Ask Barbara: The 100 Most-Asked Questions About Love, Sex, and Relationships

De Angelis, Barbara

ISBN 10: 0553474006 ISBN 13: 9780553474008

Verlag: Bantam Audio, 1996

America's popular love guru and the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Real Moments, Are You the One for Me?, and Secrets About Men Every Woman Should Know provides powerful, practical, and provocative answers to the most frequently asked questions about love, sex, and relationships in this must-have handbook.

There is no one quite like Barbara De Angelis. For over a decade she has transformed the lives of millions of people around the world through her bestselling books, award-winning television program, and sold-out seminars. Men and women everywhere know they can ask her anything about their intimate problems and relationships and obtain electrifying insights that reflect Barbara's trademark synthesis of clarity and wisdom, humor and compassion. Now Ask Barbara spotlights the hottest topics in human
relationships as Barbara De Angelis presents the 100 most-asked questions about love, sex, and relationships--and the answers everyone will be talking about.

Organized by category, topics include:

Love and intimacy
Sex and physical affection
Compatibility
Commitment
Conflict
Cheating and infidelity
Breaking up
Starting over

Ask Barbara is destined to be the relationship bible--essential reading for anyone who has ever been in love, is in love now, or hopes to be again.

From the Hardcover edition.

Die Inhaltsangabe kann sich auf eine andere Ausgabe dieses Titels beziehen.

Aus dem Klappentext

pular love guru and the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Real Moments, Are You the One for Me?, and Secrets About Men Every Woman Should Know provides powerful, practical, and provocative answers to the most frequently asked questions about love, sex, and relationships in this must-have handbook. There is no one quite like Barbara De Angelis. For over a decade she has transformed the lives of millions of people around the world through her bestselling books, award-winning television program, and sold-out seminars. Men and women everywhere know they can ask her anything about their intimate problems and relationships and obtain electrifying insights that reflect Barbara's trademark synthesis of clarity and wisdom, humor and compassion. Now Ask Barbara spotlights the hottest topics in human relationships as Barbara De Angelis presents the 100 most-asked questions about love, sex,

Auszug. � Genehmigter Nachdruck. Alle Rechte vorbehalten.

How can I stop mothering my husband?

My husband and I have been married for ten years, and have three small children, but I feel like I have four kids--including him.  I find myself treating him like a child because he acts like one.  He's always misplacing things, forgetting appointments, and leaving his stuff all over the house.  I hate feeling this way, and I know it turns him off, because our sex life is practically nonexistent.  How can I stop acting like his mother?

Boy, am I glad you asked.  Mothering our men is one of the biggest mistakes women make in relationships.  The more we treat them like little boys, the more they act like it.  They end up resenting us and, eventually, rebelling against us just like they did against Mom at some point.  And what's worse, mothering your mate is the quickest and deadliest way to kill the passion in your love life.  After all--no man wants to sleep with his mother, so if you're acting like her, it's going to be just about impossible to turn him on, unless he has a strange fetish for nagging and scolding.

Now, as a woman, I know how natural it is to mother someone you love.  We're trained to do it from the time we are children ourselves.  After all, your first and most predominant experience of love was probably associated with your mother, who carried you inside her for nine months, fed you, bathed you, burped you, and powdered your behind.  Once you realized you, too, were a female, it was just a mental hop, skip, and jump to treating people you love with a "mothering, nurturing" attitude.  There's only one problem--it drives men crazy, reminds them of you know who, and makes them want to leave home all over again.

There are six :"Mommy-No-No's" that we do as women:

1.  We act overly helpful by doing things for men that they should be doing for themselves (choosing his clothes, picking up after him, finding his keys).

2.  We play verbal guessing games with men to try and pull information out of them.  ("You're hungry...how about some cereal?  No?  What about pretzels?  Not pretzels?  Okay, what if I make you some nice soup?")

3.  We assume men will be absentminded or forgetful and remind them of information they should remember by themselves.  ("Don't forget it's trash night..."  "Don't forget to pick up milk...")

4.  We scold men as if they were children.  ("How many times do I have to tell you to turn off the kitchen lights?")

5.  We take charge of activities that we assume they can't do right.  (Planning trips, taking the kids out to buy clothing.)

6.  We correct and direct them when they don't ask for our help.  (Correcting their memory, offering the "right way" to cook something.)

I know what you're thinking..."But he always forgets where he put his keys"..."But if I don't do it, it won't get done..."  Believe me, I've been there.  All I can say is that you have much more to lose by behaving motherly than you do by waiting for him to find the keys once in a while.  So here are my rules for you to follow if you want to transform yourself from a mother back into a lover:

Rule #1: Stop doing things for your mate that he can do for himself.

Rule #2: Treat him like a competent, reliable person.

Rule #3: Don't speak to him in "Mommy-talk."

Rule #4: Agree on what responsibilities are his in the relationship, and don't take over even if he makes a mistake.

Rule #5: Make a list: "The ways I play Mommy..."  Read it every day, and give him a copy so he can bust you when you fall off the wagon.

Hang in there, and remember--when you break the mothering habit, you will feel and act more like a woman, and he will feel and act more like a man.

How can a couple learn to trust love when they've both been badly hurt in past relationships?

After surviving a very bitter divorce and custody battle for my children, I finally met a wonderful man who is everything my ex-husband wasn't.  He's kind, open, and willing to talk about everything.  Our problem is that his ex-wife left him for his best friend, so he's afraid to trust love again, and so am I.  How can we leave the past behind us and make this new relationship work?

First of all, congratulations!!  You are faced with what I call a "high-class problem," a problem that looks like a problem, but is really a great situation with some challenges attached to it.  In essence, what you're asking is, "How can my partner and I get rid of the fear in our relationship so we can love fully?"  That's a wonderful question to be able to ask.  So the first step is for you and your sweetie to remind yourselves that you've worked very hard to get to this place.  Before you get too intense about climbing your next mountain, take a moment to stop and really celebrate how far you've both come to finally have found a healthy relationship.

Okay, now, back to the fear.  I'm going to say something that might sound strange--a little fear isn't such a bad thing for you and your boyfriend to feel...it will keep you on your toes and force you to pay attention.  I'll bet if you and he look back on your failed marriages, you will notice that you didn't pay attention to warning signs, problems, conflicts, unmet needs, and all kinds of stuff.  Eventually, it was precisely what you weren't paying attention to that sabotaged your relationships, right?  You didn't treat those relationships carefully enough.  So here you are with a new, wonderful partner, and you're both scared of making mistakes again, and a little reluctant to just blindly trust.  I say, that's great!  It's about time!  You should be afraid of making mistakes, all of us should.  You should be careful to make sure your needs get met.  You should be paying very close attention, because the more you pay attention to your relationship, the better it will be.

Do you get my point?  It's like someone who carelessly used a sharp knife and cut herself badly.  The next time you pick up the knife to use it, you are afraid.  You respect its power much more, as well you should.  A relationship is like that--a powerful tool that can be used to help us or hurt us, and I feel not enough people respect that tool.

Here's something practical you can do to help.  Each of you should make a Relationship Mistake List.  Go back and honestly assess your former relationship from the very beginning to the end.  Write down every mistake you made.  Examples: "Let my ex-husband talk me out of my feelings, and then pushed down my resentment."  "Didn't ask for what I wanted in bed, and felt dissatisfied."  Don't be surprised at how long these lists are.  Share yours with your partner, and have him share his.  Talk about each item.  Then, together, come up with a new Relationship Rule for each old mistake, and write these down.  Example: "When I disagree with something my partner does or says, I will express my feelings, even if it causes tension between us," or "I will let my partner know what I enjoy sexually so he doesn't have to...

��ber diesen Titel� kann sich auf eine andere Ausgabe dieses Titels beziehen.

Verlag: Bantam Audio
Erscheinungsdatum: 1996
Sprache: Englisch
ISBN 10: 0553474006
ISBN 13: 9780553474008
Einband: H�rkassette
Kontakt zum Hersteller: Nicht verf�gbar
Verantwortliche Person: Alive AG
info@alive-ag.de

Von-H�nefeld-Str.2 DE 50829 K�ln
K�ln
Deutschland

Suchergebnisse f�r Ask Barbara: The 100 Most-Asked Questions About Love,...

Beispielbild f�r diese ISBN