The Geek Handbook: User Guide and Documentation for the Geek in Your Life - Softcover

Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Mikki Halpin wrote the essay "A Girl's Guide to Geek Guys" for Bunnyhop, and it quickly became an Internet classic, earning Mikki a special place in geekdom. She was editor-in-chief of the online magazine Stim; co-founded the classic 'zine Ben Is Dead; and has written for many publications, including Wired, BookForum, Studio Mix, The Independent, and BUST. She is the author of two books. She lives in New York City.

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From Bill Gates to Dilbert to the computer whiz next door, geeks are here to stay. But how many of us really know what geeks are all about?

Whether you're friends with a geek, work with one, love one, or hate one, THE GEEK HANDBOOK provides handy instructions for analyzing and understanding all things geek, including:

THE INNER GEEK

Why watching Star Trek "RM" will help you relate to your geek

THE GEEK DIET

soda, pizza, and other geek food groups; how to help your geek thrive

HOW YOUR GEEK RELATES TO OTHERS

Greek organizations and gathering spots

GETTING YOUR GEEK TO EXERCISE

Klingon "TM" martial arts as workout strategy

Filled with helpful charts and diagrams, a look at geeks throughout history, fixes to common geek problems, and much more, THE GEEK HANDBOOK is the essential guide that will help both geeks and geek lovers survive -- and thrive -- in the new millennium.

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Chapter 1: Getting Started

1.1 The Conventions Used in This Handbook

The subtitle of this book is User Guide and Documentation for the Geek in Your Life. The term "user" is an artifact from other manuals of this type. Of course you don't want to think about "using" your geek, and "owning" or "operating" your geek doesn't sound much better. Geeks, more than anyone else, are their own people. A geek cannot be purchased, leased, or rented, although time-sharing is an option. Geeks are not available on the stock market (their companies are). When The Geek Handbook speaks of owners, it refers to anyone who has a relationship with a geek

"Your" geek is the geek who matters to you. Whether your geek is your boss, your parent, your child, your coworker, your lover, or your friend, you can improve the relationship by reading this book and understanding your responsibilities in the geek/nongeek dynamic. If you are baffled by the geek in your life or if your geek breaks down, you will gain many of the necessary skills to help your geek grow and thrive.

Historically, geeks have been feared and ostracized because they are containers of exotic, arcane knowledge unavailable to ordinary humans. Because of this persecution, many geeks have gone underground, often forming secret societies in order to pass on their rituals and codes. With the rise of computer culture, geeks are emerging from the shadows, and reengaging with mainstream culture. The Geek Handbook will help demystify your geek and allow you to better understand him or her.

1.2 How to Use This Handbook

Finally, full documentation is available for geeks and all their variations. In the same way that you use software manuals or guides to work with your computer, The Geek Handbook will help you to interact with your geek. Geeks are important assets and, properly maintained and modified, your geek can last well into the twenty-first century. Understanding your geek is a social skill no one can afford to do without. This handbook offers a competitive edge in an increasingly competitive world.

The handbook will provide step-by-step instructions for communicating with your geek, handy geek features, geek maintenance, and fixes for common geek bugs. Many geek behaviors are baffling, with no apparent evolutionary advantage. The Geek Handbook will explain these behaviors to you, help you cope with them, and, when necessary, provide suggestions for curbing them. (We call this "upgrading your geek.")

A geek spouse, parent or neighbor will easily be able to find such topics as "Your Geek's Diet" or "Grrr! The Hostile Geek." The dawn of the Geek Age is upon us, and the correct programming knowledge is essential. With proper use, The Geek Handbook can produce both immediate and long-term effects, resulting in healthier, happier geeks and owners. Even if you have experience dealing with geeks, The Geek Handbook will alert you to common geek bugs, and suggest both quick and long-term solutions. This handbook can significantly improve your geek's performance, and prepare you for any modifications the future holds.

The next chapter, Chapter Two, will give you general geek background, and some helpful tools for communicating with your geek. As you will see, there are features common to all geek models, but no two geeks are the same. It's important to use this handbook as a guide, not a blueprint. Individual variations are what make geeks unique and adaptable to so many applications. Spend time with your geek, get to know his or her history, and don't make changes just for the sake of change. Respect your geek.

Chapter Three is the core maintenance section of the handbook, with tips on keeping your geek healthy and at peak performance levels. Use this section to evaluate your geek, and to obtain the necessary skills that will help your geek lead a healthy, happy, and productive life.

Chapter Four looks at geeks in the world at large, and the way they are affecting (and affected by) global economics and social shifts. The final two sections of this chapter contain a diagnostic exercise and a guide to how geeks may enter your life.

1.3 Do I Have a Geek?

1. If you mention the Y2K bug he:

a. Says he thinks Volkswagens are terrible cars.

b. Proudly displays his food stockpile, and explains that he has written a program which stalls all of the household chips in the last minute of 1999. After that date, time will cease to exist, but all of the computers will work.

2. When a new Star Trek movie opens she:

a. Wonders if the franchise isn't played out.

b. Has saved a place for you in line, because she camped out over night. During the movie, she gets really worked up when the crew in engineering does something with the warp core that she's sure isn't possible.

3. When playing Scrabble he:

a. Forgoes actual competition to spell out cute things like Kiss Me and Be Mine.

b. Keeps muttering that the on-line version is better and frequently consults his PDA, until finally admitting that he has programmed it with an algorithm which prompts him with the most fruitful letter combinations. Uses words like "subroutine."

Answers

In each case, the answer b indicates a strong tendency toward geekiness. The more b answers, the more pure your particular geek is. If after taking this quiz you still aren't sure, read through the rest of the handbook for more clues.

Analysis

In question 1, your geek is trying to show you what a good provider he is. This is his retirement plan, his 401(k), his nest egg. If you want to gently suggest that the two of you address the Y2K issue in a different way, proceed with caution. Your geek has thought long and hard about this. He has carefully considered the options: a possible life without computers, as the millennium clock ticks over, or a life frozen in time, eternally 1999, but with all the computers working. He has chosen the latter. And he has already written the code. Asking him to change the plan is asking him to change the future. You might just want to resign yourself to the fact that at least you won't get any older.

In question 2, you are indeed loved if your geek will include you in her Star Trek experience. Treasure this time with her. If you cringe when she shouts out "Live long and prosper" you will gain nothing. Instead of pointing out that none of the technology on the Enterprise is real, so she couldn't really know the capacity of a dilithium crystal, ask her to explain further. Act interested.

In question 3, you have a highly socialized geek. Be happy that he will play analog Scrabble. Do not mock his geeky words.

1.4 You and Your Geek

Now that you know you have a geek, how does your geek function in your life? A few possibilities are outlined here, but what's important is that you study your own geek, and learn your geek's idiosyncrasies. While most geeks will have more in common with one another than they will with nongeeks, there are many variations on the basic model. Add this to the countless personae in the nongeek population, and the number of possible combinations is staggering. (As the Vulcans like to say, "Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combination.")

1.4.1 Your Geek Coworker

Features

Everyone has a geek coworker. Even if you don't work in the tech industry, there's a geek or two somewhere in your organization, keeping the whole place up and running (in their eyes at least). These geeks are often the most underappreciated of all geeks, and they long for recognition of their role in whatever your company does, whether it's cosmetics shipping or UN translation services. Once you've wooed your geek coworker to...