Living Among Meat Eaters: The Vegetarian's Survival Handbook - Softcover

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“Being a vegetarian or a vegan in a culture dominated by meat eating and meat eaters is challenging. Carol Adams’s Living Among Meat Eaters is a much needed work that provides vegetarians and vegans with valuable advice and the tools needed to foster understanding—and with understanding comes compassion.” —Gene Bauston, cofounder and director of Farm Sanctuary

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Is there a blocked vegetarian in your life?

If you are one of the over twenty million Americans who have adopted vegetarianism, you know that living with and eating with meat eaters can present a myriad of difficult issues. Summer barbecues, Thanksgiving dinner, or even a simple business lunch can be cause for discussions questioning vegetarianism as a lifestyle choice?leading at best to awkward situations, and at worst to anger and defensiveness. Beyond these often tense encounters, simple day-to-day tasks like grocery shopping and preparing the evening meal can be tough, especially when your husband, wife, partner, or child doesn?t share your commitment to living as a vegetarian.

In this bold and original book, Carol J. Adams offers real-life advice that vegetarians can use to defuse any situation where their dietary choices may be under attack and suggests viewing meat eaters as blocked vegetarians. Always insightful, this practical guide is full of self-tests, strategies, meditations on vegetarianism, and tips for dining out and entertaining at home when meat eaters are on the invite list. Offering more than fifty of Carol Adams?s favorite vegetarian recipes, Living Among Meat Eaters is sure to become every vegetarian?s most trusted source of support and information.

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Vegetarians abstain from eating animal products in order to lead a peaceful lifestyle, but when food choices clash, conversations and mealtimes aren't so harmonious. To aid in the discussion, Adams, author of the underground classic The Sexual Politics of Meat, offers vegetarians ways that can change the quality of their interactions with carnivores. She first asks, "Are you at peace?" because vegetarians who are insecure in their choice represent meat eaters' worst fear: that vegetarianism equals denial and scarcity. Once vegetarians know that the insecurity is not from within, they can see the verbal abuse and emotional blackmail as a sign of the meat eaters' insecurity. Then Adams lists various techniques, from deflecting sabotage to identifying subtext ("If you loved me you'd eat this meat" isn't about food it's about love), and suggests how these techniques may change work, living, and family situations. Besides her own experience, Adams shares stories gleaned from readers' letters fitting in a book about social interaction. For all libraries that have practical books on how to become a vegetarian but none offering advice on communication. Elizabeth C. Stewart, Portland, ME
Copyright 2001 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Adams (The Sexual Politics of Meat), a writer and lecturer on vegetarianism, offers advice to practicing vegetarians about eating with omnivores. She covers everything from how to answer the question, "Are you a vegetarian?" to tips for dining out and handling meals in a business setting. She also includes a selection of favorite recipes, adapted from classic vegetarian cookbooks. Adams argues that vegetarians today have it rough: "we see death in [meat eaters'] meals, they see it in ours. Attempts will be made to disempower your viewpoint. Your diet is the issue, but you become the target." Point well made. Vegetarians indeed have far fewer options than omnivores at restaurants, at peoples' homes. And as Adams observes, they are often looked down upon. But she shoots herself in the foot with her central thesis: that vegetarians "should see every meat eater as a blocked vegetarian." To her credit, Adams understands that eating is a complicated and emotional issue, influenced by culture, family and politics. By making broad, general statements about vegetarians and omnivores, however, she ultimately helps no one, especially the people she tries to empower. (Nov.)Health

Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

Auszug. © Genehmigter Nachdruck. Alle Rechte vorbehalten.

When Worlds Collide

We all live among meat eaters. When I was a meat eater, I never thought about this fact. Once I became a vegetarian, it was inescapable. If nothing else, popular culture reminds us at every turn:

Eat low on the food chain. Barbecue a vegetarian. -- Bumper sticker in Texas

Screw vegetarians. -- Postcard from Oregon

Vegetarians Not Welcome. -- Billboard at the border to South Dakota, mid-1990s

VEGETARIANS WELCOME . . . to watch us eat steak. -- A Minnesota steak house

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian! -- Bumper sticker in California

Horrifying Vegetarians Since 1980. -- Recurring ad in the New York Times for a steak house

I like animals. They're delicious. -- Bumper sticker in New York

Because meat eaters are in our lives, we are in theirs. And then what happens? Our worlds collide. Here are stories of collisions from vegetarians around the country:

"Just before Thanksgiving, I was having a conversation with a meat eater. When he learned I was a vegetarian he said, 'So I guess you don't celebrate Thanksgiving.' "

"Once I was forced to eat at a barbecue/grill/steak house. Of course, I was doubtful going in, but I consoled myself with the assumption that most such places sport a salad bar. The funniest part was a chalkboard sign at the entrance advertising that the vegetable of the day was . . . 'Chicken and dumplings!!!' Yow. I knew I was in trouble at that point. Still I forged ahead, but to my dismay I found that nearly every item at the salad bar (except the iceberg lettuce) contained meat in some form or another-'for flavoring.' Oh well."

"I adopted a turkey from Farm Sanctuary for Thanksgiving, and my mother and brother were trying to figure out how to get that particular bird on the Thanksgiving table to thwart my efforts."

"When I explained to someone why I was a vegetarian, he said, 'If we don't kill the cows, they will die.' "

"Two years ago when my father died, I went back to the small town in rural southern Indiana for the funeral. The neighbors had a potluck dinner for the family after the services and there was not one dish without meat or by-product! Even the wilted lettuce salad had bacon grease. I ended up going to the local sub shop for a veggie sandwich. I was upset, but didn't say anything since the neighbors were trying to be helpful. In the middle of cow country where all meals have meat and potatoes, people just don't seem to realize it is possible to live without meat."

"They simply don't understand that I don't miss meat and I'd probably drop dead if I ate it. I'm not missing out on anything. I never get the urge to go have a closet Big Mac. I get very defensive when someone gives me a knowing grin and says, 'A little meat won't hurt you, just try some, it's really gooood.' "

"A woman I met recently would not eat popcorn that I offered her as she said it was part of a violent process when the chemical reactions occur to make it pop. She then turned around and ate meat for lunch."

"I pointed out a comparison of [the] water required to yield one pound of beef versus one pound of vegetables to my father, a GP. He replied, 'Paranoid, neurotic.' "

"Someone introduced me as 'Paige, she's vegan.' And the woman I was introduced to asked, 'Where's Vega?' "

When we are meat eaters living among meat eaters, our world is reflected back to us, confirming our choices. When we become vegetarians, we stop being reflections; we may even be accused of breaking the mirror.

"Meat eaters always ask with derision whether or not I'm associated with PETA; they think that my food looks unappetizing; one fellow likened my alfalfa sprouts to 'shaving my Chia Pet.' "

" 'What do you eat, salad?' Grrr. . . . I can't understand why what I eat (or don't) seems to bother people so much. I'm like a novelty at work. The vegetarian. I can't argue my point of view without getting into an unwanted debate, trying to justify myself."

"I feel like bonking people over the head sometimes when they say, 'What do you eat?' especially because when I start in with my recipes for various Indian, Italian, and other dishes they quickly change the topic. They wanted the question to be rhetorical. One friend asked me this same question repeatedly, and clearly didn't give a damn what my answer was! She seemed more bent on convincing herself that vegetarianism would be impractical than on observing the patience necessary to think about it. I almost wanted to say, 'Oh, cardboard boxes and aluminum cans.' "

"I am sixteen and ever since I turned vegetarian four years ago, I have not gotten much support from my peers. In fact, when I told a good friend of mine, she became extremely defensive. The next day she had written the following on her backpack: 'We were not put at the top of the food chain to eat vegetables.' I wasn't terribly hurt by the comment or anything, but [by] the fact that she had been fine with all the other oddities of my character, except for this one. I was now introduced as 'Erika . . . the vegetarian,' accompanied by the rolling of her eyes in a sarcastic manner. I suppose things are better than when my mother was in college and people called her a communist for her vegetarianism."

Just when we think our work is done, we discover that it has only begun: the challenge isn't becoming a vegetarian; it is being a vegetarian.

"When I was thirteen and newly vegetarian, a friend of my parents offered me tortellini salad, saying it was vegetarian. And after I had eaten it he laughed as if he had played a marvelous trick on me and told me the tortellini was filled with veal. I don't know still if it really was. But I am still shocked that an adult could derive joy from 'playing' that sort of trick on a child."

"Every time I visit a friend in California, she goes through a great fuss to be sure she's hidden all the meat. She also makes a big fuss about how difficult it is to feed me, and how worried she is that I won't get enough to eat. She never forgets to tell me about her vegetarian aunt, who lived to be well over ninety but, supposedly, always had a lot of gas."

"When I flew home from France, the airline did not get my request for a vegan meal, and all they had was chicken or steak. I explained to the flight attendant that I do not eat meat, and asked if I could have the vegan sidedishes. She was nice, but then another attendant told me that chicken was not meat, and when I said that it came from an animal, he insisted that chicken is vegetarian. He would not give me the sides unless I took the chicken, but finally the other flight attendant told him it was my choice."

Once we stop eating meat for whatever reason, the meat-eating world seems less welcoming. Plenty of books exist that tell you how to become a vegetarian.* This book discusses how to relate to others after you have taken that advice. This book is not about diet; it is about self-understanding and interpersonal relationships.

THE PROBLEM

When my son was in second grade, the discussion one week focused on nutrition. The children were handed a chart about the food groups provided by the American Dairy Association. One of the charts was called the "meat group." Depicted on this page, besides various forms of meat, were images of tofu and peanut butter. The discussion about the "meat group" began.

After a while, Douglas stated that he did not eat meat.

Another child exclaimed, "But I would die if I didn't eat meat."

At home, Douglas described that day's interaction. He told of the child who exclaimed, "But I would die if I didn't eat meat." Looking at us, concerned for that boy's confusion, he said, "But I don't eat meat and I'm not dead."

This is the gestalt shift that Mary Midgley describes in the epigraph to this book: meat eaters and vegetarians see the others' diet completely differently. We see the meat eaters' food as death (the death of the animals especially); they see it as life-giving-they get nourishment from it. In fact, to extend Midgley's insight: we see our diet as a choice of life (whether it is our own, healthier life, the life of the animals, or the life of the planet); meat eaters see our diet as death (if not actually death, as this second-grader feared, then the death of traditions, of pleasure as they know it, of their control over food choices).

When adults ask, "How do you survive as a vegetarian?" they are asking two questions at once: survive meaning, 1) How do you "make do?" and 2) Can you really survive on that food? To take away meat may not mean literal death, but it implies to them the loss of everything associated with the pleasures of eating. To them, our diet is one of scarcity, limitation, loss, deprivation; and their diet is one of abundance, choice, enjoyment. This is the gestalt shift. More than anything else, this explains the oft-heard exclamation, "I'd die without a hamburger."

How you live your vegetarian life can become a challenge because of this conflict in meaning-we see death in their meals, they see it in ours. Attempts will be made to disempower your viewpoint. Your diet is the issue, but you become the target.

Imagine that the gestalt shift is like the shifting of the tectonic plates when an earthquake occurs. An intense amount of energy is released; and the world is changed. Sometimes after an earthquake, we have to rebuild. So, too, with the gestalt shift.

To you, your vegetarianism is a natural progression in eating habits and philosophy. To nonvegetarians, it represents a profound disjunction. Most meat eaters experience it as a judgment on them as well, and get defensive. Vegetarians sigh and say to themselves, Here we go again.

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