The Angry Child: Regaining Control When Your Child Is Out of Control - Hardcover

Murphy, Timothy; Oberlin, Loriann Hoff

 
9780609606766: The Angry Child: Regaining Control When Your Child Is Out of Control
Hardcover
ISBN 10: 060960676X ISBN 13: 9780609606766
Verlag: Clarkson Potter, 2001

Inhaltsangabe

A clinical psychologist explains how parents can recognize excessive anger, unhappiness, and potential violence in their children and offers helpful advice on how to change their own and their child's behavior in order to defuse such situations. 25,000 first printing.

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Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Tim Murphy, Ph.D., was an assistant professor of pediatrics at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine/Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh and is presently on the adjunct faculty of the school. Since 1996, Dr. Murphy has been a member of the Pennsylvania State Senate and is the only representative with a background in health care. He has served on numerous committees concerned with public health and welfare, education, aging, and youth, and he makes regular appearances on television and radio. Dr. Murphy lives in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, with his wife and daughter. This is his first book.

Loriann Hoff Oberlin is the author of four previous books, including Working at Home While the Kids Are There, Too and Surviving Separation and Divorce: A Woman's Guide to Making It Through t

Aus dem Klappentext

has an off day when nothing seems to go right, but for some, angry outbursts, frustration, and resentment are the norm. When a child's anger threatens to jeopardize his school and social life and introduces an element of strain into the family dynamics that affects every member, it's time for a parent to ask: When is angry too angry?

Child psychologist Dr. Tim Murphy has addressed this very question with hundreds of families, helping them to understand both the causes and the repercussions of childhood anger and to devise effective strategies for defusing the time bomb in their midst. Whether it's a toddler staging a tantrum, a grade-schooler unable to make friends, or a sulking preteen who greets every adult request with antagonism, parents of angry children are baffled by both the depth and the root of their child's unhappiness. And when small social problems and household disputes regularly escalate into full-fledged battles, it's nearly impossible for parents to distance themselves e

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Introduction

It's hard to pinpoint the exact moment the change occurs. One day your otherwise sunny child is merely prone to the occasional nasty outburst, and the next a permanent storm cloud seems to have taken up residence over her head. Small social problems or household disagreements escalate into major battles that leave all participants wounded and wary. Your once predictable child has become more than temperamental; you never know when the next meltdown will occur -- or where. And the effort of trying to control these outbursts -- or avoid them at any cost -- may be impacting on how you deal with others in your family, social circle, and your child's school.

If you have a child whose anger and rage holds your family emotionally hostage, embarrasses you in public, or intimidates you and others with threats of violence or vicious comments, you know exactly what I'm talking about. It may come in the form of a toddler's tantrums or a teenager's tirade, in silent refusals or violent rage. Whichever form it takes, this anger is destroying our children and our families, and it's becoming epidemic.

You probably know how difficult it is to convince friends and family that your four -- or fourteen-year -- old is terrorizing your house. But it's true. Anger, especially out-of-control anger, is without a doubt one of the most demanding situations parents regularly face. Most children have occasional outbursts, but sooner rather than later they calm down and life goes on. A single outburst does not make "an angry child." Unchecked, however, continued anger is a sign that something is terribly wrong and must be addressed -- soon.

Does this mean that today's difficult four-year-old will turn into tomorrow's headline maker? Not at all. But parents need to know that unless the tide of anger is turned, an angry child will grow into the angry adult who perpetuates an unhealthy cycle of active abuse or passive aggression. It's never too early to start helping your child bring his or her anger under control. Adopting the strategies that follow will aid you in doing exactly that.

This book grew out of my work as a child psychologist. For over twenty years I've helped children understand their anger, working with both them and their families. During that time, I've seen that amazing turnarounds are possible. In this book I'll tell it as I've come to understand it, for while you might know an angry child or two, I've worked with hundreds of them. The good news is that most of them are delightful kids with bright futures. But they are at a crossroads, and often there's great urgency to helping them travel the correct path before they've gone too far astray.

As I reached for books to recommend for my patients, I found there were none I felt comfortable with. Some of the guidance was outdated. Some was skewed toward only the most violent children. Some was too research-oriented and lacked practical advice. Many books and mental health professionals still advocated old anger management methods, such as yelling or punching a pillow, while visualizing the image of the person with whom one might be upset. But as a parent, would you allow your son or daughter to play with matches and gasoline to satisfy a curiosity about fire? Why, then, would you allow your child to stage angry outbursts to let off steam?

The child who vents her anger by using bad language around the house, smashing toys, or unleashing her anger on others feels the false sense that "since I feel better when I let out my anger, this must be the right thing to do." She mistakes the feeling of relief for resolution. These are misguided methods of handling anger. They reinforce the idea that lashing out, disrespecting others while losing one's temper, are okay if you're angry. But it's never okay to lash out or attack when angry. Although it's sometimes okay to be angry, it's never okay to be mean. When you reinforce the connection between anger and a violent outburst, the child will surely attack aggressively the next time.

In 1999, Dr. Brad J. Bushman, an associate professor of psychology at Iowa State University, led a study on letting out aggression. (1) He and his colleagues described venting as poor practice. In layman's terms, this study's subjects who were given the message that hitting objects was an effective way of venting anger and then actually hit a punching bag were later more aggressive toward their rivals. It's a matter of displaced aggression, sometimes directed toward an innocent third party.

Venting, therefore, is not the solution I want to give parents, teachers, other therapists, and anyone else with a vested interest in teaching children that anger need not be a way of life. What they need are easy-to-follow strategies for coping with all the conflicts, both large and small, that arise each day. I'll show you how to fight fair when arguments arise, and how to administer discipline in such a way that a child's self-esteem remains intact. You'll find helpful methods for conquering the angry child's resistance to everyday chores and responsibilities without incurring their resentment, and ideas for ameliorating the effects of divorce on those caught in the cross fire. These strategies, together with a caring, involved parent, can douse the embers of a child's anger and eliminate the constant fear that the fire will rekindle at any moment.

I wrote this book to give parents and others a more comprehensive yet practical approach to handling anger. As you read it, you should get a better understanding of your child and your role in helping him or her cope with angry impulses. If you need to seek help beyond this book, your child's doctor may be your first stop for professional support. This book will help you formulate questions to ask yourself and the doctor: Has this reached the level where I need help? Is this more than just a prolonged bad mood? What can I do to help him change? Is there hope?

But true change takes work. It requires, first, understanding the genesis of an individual child's reservoir of anger and the specific ways in which it manifests itself. There is no single strategy that is right for every child and every family. (Since anger knows no gender boundaries, I'll try to interchange pronouns to reflect both boys and girls. Truly, the characteristics can apply to both.)

For some parents, working toward calming their child's anger will require a close examination of their own relationship with anger. I wish I could sugarcoat much of this material, but I cannot. From my perspective, I liken it to going to a medical doctor time and again with certain symptoms. If you finally found out there was something you were doing to cause or worsen your ailments, I'm sure you'd be frustrated that the doctor didn't share this with you at the first visit. I firmly believe most parents want only the best for their children, and they'd go to almost any lengths to ensure a happy future for them-even if it means altering their own behavior.

In my role as a member of the Pennsylvania State Senate, I've faced a broad range of social concerns affecting children and adults, not only in my home district but nationwide. There is a constant public outcry for a legislative fix for society's problems. Although I believe there may be times government can help, I feel even more strongly that the real solutions lie in strong families. The solutions do not come from the state house. Rather, they must come from everyone's house. Instead of making laws that affect children after they commit a crime, I'd like to see us solve some of these issues at the root level so that no child, no family, no community, must deal with the aftermath of rage.

When society fails to stop anger at its source, violence ensues. With this book, I hope those who care about children's anger will embrace new...

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Verlag
Clarkson Potter
Erscheinungsdatum
2001
Sprache
Englisch
ISBN 10 
060960676X
ISBN 13 
9780609606766
Einband
Gebundene Ausgabe
Auflage
1
Anzahl der Seiten
256
Kontakt zum Hersteller
Nicht verfügbar
Verantwortliche Person
QE GmbH & Co. KG
info@averdo.de

Martinistraße 3
Osnabrück
Deutschland

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