

For this reason, among others, you can't depend solely on external clues to shape your identity. After all, people sometimes get it wrong. People sometimes tell lies that ultimately hurt you. People may encourage you to make choices and build an identity that reflects the values of the world, not the will of God.

Slowly but surely, these choices can separate you from God. They create a gap between who you are and who you're called to be as a child of the Lord.

So what's a girl to do? How do you begin learning who you truly are?

According to God, your starting point and focal point should be Jesus. Since Jesus is unchanging, since He is "the same yesterday and today and forever" (Hebrews 13:8), He's the rock that you can build...