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The Way of Play: Using Little Moments of Big Connection to Raise Calm and Confident Kids - Hardcover

Bryson, Tina Payne; Wisen-Vincent, Georgie

 
9780593796283: The Way of Play: Using Little Moments of Big Connection to Raise Calm and Confident Kids
Hardcover
ISBN 10: 0593796284 ISBN 13: 9780593796283
Verlag: Rodale Books, 2025

Inhaltsangabe

Discover how short, daily, playful interactions with your kids can help them face their fears, handle big emotions, and bolster their social skills--by the New York Times bestselling co-author of The Whole-Brain Child and a renowned play therapist

Most parents understand that unstructured play time is good for a child's attention span and creativity, but new science has discovered that specific, deliberate, playful interaction with parents is the key to their healthy emotional development and later resilience as well.

As Tina Payne Bryson and expert Georgie Wisen-Vincent explain, this doesn’t mean getting on all fours and making toy car sounds or enrolling a child in mommy-and-me classes; it's the daily, little moments together that can make the most impact. In The Way of Play, they detail the seven playful techniques that harness this caregiving magic and take just a few minutes. You'll learn how 

  • Leaning Into Emotions helps your child let go of anxieties, drama and chaotic behavior
  • Tuning Into the Body teaches a child to practice the art of surfing sensory waves
  • Storytelling promotes better problem solving 
  • Thinking Out Loud fosters calmer thinking and stronger communication with you, their siblings, and everyone else

Full of science-backed research, real-life stories, and charming line illustrations, The Way of Play will help parents nurture kids who are calm listeners, cooperative problem solvers, and respectful communicators. Just as important, they’ll help families have more fun together.

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Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D., is the founder and executive director of The Center for Connection, a multidisciplinary clinical practice in Southern California. She is the co-author (with Dan Siegel) of four books, including the New York Times bestsellers The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline. Dr. Bryson keynotes conferences and conducts workshops for parents, educators, and clinicians all over the world, and she frequently consults with schools, businesses, and other organizations. 

Georgie Wisen-Vincent, LMFT, is a nationally recognized play therapy expert and the director and head of faculty for The Play Strong Institute, a continuing education and training organization for professionals and parents. She is a graduate professor in the play therapy program at Loma Linda University and a clinical supervisor of play therapy practicum at the Loma Linda Behavioral Health Institute.

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Strategy #1:

Think Out Loud

Primary skill being developed in the child:

Awareness of their inner world: thoughts, feelings, wishes, intentions, and more.

Primary message received by the child:

Someone understands me, and I can understand myself.

At times it seemed that Theo hated his baby sister. From the first moment he laid eyes on little Emma, so many of his actions screamed, “You’re the enemy!”

When he hid her favorite hippo, she cried. When he pinched her legs at the park, she screamed. And when he swiped her smoothie, pouring it all over the kitchen floor, he laughed while the family dog lapped it up. As he grew older, the conflict only intensified.

Playtime for five-year-old Theo and two-year-old Emma was often a complete disaster. Theo would want to build with his blocks, and Emma would try to join in. But as soon as she got close, Theo would scream in her face or push her over. Once he ran across the room to tackle her, like a linebacker plowing into a quarterback. He was so fast that Kevin, his father, couldn’t get there in time to block him.

Kevin was a single dad, and he tried everything he could think of: bribes, threats, punishments, timeouts. But nothing worked. He felt exasperated because he couldn’t figure out how to help his young son handle himself better and be kinder to his sister. He didn’t want to spend these precious early years breaking up fights and repeatedly sending his children to their separate corners.

Nagging questions and doubts began to materialize in his mind: Should it be this hard for my children to play together? Is this typical, or is there something wrong with my son? He wanted to teach his children important life skills about communication and compromise, relationships and resilience, but he worried that all he was doing was constantly refereeing their fights so they could all simply survive until bedtime. And even that wasn’t going so well.

Does any of this sound familiar? Are there times when your kids get stuck in a behavior and you can’t figure out how to get them out of it? Maybe it’s sibling conflict like Kevin was facing with his kids, or maybe it’s about screen time, emotional issues, school difficulties, or something else. Unless your family is very, very unusual, you and your kids are facing an issue or two (or nine!) that you feel like you just can’t get on top of. This is where the first PlayStrong strategy, Think Out Loud, comes in. It’ll take time and consistency, but it can be the key to resolving many of the difficult issues you and your family regularly face.

What we’re offering here is a different perspective on handling conflict, one that lays the groundwork ahead of time and that’s also responsive to children’s overwhelming needs in the moment. It’s a way to make your child more aware of the source of their frustration and more willing to observe their own powerful needs and drives. Over time they’ll be better—not perfect, but better—at expressing their thoughts and feelings to others in a balanced and productive manner. Let’s talk about how to do that.

What we’re offering here is a different perspective on handling conflict, one that lays the groundwork ahead of time and that’s also responsive to children’s overwhelming needs in the moment. It’s a way to make your child more aware of the source of their frustration and more willing to observe their own powerful needs and drives. Then, they’ll be better—not perfect, but better—at expressing their thoughts and feelings to others in a balanced and productive manner.

Think Out Loud: The Strategy

When children automatically react to a negative situation, they’re largely acting without thinking, driven by overwhelming impulses bubbling up from the more primitive parts of their brain. Unless they have trustworthy, reliable adults who can step in and help regulate emotions and behaviors without getting too overwhelmed themselves, kids will repeat their angry reactions so often that those behaviors, or temporary states, begin to look more like long-lasting negative habits and even become traits.

The good news is that there’s a way we can help develop our children’s ability to regulate themselves through the power of self-awareness. The more you can cultivate this skill in your kids, the more they can avoid losing control of their emotions (and bodies and minds) when things don’t go their way. That’s what we’ll be aiming for in the first few chapters of this book.

Thinking out loud is the first step to teaching kids to pay attention to what’s happening inside themselves so they can develop positive, conscious, intentional responses, instead of intense and off-the-cuff reactions. With practice and our help, kids really can develop a fuller awareness of what’s going on inside their minds. And that awareness can grow stronger and stronger over the years as your child moves through adolescence and eventually becomes an adult.

Think about what a difference it would’ve made for Theo if he’d had this skill at the ready whenever he became upset with Emma. If only he could observe what was going on inside his own mind before he lashed out at his sister, he could make a different choice. If only he could develop this one powerful observational skill, then his father could work with him on applying it in his interactions with his sister as he matured until eventually he could regulate his behaviors on his own.

This is where thinking out loud comes in. What we’re doing, essentially, is introducing our kids to their inner world. We play with them, and while doing so, we help them become more conscious of their own thoughts, feelings, plans, ideas, wishes, and intentions.

What we’re doing, essentially, is introducing our kids to their inner world. We play with them, and while doing so, we help them become more conscious of their own thoughts, feelings, plans, ideas, wishes, and intentions.

Sounds logical enough, but here’s the challenge: Kids aren’t born knowing what they think and feel. In fact, young children especially don’t even know what a “thought” or “feeling” (or “sensation,” “intention,” or “motivation”) is until they learn it, when development unfolds to allow that sophisticated process to happen. As spoken language develops, typically somewhere between a child’s first and second birthday, they begin to express their thoughts and feelings in words because they’ve spent a lot of time watching us do it.

But they can still struggle.

As kids get older, as often as we ask them to “use your words” and express themselves, they often haven’t developed the neural connectivity or the necessary skills yet, or they’re too dysregulated to access them. If they could find the right words in the moment, they would use them—but so often they can’t.

Instead, while we work with them on developing the ability to express themselves in words, we have to tune in and interpret their actions. There’s a phrase we like that you’ll already know if you read Tina’s book with Dan Siegel, No-Drama Discipline: “Behavior is communication.” Kids’ actions tell a story. With their behavior, they show us the very lessons they need to be taught and the skills they need to learn. So we want to view all behavior as communication, then get curious about what it is that’s causing that behavior.

Sure, Kevin would have loved for Theo’s response, when his sister encroached on his block...

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Verlag
Rodale Books
Erscheinungsdatum
2025
Sprache
Englisch
ISBN 10 
0593796284
ISBN 13 
9780593796283
Einband
Gebundene Ausgabe
Anzahl der Seiten
256
Kontakt zum Hersteller
Rodale
https://www.penguinrandomhouse.ca/imprints/A6/rodale-books/books

Attn: Andrea T Sheridan 1745 BROADWAY, 14-1
NEW YORK
NY
10019
USA
Verantwortliche Person
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