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The Value in the Valley: A Black Woman's Guide Through Life's Dilemmas - Softcover

Vanzant, Iyanla

 
9780684824758: The Value in the Valley: A Black Woman's Guide Through Life's Dilemmas
Softcover
ISBN 10: 0684824752 ISBN 13: 9780684824758
Verlag: Atria, 1996

Inhaltsangabe

“The most powerful spiritual healer, fixer, teacher on the planet.” —Oprah Winfrey

Is it the job you hate but need in order to pay the rent? Is it that relationship that you gave your all to only to end up with a broken heart...again? Perhaps it's your children, a family member, or a life-long friend doing you in, dragging you down, pushing you to the brink. If you are an honorary member of the Black Woman's Suffering Society, you have probably been told that it's all your fault. Or that struggling and suffering is your lot in life. Iyanla Vanzant says, No! Life is an Act of Faith and suffering is optional! Those everyday challenges, obstacles, and dilemmas are what Iyanla calls "valleys." As bad as they may seem, there is a purpose or, as Iyanla says, "There is so much value in the valley."

If you've ever been disappointed, betrayed, rejected, abandoned, or just plain old scared to let go, then you've been or may still be in a valley. Iyanla knows—she's been there and on a bad day she's still there, but now she shares the way out with you.

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Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Iyanla Vanzant is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of seventeen books that have been translated into twenty-three languages, and the host and executive producer of the award-winning Iyanla: Fix My Life, the #1 reality show on OWN, the Oprah Winfrey Network. As Founder of Inner Visions World Wide, Iyanla is actively engaged in personal development courses and ongoing training programs for spiritual life coaches, and ordained ministers at Inner Visions Institute for Spiritual Development.  

Auszug. © Genehmigter Nachdruck. Alle Rechte vorbehalten.

Chapter 1

The Anatomy of the Valley

It was not unusual for the telephone to ring at eight-thirty in the morning. And it was only slightly unusual for her to be calling him there. Although she worked for him, it was evident by her tone of voice that this call was about something more than business. Two hours into their conversation, she wanted to speak to Ann. The moment the conversation began, Ann knew she was headed for a valley. She could not, however, figure out which one. By the time all three of them were on the telephone, it was clear: Ann was being cut up into tiny little pieces. Those pieces were being strewn across all the valleys at once.

"There is value in the valley," is what Black women must remember when we find ourselves in those tight spots, dark places, uncomfortable situations, we think make our lives so miserable. Whether we accidentally fall into a valley or are shoved in headfirst, the question we must ask ourselves is, "What is the lesson here?" What is the lesson to be learned from those situations we do not like or want to be in? The first thing we must do is realize that difficulties in life are always educational. Art may be easier than history. Gym is usually more fun than math. There is, however, something valuable to be gained from every subject and situation we face if we want to graduate to a higher level of living. Of course, in every class, there is also the issue of passing or failing.

Ann listened intently as the woman on the other end of the telephone recounted the sordid details of her two-year relationship with Ann's mate of one year. With her head in the Valley of Understanding and both feet in the Valley of Courage, Ann had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach that she was on the brink of failure. With a steady hand and unblinking eyes, holding the telephone away from her ear, she quietly demanded of him, "How could you do this to me?" Wrong move! It put her heart in the Valley of O.P.P. and her hands in the Valley of Comeuppance. As fear of failure welled up in her mind, promising to overtake her, Ann had to fight back the tears. He was lying across the bed with his head in his hands. Each time he looked up, it was as if he were seeing a ghost. A big Black ghost. A ghost with one hand on her hip and a frying pan in the other. Ann took a deep breath and braced herself to spend the rest of her days in the dunce corner.

Those dark conditions and difficult situations are like valleys because we get there when we lose our footing. We fall down only to find ourselves alone in a physically, mentally, or emotionally uncomfortable place. Valleys look dark and feel dangerous because there never seems to be anyone around who can help you get up. A fall into a valley means you are in some kind of pain. Throbbing head, broken heart, fractured ego, you are trying to figure out what happened; how you got into this mess and how you can get out of it, fast. The pain intensifies as you remember the details of your plight. You imagine all of the possible, plausible, and horrible outcomes. Now you panic. Actually, you feel frantic as you mentally construct your ultimate and looming destruction. It is pure drama, and as Black women, we do it so well.

When we are confronted by a situation we know we must face but would rather not, we shift into high-gear fear -- fear of failure, rejection, the unknown, and the ultimate fear, the fear of being wrong. No one wants to be wrong. For Black women, many of whom believe they have been overlooked, misrepresented, and objectified by major portions of the population, the fear of being wrong sends the brain into overload. Black women will go to any lengths to avoid being wrong. The fear of being wrong forces us to shut down. We shut our eyes, ears, and ultimately, our hearts. If the situation is critical, very important, or dear to us, we may be frightened enough to shut our mouths. A Black woman in fear, with a numb heart and a shut mouth, is a woman in pain.

He finally spoke to her: "I told you it was over!"

"No, you didn't! You told me we would work it out! Then you kissed me and we made love!"

Ann was able to part her lips: "You kissed her?"

There was total silence. They had all stopped breathing.

"You kissed her! Now just a hog-slopping minute! Are you telling me that you are sleeping with this woman after you told me you weren't?"

Ear-piercing silence. Somehow, in all the drama, Ann had missed the fact that they were still seeing each other. This was quickly changing from a valley to a dungeon. The dungeon of clarity. Then she spoke:

"Why don't you answer her?"

"Are you sleeping with this woman?" Ann had shifted out of fear into indignation.

Meekly he answered, "Yes."

That was the final push. Ann fell fiat on her face into the Valley of Knowledge and Wisdom.

It is hard to think when you are in pain. As you frantically anticipate your destruction, which is sure to result when you confront your greatest fear, pain seeps into every fiber of your being. The fear of making a mistake, of being wrong, descends over you like a cloud. We are not talking here about the kind of pain Midol, Anacin, or extra-strength Excedrin can relieve. We are talking about the pain of having your entire existence threatened. The pain of having what you want, need, and love, invalidated or taken away. You picked the wrong one, again. You did not do it right, again. You are in trouble, again. As a result, your head hurts. Your heart is bleeding. You want to think, but the pain is overwhelming. Sound familiar? I thought so!

When We Think We Are Wrong!

When Black women are wrong, we are not only wrong in and of ourselves, we are wrong for our mothers and our greatest grandmother. It is a genetic wrongness which aches down to the bone. The wrongness of Black women has been studied by physiologists, analyzed by psychologists, proven plausible by genealogists, even become the topic of debate at senatorial hearings. A wrong Black woman might as well be a dead one. The mind is dead. The heart is dying. If something is not done quickly to reconcile the feelings of wrongness, the spirit will die. But wait! Isn't being wrong one of the best ways to get your face on television? Never mind that -- we cannot, will not, go down without a fight! On the way to dying, we have to be angry and hateful because we are wrong and have failed. We strike out at, speak out against, those things and people who "made us" wrong, helped us fail. It is all so wonderfully dramatic. For many angry, wrong Black women, failure means your lifeless body must be ceremonially laid to rest in the Valley of Nonresistance, which gives you exactly the excuse you need to buy that new dress.

Ann decided on the spot, "I will not fail! I am not going to be wrong! I will not fail this test!" In her best monotone, Ann explained she had had no idea that he was still intimately involved with her. Ann had to admit she knew the woman worked in one of his businesses. She also knew they shared an apartment when he was in that state. Ann knew he kept a few of his clothes in that apartment. Ann also knew that he lived, conducted most of his business and spent the majority of his time in another state. Ann knew because she called him there and visited him there. To the best of Ann's knowledge he was in the same state with her one day a month. She politely informed Ann that he came home at least two days every month.

"What kind of relationship is that?"

A good one, she thought. "He had promised me..."

"Well, look," Ann said, "I'm outa here. You've got this! You can finish your conversation with him while he gets ready to get out of my...

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Verlag
Atria
Erscheinungsdatum
1996
Sprache
Englisch
ISBN 10 
0684824752
ISBN 13 
9780684824758
Einband
Taschenbuch
Anzahl der Seiten
320
Kontakt zum Hersteller
Nicht verfügbar
Verantwortliche Person
Simon and Schuster Netherlands BV
info@simonandschuster.nl

Herculesplein 96
Utrecht
3584 AA
Niederlande