CULTIVATE WHAT MATTERS

LIE: I have to do it all.

TRUTH: I can't do it all and do it WELL.

I almost ran into a wall — a literal wall in my own home.

I had just had a new baby, and I struggled with balancing motherhood and business. I worried that my growing company couldn't withstand the changes that were happening in my personal life. I feared that everything would fall apart.

I felt pressure to keep it together.

I thought that everyone else had it together but me.

I believed that I had to get it all done — and done perfectly.

And, despite my efforts, the only thing that felt done was me.

Rushing to get back to my desk one morning, with a baby in one arm and reading an e-mail on my phone on the way, I came this close to crashing my face right into a lovely shade of Benjamin Moore's "Mindful Grey."

That wall was a wake-up call. I was trying to get it all done out of fear. And it felt painfully familiar. I had grown so much since my hustle-hard days years ago, but I found myself believing similar lies — the lies that said I had to do everything and do it all perfectly. Everything felt urgent, important, and necessary. I settled back at my desk, took a breath, and considered something I didn't want to admit: maybe all the things I thought I had to do didn't actually need to get done.

IDENTIFY WHAT YOU WANT TO CULTIVATE

Maybe you want your life to transform, but you don't know where to start. One surefire way to stay right where you are is to stay right where you are. Even if what we're about to do together feels challenging, let's do this in the name of not staying where we are. Ready?

As we begin this journey together, name the one thing that you most want to change or grow in your life. You can change or refine your answer later, but let's mark our start together.

What do you want to cultivate? As you read this right now, what's the first thing that comes to mind?

Perhaps you want to cultivate

* A healthier lifestyle

* A stronger marriage

* A deeper faith

* Intentional connections with family

* Joy in your children

* Contentment in what you have

* More time in prayer

* Learning and education

* A new business venture

* Being more present

* Deeper friendships

* Confidence in your life path

* Creativity

* Work that allows you to use your gifts

* A life-giving home with open doors for hospitality

* Balance and rest

Almost running into that wall made me want to grow breathing space — deep and wide breathing space. I had too much to do and care for. I was still trying to do all I had done before this new season of my life, but it was too much. I needed a shift.

I wanted to unrush my pace in favor of presence.

Imagine planting a peaceful garden in the middle of everything you have going on right now, right where you are. The image of a well-tended garden is a stark contrast to how we live most days, isn't it? But it's possible. In the middle of the chaos and pressure all around you, let the story I'm about to share with you give you real hope that you can cultivate a new way of thinking, being, dreaming, and doing — right where you are.

It's winter as I begin this book, and my garden beds are mostly bare except for the kale and cabbage that don't mind the cold. I still can't believe this garden is mine and that I grow things. As of this writing, this is my fifth year having a garden. Me. The former plant killer and dirt dodger. Every time I step out into the dirt, I'm reminded that God is the author of change. He can change anyone and anything. He has proven that time and time again in my life.

DECIDING TO START A GARDEN

So how did I go from one withered orchid to a tiny suburban farm? The way many good things grow: imperfectly.

When I was young, my Grandpa Cecil loved taking me to his vegetable garden. I'd hunt for roly-polies and snails and help him pull turnips. I spent a lot of time with my grandpa in his garden. I just wanted to be with him. You see, something about Cecil was magnetic. He had a joy and contentment that drew people in. He had been through a lot in his life, including multiple heart surgeries, great loss, and illness, but his faith rarely wavered. He knew that he couldn't take any thing or accolade or dollar bill to heaven with him, so he invested in what would last — 1 oving God and planting good seeds in people's lives, including mine.

Sometimes God uses another person to plant a seed in our lives. And sometimes that seed doesn't sprout till decades later — right on time. I wanted to cultivate an intentional life, like Grandpa Cecil's.

As my little orchid bloomed, the rest of my life was revived too. What felt impossible happened: my marriage changed. My husband, Ari, and I went from constant turmoil and chasing all the wrong things to being given new life by God's grace. Being forgiven of the hurt we had caused each other and the mistakes we had made was unfathomable, incomprehensible, and clearly happened by the power of a very real God. We named our daughter Grace, for the gift we had been given. My wedding magazine company changed right along with my life, and we began to help couples plan not just weddings but also meaningful beginnings to married life. Our small group at church became a significant part of our lives as Ari and I grew in our faith. Ari started a new job as an assistant professor at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, and we began to figure out parenthood together.

There's something about being a new parent that puts life in perspective quickly. I began questioning the way I was doing everything. How could I teach our daughter to do life well? How would the way I care for what I've been given teach her to do the same? How could I teach her that God can change what feels impossible, like He did with our marriage?

If I wanted Grace to live an intentional life, I was going to have to live one myself. That thought was overwhelming. Even though so much had changed in our lives, there was much more I knew God wanted to grow in me. The most...